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Joeybago · Apr 5, 2013, 03:44 PM

My ex wishes to leave our three children home alone for 2 1/2 days on his visitation weekend is that even legal? Ages are 17, 15 (completely cannot be trusted) and 10.

AK lawyer · Apr 5, 2013, 04:20 PM

Let me make sure I understand:

Your childrens' father has court ordered visitation with the children for 2 1/2 days on an upcoming weekend. He proposes to be elsewhere and let them shift for themselves in his home.

Why would he want to exercise visitiation if he isn't even going to be there? Did he actually tell you this was his plan?

To answer your question, depending on what state or country you are in, it's probably not set out explicitly in the statutes that to do this would be illegal. It might, however, be grounds for modification of his visitation, if it can be proven that he really would do that.

A 17-year old is almost an adult. At 18, in most places, one can be left alone indefinitely. So is it that much of a difference?

Joeybago · Apr 5, 2013, 04:50 PM

It is his weekend. I happen to have plans out of town that same weekend, therefore this is his solution.

ScottGem · Apr 5, 2013, 07:21 PM

So he made plans for his weekend and you did too. So now you are stuck, He can't change his plans?

I doubt if this is illegal, the 17 yr old is old enough to watch the others for the time.

dontknownuthin · Apr 5, 2013, 08:33 PM

I would recommend that you make alternative arrangements for the kids, such as for them to stay with a relative or have a relative come stay in your home for the weekend. It's his responsibility, but if he's going to be a bonehead about it, I would step in.

He doesn't have much grounds to complain - if he's not going to be there, he's giving up the parenting time voluntarily. Otherwise I suppose you could go to court and ask for an order that he either get an appropriate adult to watch the kids or cancel his plans. I would think it would be easier to get an adult friend or relative to stay with them for the weekend.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 5, 2013, 09:12 PM

Legal is an issue, that most likely there is no law but guidelines that social services would use, or that you would use in family court. You may tell him he can not do it, and see what happens, or use it for changes in visitation against him.

The issue is that at 17 or even 15 many children baby sit others over night and my 17 or 15 year old would have easily been OK by theirself for several days.

Joeybago · Apr 5, 2013, 10:57 PM

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

I would recommend that you make alternative arrangements for the kids, such as for them to stay with a relative or have a relative come stay in your home for the weekend. It's his responsibility, but if he's going to be a bonehead about it, I would step in.

He doesn't have much grounds to complain - if he's not going to be there, he's giving up the parenting time voluntarily. Otherwise I supose you could go to court and ask for an order that he either get an appropriate adult to watch the kids or cancel his plans. I would think it would be easier to get an adult friend or relative to stay with them for the weekend.

Dontknownuthin... really does know something!

dontknownuthin · Apr 6, 2013, 08:03 AM

I wouldn't make world war III over it though - just tell him, "I'm not comfortable with this arrangement so I'm going to make other plans for the kids so they have adult supervision."

If he makes an issue, let him know you will pursue the matter in court. If it comes to that, have alternative arrangements lined up, such as for your mom to come stay at your home or for each kid to stay with a friend for the weekend. I doubt any court would choose a complete lack of supervision over logical alternative arrangements. And if you have to go to court, since this plan is so dumb, ask the court to order absent dad to pay your legal expenses.

joypulv · Apr 6, 2013, 08:15 AM

I don't know of any state or local laws that define the minimum age of a babysitter for 1 day, overnight, or a weekend. I have read my state's website 'suggestions' on the subject, since it gets asked a lot.
One question I have is how much trouble you want to get your ex in, and how much you want to have full custody, if you decide to go back to court to have them spell this out for the future.
How about having each one call you, alternating, every two hours? How is the 15 year old not to be trusted - what might he do at your ex's place?

Joeybago · Apr 6, 2013, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

I wouldn't make world war III over it though - just tell him, "I'm not comfortable with this arrangement so I'm going to make other plans for the kids so they have adult supervision."

If he makes an issue, let him know you will pursue the matter in court. If it comes to that, have alternative arrangements lined up, such as for your mom to come stay at your home or for each kid to stay with a friend for the weekend. I doubt any court would choose a complete lack of supervision over logical alternative arrangements. And if you have to go to court, since this plan is so dumb, ask the court to order absent dad to pay your legal expenses.

He told the kids that I was overreacting that they'd be fine. Even told my 17 yr old to take my 10 yr old to a soccer tournament and "go ahead and let her play"!!

I've cancelled MY plans, I would NEVER relax enough to enjoy my time away. However, he will have a wonderful time golfing...

Joeybago · Apr 6, 2013, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I don't know of any state or local laws that define the minimum age of a babysitter for 1 day, overnight, or a weekend. I have read my state's website 'suggestions' on the subject, since it gets asked a lot.
One question I have is how much trouble you want to get your ex in, and how much you want to have full custody, if you decide to go back to court to have them spell this out for the future.
How about having each one call you, alternating, every two hours? How is the 15 year old not to be trusted - what might he do at your ex's place?

17 yr old-COMPLETELY trustworthy, dependable, good common sense. 15 yr old has been at dads, left unsupervised, left dads house and subsequently in trouble with the law. Cops called ex 7 times, no answer... I was forced to handle that situation (don't get me wrong, he's my child therefore my responsibility, I was just aggravated that Dad didn't bother to answer the phone). So 15 and 10 yr old NEED adult supervision. I personally don't feel it's a fair burden to put on our 17 yr old.

Ex disagrees of course, because God forbid he not golf.

joypulv · Apr 6, 2013, 08:32 AM

'God forbid he not golf.'
God, that cracked me up. I wish my dad were still alive so I could tell him this story.

I feel for you! Good luck, whatever you do. I'm not laughing at you!

Joeybago · Apr 6, 2013, 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

'God forbid he not golf.'
God, that cracked me up. I wish my dad were still alive so I could tell him this story.

I feel for you! Good luck, whatever you do. I'm not laughing at you!

I have cancelled my plans. That's what a responsible parent would do.

"F-O-R-E"
:)