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    germangirl's Avatar
    germangirl Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 21, 2007, 07:00 AM
    What's up with this?
    :eek: Dear you all

    In need of some insight, here is the ordeal,
    My ex and I were having a rough patch, problems irritations we decided to break up, yet couldn't break free from each other so we kept doing things couples do, nobody even knew we were broken up, I agree its stupid!
    So in short we were a couple but technically broken up... then all of a sudden he disappeared for a whole week leaving me thinking something bad happened so I was calling hospitals and all. Then he finally called me and said that something magical happened he moved in with some woman from his office (who was in a 4 year relationship and about to get married) he kept saying how in love he was and kept trying to tell me what was so damn great and was trying to let me in on the sexual details, I told him that I was revolted by this, then he replied by saying see you never listen... sjeeszz
    I learned that they got engaged after 3 weeks, and moved in together, from time to time he calls me, and when I learned that he got engaged I asked him why he is so rushed he sort of admitted that they were expected to do so according to her family, and he coulnt back out of it because he had made such a big show of their romance.
    He keeps telling me how he wants to share his newly found love with me, :confused: I think it is really disgusting. If he feels bad he calls me, but I don't pick up, which offends him.
    I heard stories about her before, he thought that she was short fat sloppy and boring, then he told me that he was surprised about them getting together and now he says that he always had a crush on her and she is all that I could never be but always wanted to be... I don't get this guy, my friends saw him a couple of times and said that he was acting in a almost manic manner really really cheerfull and kept saying how good life was and how happy he is. What do you all think?

    And please don't say just stop thinking and move on, I need some answers...

    Love you
    manimuth's Avatar
    manimuth Posts: 261, Reputation: 60
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    #2

    Mar 21, 2007, 08:16 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by germangirl
    ... he kept saying how in love he was and kept trying to tell me what was so damn great and was trying to let me in on the sexual details, i told him that i was revolted by this...He keeps telling me how he wants to share his newly found love with me, :confused: i think it is really disgusting. if he feels bad he calls me, but i dont pick up, which offends him.... now he says that he always had a crush on her and she is all that i could never be but always wanted to be

    and please dont say just stop thinking and move on, i need some answers....

    love ya
    I think you realize that it was a mistake to still have contact, after you broke up, without making any progress to addressing the reasons to why you broke up. So, I will agree with you in that, that was your first mistake.

    Above, I've quoted what I want to address from your post.

    You obviously don't want to be a part of his new found love and you have every right not to. You have every right not to pick up his calls to hear about his new girl. It is also understandable how you don't want to hear the sexual details. That he tells you "..she is all that (you) could never be but always wanted to be" is downight disrespectful!

    Yet, you don't want to be told to move on? He has obviously moved on so why do you still want to hang on? You are not a part of his love life anymore. He is using you to either listen to his problems or to make you jealous while he is engaged to another woman. You shouldn't be dragged around with this. I am not sure what kind of answers you seek but none of them will tell you that you should be a part of this. So, let it go and move on with your life.
    germangirl's Avatar
    germangirl Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Mar 22, 2007, 05:51 AM
    Thanks for your reply, the thing is that moving on is hard unless you have closure and closure comes in many forms on different terms.
    He just disappeared and called me to keep blabbing about her, it was really weird and almost out of reality. Moving on is fine and all, but in order to give it a rest I am wondering if I am the crazy person here, I mean is there something wrong with me here, or is his behavior weird.
    SouthernBelle06's Avatar
    SouthernBelle06 Posts: 166, Reputation: 83
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    #4

    Mar 22, 2007, 06:05 AM
    He wants to share his new found love with you? It seems that he now looks at the relationship with you as strictly platonic, confidants, or friends, whereas you still have feelings for him. As selfish as it sounds to you, he probably does not have intentions to hurt you by saying these things and honestly may not realize that it does. He probably thought that you were now platonic friends after the breakup as you were still seeing him. You will have to make a decision on whether you want to remain in contact with him. My advice would be no since you still have feelings for him. As has been discussed on the boards quite a bit, remaining in touch with an ex can be a bad idea at times. I agree with manimuth's post.
    manimuth's Avatar
    manimuth Posts: 261, Reputation: 60
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    #5

    Mar 22, 2007, 06:13 AM
    See, the problem is that closure comes from ourselves. When we rely on other people to give us closure, we are essentially waiting around asking permission to move on with our lives. Our lives are our own and too precious to be spent waiting around on someone else.

    From what you've said, he is out of line here. He shouldn't be calling you up "babbling" about his new girlfriend. When you were still seeing each other after breaking up, did you talk about the reasons you broke up, or tried to fix anything? I think that he was pursuing this other woman while he was still "seeing" you. Since you broke up, you shouldn't expect him to remain your boyfriend. He moved on.

    You asked if you are the "crazy person here". No, but you will be making a mistake if you obsess about finding reasons for his behavior or trying to get explanations. Of course, moving on is hard. But, remember, he has moved on without you. He doesn't seem to be too concerned about your feelings because he expects you to listen to him tell you that he has found someone better than you! And get offended when you don't listen. That is selfish!
    So, don't be dragged around but break free and move on with your life. Tell him that you are happy for his good fortunes and that you would like to move on. Stop contact with him so that you can clear your head. Pursue your interests, meet new people, and live your life.
    SouthernBelle06's Avatar
    SouthernBelle06 Posts: 166, Reputation: 83
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    #6

    Mar 22, 2007, 06:19 AM
    But to add to my post... no germangirl, you are not crazy. His behavior is insensitive and selfish, though it may not be his intention. I wouldn't choose to tell an ex all about my new love. I would worry that it would hurt them. Not long ago, I had an ex try to tell me about the girl he specifically broke up with me for and how he now lives with her. It hurt me a lot and he acted like he was surprised by that fact. I found his behavior to be very insensitive and hurtful and I called him out on it. He and I no longer speak because I couldn't remain friends with him after he left me for someone else. But I don't hate him. We were in a long distance relationship, which was difficult. Looking back now, it makes sense for him to want to be with someone closer, but I was hurt as a result... whether he intended it or not. The whole situation is sad because I lost a man that I loved and he lost me as a friend, but it's just the way it turned out. We both have to live with it.
    germangirl's Avatar
    germangirl Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Mar 22, 2007, 06:20 AM
    Hi, thank southern belle!

    Platonic schmalonic, he knows damn right how much it hurts me what he has done, and if you leave off like that you should be ashamed to mention it to your ex lover. It doesn't take einstein to figure out that it is really insensitive to keep talking about wanting to share it with me. My friends say that it is weird that he does this and that things aren't probably going that well seeing that he got engaged after 3 weeks yet nobody knows.

    Honestly I hope things fall apart completely for them I hate them so much,
    But still resenting is like taking poison and hoping the other might die, which never works.
    Moving on is hard because I keep thinking that something about this story is weird and just doesn't add up, or do these dramatic lovestories really exist,
    AlanKinNA's Avatar
    AlanKinNA Posts: 14, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Mar 22, 2007, 06:22 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by germangirl
    :eek: Dear ya all

    in need of some insight, here is the ordeal,
    my ex and i were having a rough patch, problems irritations we decided to break up, yet couldnt break free from each other so we kept doing things couples do, nobody even knew we were broken up, i agree its stupid!
    so in short we were a couple but technically broken up.... then all of a sudden he disappeared for a whole week leaving me thinking something bad happened so i was calling hospitals and all. Then he finally called me and said that something magical happened he moved in with some woman from his office (who was in a 4 year relationship and about to get married) he kept saying how in love he was and kept trying to tell me what was so damn great and was trying to let me in on the sexual details, i told him that i was revolted by this, then he replied by saying see you never listen... sjeeszz
    i learned that they got engaged after 3 weeks, and moved in together, from time to time he calls me, and when i learned that he got engaged i asked him why he is so rushed he sorta admitted that they were expected to do so according to her family, and he coulnt back out of it bc he had made such a big show of their romance.
    He keeps telling me how he wants to share his newly found love with me, :confused: i think it is really disgusting. if he feels bad he calls me, but i dont pick up, which offends him.
    i heard stories about her before, he thought that she was short fat sloppy and boring, then he told me that he was surprised about them getting together and now he says that he always had a crush on her and she is all that i could never be but always wanted to be... i dont get this guy, my friends saw him a couple of times and said that he was acting in a almost manic manner really really cheerfull and kept saying how good life was and how happy he is. what do you all think?

    and please dont say just stop thinking and move on, i need some answers....

    love ya
    Don't you want more than mere words to counsel you?
    Do you not think that being in fellowship with someone close (not virtual) would better address your situation?
    Would it be fair to invoke "go local" to this (your) problem?

    Sincerely,

    AK
    germangirl's Avatar
    germangirl Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Mar 22, 2007, 06:22 AM
    Thank you by the way it is really nice to talk about it... clears the head
    germangirl's Avatar
    germangirl Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #10

    Mar 22, 2007, 06:26 AM
    Dear AlanKina,

    Thanks but I do not know for sure what you mean, I am not a native english speaker so sometimes it's a bit difficult for me... sorry my fault, but do you mean have a relationship with someone else= I don't feel like it, I do date, but I don't want to rebound or anything hurting others isn't my intention,
    SouthernBelle06's Avatar
    SouthernBelle06 Posts: 166, Reputation: 83
    Junior Member
     
    #11

    Mar 22, 2007, 06:26 AM
    Read my second post germangirl. It may have appeared after your reply to me. :) You will see that I understand what you are going through as my ex did the same thing to me. I fully empathize with your side. Trust me.
    JacintaBlue2004's Avatar
    JacintaBlue2004 Posts: 23, Reputation: -1
    New Member
     
    #12

    Mar 22, 2007, 06:28 AM
    He probably is unhappy and now he can't just back out of it... he doesn't want you to know how unhappy he is so he plays it up and even when he sees your friends so they won't go back and tell you any negativity... he obviously miserable... he don't deserve you girl... leave it at that
    germangirl's Avatar
    germangirl Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #13

    Mar 22, 2007, 06:40 AM
    Thanks, hyacinth and sorry southern belle you are right I repleid at the same time as you did probably... sorry!

    Hyacinth thanks for your answer, I think you also have a point because getting angaged after 3 weeks because he was expected to ask her, her family pressured him and he felt pressure to live up to expectations, he told me that he wants to prospone getting married. He keeps playing it up in an almost manic manner, when he starts talking I cannot shut him up and he has this weird glare in his eyes, friends have asked me if he completely lost it.

    I really hop he gets miserable and she too, she is notyhing but a damn B. first getting married to some other guy and then running off with him. I hope this is a recipe for disaster.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,321, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #14

    Mar 22, 2007, 02:31 PM
    What weird behaviour. I think all the issues that were swept under the rug after the break up threw everything off, as they were never addressed but his actions after that leads me to believe you got lucky when he disappeared. He doesn't really sound as if he is wrapped all that tight. Stay away from this nut and get a real man to have a good time with.
    germangirl's Avatar
    germangirl Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #15

    Mar 22, 2007, 04:49 PM
    Thank ou all again!! I need too sleep now so I will repl tomorrow

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