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    samanthak's Avatar
    samanthak Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Apr 13, 2013, 07:00 PM
    I orgasm but can't feel pleasure, help?
    I'm certain that I can and orgasm through clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration. I'm 25 by the way.

    My vaginal muscles involuntarily contract, my heart rate increases, my breathing gets heavy, my legs get tingly, and I have to pee soon after and loose the desire to continue.

    But it doesn't give me any kind of pleasure. I feel more relaxed that's about it. Or maybe the tinnest, often unnoticed pleasure.

    What can I do or what could be the cause. My orgasms have always been weak. Could it be a vitimin deficiency? A neurological issue? Is there something I can try to do on my own before getting professional help? I practice kegals regularly too, I don't over masterbate, or use toys at all.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #2

    Apr 14, 2013, 09:44 AM
    I'm not sure what you are expecting to feel - it's not always (or sometimes ever) fireworks, screaming and clawing at the walls.

    Perhaps you are being unrealistic - ?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #3

    Apr 14, 2013, 10:35 AM
    I too wonder what you hope to experience. It's not usually like in porn films or like Meg Ryan's restaurant scene in When Harry Met Sally. What is your expectation?
    samanthak's Avatar
    samanthak Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #4

    Apr 14, 2013, 07:08 PM
    Any sensation at all. An orgasm to me is about the equivalent to brushing your shoulder as you walk into a wall by accident -unnoticable! In fact they have gone unnoticed (a lot, I'll cumulative I'll loose arousal, but besides being wet I haven't felt a thing) now I'm starting to notice them better, but don't feel anything. Not... well that was OK, not nice, not good, etc..

    Here's another analogy; ) I imagine its like taking a heavy pain killer (when your in pain) and don't feel it anymore.. you also may not even FEEL a single thing your body is doing, though you know your walking around or reaching for a glass of water (yet you can't even feel it or like texture of the glass).
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,910, Reputation: 5430
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    #5

    Apr 14, 2013, 07:10 PM
    Maybe a medical checkup is in your future?
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #6

    Apr 16, 2013, 06:29 PM
    You say you are certain you can orgasm through vaginal and/or clitoral stim but you then go off into a physiological phenom that doesn't necessarily indicate an orgasm.

    So...

    First things first. Describe what it feels like when you believe you are having an orgasm. What you described was physiological but not an orgasm. So, tell us more. Filters off. Filters only delay and distract. How does it feel? What do you feel? Where do you feel?

    The word "orgasm" does not mean the same thing to all. So... help us understand what you call an orgasm feels like to you.

    And please... don't separate what you feel with self stim versus stimulation from another. Compare and contrast. Mandatory homework.

    Any why don't you use toys? Please be willing to explore yourself and be willing to be wrong or right by trying. Who the hell ever gets it right all the time the first time? Do overs rock. Or at least don't suck more than without toys.
    samanthak's Avatar
    samanthak Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Apr 16, 2013, 07:02 PM
    Kp2171-I didn't describe how it feels, because I can't feel it. Wet and slippery, that's about it. I do know that when my partner or myself try to continue after I orgasm it stops feeling good. I'm not longer aroused after, and its uncomfortable/soar to continue.

    Trust me! I know my body. Whilst trying to get take a friends advice. I tried continuing after having a self stim orgasm. The first orgasm (that I couldn't feel) maybe took 20-40 minutes. When I tried to continue immediately after it took at least 90 minutes to even enjoy what I was doing (it was uncomfortable) and about another 90minutes to get a second one that was exactly like the first (sp? Basically it was a waste of time)

    Toys.. just simply turn me off. I'm not all high and moral when it comes to sex, I don't think its dirty. They just simply turn me off. Same with porn (and yes I've watched porn).. I'm just indifferent to it, it does nothing for me. Toys (especially noises ones) turn me off. Rubber cocks just feel weird to maneuver. I simply like the sensation of my hands.

    I'll add more since I sense an argument coming. Firstly; I just want to say I described them in a physiological way -because I was anticipating a lot of people telling me.. "if you can't feel it than you're not having a orgasm" BS! Ive heard this so many times it p*sees me off! I would certainly know better than a stranger.

    Now to try to describe what I feel (is very hard) I just know my vagina muscles contract, I can feel them contract 5-10 times. Fast but seemingly in slow motion. I guess I'd say its like a dream, hazy, I feel detached from my vagina actually. Like an out-of-body experience. Again, it doesn't ever feel; kinda-nice, or OK. It's just something I'm aware of. I can't explain it better than that.

    Furthermore I remember years ago when I'd get orgasms (at least sort of remember) is feel them and if I have to say on a pleasure scale of 1-10 they may have been a three. Id get a warm tingling sensation in the vagina wall and other areas of my skin they maybe lasted a couple seconds.

    If I self stimulate myself now... my skin my be warmer, usually not.. either way I'm indifferent to it other than feeling warm.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5645
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    #8

    Apr 16, 2013, 08:23 PM
    Why do you sense an argument? We arectrying to help you.
    1102568's Avatar
    1102568 Posts: 65, Reputation: -1
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    #9

    Apr 16, 2013, 11:38 PM
    Maybe this is just the way you are and you are only capable of these orgasms. I'm sorry if that's the case, but at least you won't know what you are missing out on. Or maybe you are mistaking vascular throbbing of being aroused with an orgasm and your partner may have an inadequate member? I don't know, hey can you please read my question, it's quite long and no one can be bothered to answer it...
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #10

    Apr 17, 2013, 04:33 AM
    I have a few questions before I offer any advice:

    How mentally stimulated are you?

    Are you relying on physical stimulation to become aroused?

    If you do not use porn (videos), do you use any form of erotica or fantasy?

    How do you feel about sex? Is it something you look forward to or something you do to please your partner?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #11

    Apr 17, 2013, 06:50 AM
    Yes, for women, normally sex is mostly in the mind, and many women do not orgasm at all with penetration.
    A doctors exam of course will help rule out medical issues
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,250, Reputation: 10853
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    #12

    Apr 17, 2013, 08:41 AM
    I think you are so worried about how it should feel that you are distracted mentally by the act of sharing physically with another and cannot explore properly your own sexuality, or enhance your experience with your partner.

    I think you are caught in your own hang ups and now they are feeding on themselves and causing you a problem. The only solution is an honest self evaluation of yourself and the way you perceive yourself and your issues and get some facts to make a good decision on finding the next step to a solution.

    You and your partner should be working together to explore other options than you have been so far. Not to be harsh but you do need the proper guidance through this process to understand yourself and resolve your issues.
    samanthak's Avatar
    samanthak Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #13

    Apr 17, 2013, 11:36 AM
    Cat- I have been very mentally stimulated especially as of late (through fantasy) and very physically stimulated... my partner is in some ways the best lover I've known! He's very giving and turned on by arousing me. In fact the best sexual experience I had was with him.. as he fingered me, hitting my g-spot for what seemed like hours... (and though I didn't orgasm).. it literally felt as if I was on some other plane of existence and ecstasy (where the "drug" dose just seemed to increase in dose)... ha, that is a fantasy/memory I often think of. Along with other fantasies (... that haven't occurred... yet ;) )

    So no, its not something I do just to please my partner. If anything I have become more selfish in this regard.

    Talaniman- I'm not sure what your getting at. Are you suggesting new things? Are you suggesting that me and my partner have to work on things? Or that I need psychological help? Sorry, it just wasn't clear to me.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,250, Reputation: 10853
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    #14

    Apr 17, 2013, 12:14 PM
    You are trying to hard to make it perfect instead of enjoying it thoroughly. Stop looking for a bigger boom.
    samanthak's Avatar
    samanthak Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #15

    Apr 17, 2013, 12:40 PM
    I'm not looking for a "bigger" boom. "bigger would imply there being any.

    Let me put it this was... when I have sex, I rarely orgasm at all... so if I do orgasm it comes as a surprise. How can I be looking for something when I don't expect it? And again when I orgasm I get no pleasure from it... zero (but I do get pleasure from the sex itself). I don't even care if it happens, but I do care that the could be something wrong with me.
    greentree30's Avatar
    greentree30 Posts: 143, Reputation: 28
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    #16

    Apr 18, 2013, 12:11 AM
    Samanthak,
    From reading everything you've said, I think your guesses in your original question could be right. It could be neurological. To me it sounds like you could be some what numb down there. Nerve symptoms can be pain, tingling, and/or numbness. Have you ever had an accident? Fallen on your butt (even if it was when you were a child)? Did some sort of sport that put strain on your back? Or did you ever ride a bike alot? (Sometimes professional cyclists actually get numbness or pain in that area from constantly putting pressure there).

    Do you think you feel numb down there in general? Like when you sit down do you feel yourself sitting, or does your butt feel numb? Have you ever felt any other symptoms like burning or tingling? Have you ever had a pap smear and what did it feel like, did you feel anything? For most women it feels uncomfortable.

    I have nerve symptoms which sometimes causes burning "down there" and in my butt. For me sometimes sexual activity can feel too intense/sensitive (not in a good way) and sometimes painful. I have a lot of back problems, so the nerve symptoms probably stem from that. I did a ton of gymnastics growing up, so that's why I think I have back problems.


    Also it's possible a vitamin deficiency could play a role in it (if it's a nerve issue). I actually just found out I'm extremely low in B12. And now I give myself B12 injections (my doctor gave me a prescription). I've only been giving myself the B12 injections for 2 1/2 weeks so it's too soon to see big results. But I've noticed some changes with my nerve symptoms. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I don't feel as sensitive during sexual activity, it just feels more normal. And I've found myself to be more horny on the days I've given myself an injection (I hadn't even heard of that side effect). That could be a coincidence, but I tend to not ever be that horny.. and it's always hours after an injection.

    So anyway you should definitely find a good gynecologist if you haven't already and get an exam and talk to him about all this. And it would be a great idea to check your B12 levels because that plays a big role in your nervous system. Maybe it isn't the cause but it could help your nerves function better.

    Maybe it isn't a nerve problem at all, but I just wanted to chime in and say that it could be a possibility. To me it doesn't sound like a mental issue (like expecting to feel fireworks or whatever, or being too uptight, or not experimenting with your body etc).

    Quote Originally Posted by samanthak View Post
    it literally felt as if I was on some other plane of existence and ecstasy (where the "drug" dose just seemed to increase in dose)..
    Sounds like you know how to get yourself there mentally and are very much enjoying yourself in that regard! :-)
    samanthak's Avatar
    samanthak Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #17

    Apr 19, 2013, 05:45 PM
    Greentree30, thank you for your reply!!

    Honestly I have hard time answering some of your questions. Sometimes yes, it feels completely numb, other times I feel sensation or pleasure from intercourse. As for a burning or tingling sensation, I've had those at times. Years ago I remember getting q burning sensation once or twice. Tingling? Only sometimes after the orgasm subsideds (not in the vagina) but around it (butt, legs). Yes I get myself off mentally, I thoroughly enjoy sex ( you might even say I have a high sex drive) and I even, somewhat appreciate the after affects of orgasm (relaxation)... its just the orgasm itself the seems hollow/empty/nothing (idk how else to put it).

    I recently went to a gyno and the pap swear did feel uncomfortable as usual. Of course at the time I was so occupied with my questions of birth control I didn't ask about orgasm issues (and at the time I was less certain it was a medical issue). All I know is everything checked out fine.

    Any injuries? Somewhat. I've rode bikes a lot, Ive walked/bus my whole life (which includes carrying heavy objects) and my spine is now permanently unaligned to a small degree, but I do get frequent back pain. By biggest "injury" that very likely could be the direct cause; was having a "dry" birth at the time of a UTI and temp of 104 followed by an episotomy and nerve side effects from the epidural that lasted weeks.

    Still, I noticed this problem developing before I gave birth, and think it could have to do with a dietary defficiency. Right now I know my b12 levels are probably out of wack and unhealthy. I read some links to b12 and nerve damage however I can't determine if its from a defficiency or overdose (I could see either when it comes to my diet), I also have a history of anima.. and don't know if that could be an issue.

    (Sorry for the spelling errors) anyway I appreciate you taking my issue seriously, and it was helpful to hear about your nerve problems as well, thanks for sharing!
    greentree30's Avatar
    greentree30 Posts: 143, Reputation: 28
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    #18

    Apr 19, 2013, 07:33 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by samanthak View Post
    Greentree30, thank you for your reply!!!

    Honestly I have hard time answering some of your questions. Sometimes yes, it feels completely numb, other times i feel sensation or pleasure from intercourse. As for a burning or tingling sensation, I've had those at times. Years ago I remember getting q burning sensation once or twice. Tingling? Only sometimes after the orgasm subsideds (not in the vagina) but around it (butt, legs). Yes I get myself off mentally, I thoroughly enjoy sex ( you might even say I have a high sex drive) and I even, somewhat appreciate the after affects of orgasm (relaxation)...its just the orgasm itself the seems hollow/empty/nothing (idk how else to put it).

    I recently went to a gyno and the pap swear did feel uncomfortable as usual. Of course at the time I was so occupied with my questions of birth control I didn't ask about orgasm issues (and at the time I was less certain it was a medical issue). All I know is everything checked out fine.

    Any injuries? Somewhat. I've rode bikes a lot, Ive walked/bus my whole life (which includes carrying heavy objects) and my spine is now permanently unaligned to a small degree, but I do get frequent back pain. By biggest "injury" that very likely could be the direct cause; was having a "dry" birth at the time of a UTI and temp of 104 followed by an episotomy and nerve side effects from the epidural that lasted weeks.

    Still, I noticed this problem developing before I gave birth, and think it could have to do with a dietary defficiency. Right now I know my b12 levels are probably out of wack and unhealthy. I read some links to b12 and nerve damage however I can't determine if its from a defficiency or overdose (i could see either when it comes to my diet), I also have a history of anima ..and don't know if that could be an issue.

    (Sorry for the spelling errors) anyways I appreciate you taking my issue seriously, and it was helpful to hear about your nerve problems as well, thanks for sharing!
    Oh wow, there are quite a few things that make this sound like a nerve issue. But at least it is numbness and not pain! For me it wasn't just gymnastics... I also had a bunch of small things that probably cause my nerve symptoms. I use to have a heavy lifting type job too. And right after that job I got a job as a waitress and had to fill up and carry very heavy ice buckets. I had to bend over and twist to scoop the ice into the buckets. And one day that injured my back and I had to quit my job. Also around the same time I was trying to exercise in a bunch of different ways and I just started riding a bike around my neighborhood every day (for up to an hour) when I started to get my symptoms. Oh yeah I also fell out of a tree on my butt about a year before all of that!

    Please avoid bikes at all costs! They can definitely make any nerve issues in the crotch area worse. There is even a term for it "cyclists syndrome".

    The misalignment in your back sounds like a big factor. If your back is misaligned then it is probably making other things misaligned like your SI joints and hip bones. Have you ever seen a physical therapist to try to keep what you can in alignment? My hips get misaligned all the time and my physical therapist taught my husband how to realign them (it's not hard at all). Which definitely helps my symptoms at times. What caused your back to be permanently misaligned?

    What is a dry birth? And what type of nerve symptoms did you have from the epidural? I'm glad the nerve symptoms subsided after a few weeks from giving birth.
    There are some women that have gotten nerve pain from giving birth and the nerve pain never goes away (it's rare though). So it's good it got better for you.

    As for the B12.. it's highly unlikely you ever overdosed from it. I'm not an expert or anything but from everything I've read it's close to impossible to overdose on B12 because it's a water soluble vitamin. Which means your body just pees out whatever you don't need. It's more than likely you are low in B12. Especially if you are experiencing any nerve symptoms. Oh also I'm anemic too. Anemia goes hand in hand with a lack of B12. Anemia is another sign of being B12 deficient. If you get super low in B12 you can get a serious form of anemia called "Pernicious anemia". Are you tired a lot? I was tired nonstop no matter how good of sleep I got. You should get your levels checked, or if nothing else start taking sublingual B12 tablets. Also there's B12 patches. It's possible you could see some improvement in the numbness. But for me I didn't feel any benefits from the B12 patches or tablets. I didn't start feeling better until I started getting the B12 injections (which don't hurt at all). For about 3 or 4 days in a row I haven't felt super tired during the day. Which I haven't experienced in several years!

    Sorry I talked a lot about myself, I just wanted to point out some of the similarities! But it sounds like if your problem is your nerves it's very mild which is awesome!
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
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    #19

    Apr 20, 2013, 08:01 AM
    Hours of caressing your "G" spot - I think you probably went numb! Certainly I have been with men who thought that being able to continue for hours and hours was thrilling for me when, in fact, I was getting sore, feeling bruised, had had enough. Eventually numbness sets in!

    I don't understand "orgasm without pleasure." The orgasm itself isn't pleasureable?
    samanthak's Avatar
    samanthak Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #20

    Apr 21, 2013, 08:22 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Hours of caressing your "G" spot - I think you probably went numb! Certainly I have been with men who thought that being able to continue for hours and hours was thrilling for me when, in fact, I was getting sore, feeling bruised, had had enough. Eventually numbness sets in!

    I don't understand "orgasm without pleasure." The orgasm itself isn't pleasureable?
    What I was referring to was self stimulation after orgasm. Something my girlfriend suggested when I explained my problem to her (she didn't think I was getting them) so I tried it just to rule it out (this was months ago).

    I do know what you're referring to though. Seeing as I get no pleasure from them, sometimes I don't notice them, they're so faint! So my boyfriend will keep going and the sexual pleasure is just gone.. then gets sore.

    No I don't get any pleasure from orgasm. Besides what I previously wrote, I don't know how else to explain this.

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