[victoriamommie]

Yes I would like to grant my adopted daughter wish. She no longer wants me to be her mom. Me and her father are going thur a divorce and he has her becaue she was of age. I do not see her and her father says she has a mind of her own and if she does not want to see me or talk to me she has that right. She will be 16 in May. He has told me along with his crew to leave her alone that she has that right. I send her text and tell her that I still love her but she has told me also she wants me out of her life. This child has gain over 60lbs since I left the house and has stayed in trouble in school. And he has given power of attonery to someone else when he is not around. He told me he has that right and I can not do any thing about it. The legal separtaion says I have visition rights and he also does on the two little ones I have. He does not go by it because he says it is up to her and that the judge told him that. This child has told more than one person that she wants me out of her life. When I asked her father to let her talk to his lawyer he says no that he will not do it. If she wants it she needs to pay for it her self. She is just 15 and will not turn 16 till May. And her counsler she use to have her father said he will never be on my side even when we were married. I just want to grant her wish and do what she wants. But I do not have the money because he also has not paid child support he was told in Oct 2012 he needed to start paying and I still have not seen it along with paying half of daycare. This is one reason he will not let her do this then she does not count when it comes to child support.

[JudyKayTee]

This is posted under law - the legal answer is that you are her legal mother until someone else adopts her. What would you hope to gain by giving up your title of "mother" (which, of course, you cannot do)?

It sounds like you are emotionally hurting and striking back. Have you considered therapy for just yourself?

I'm confused about child support - she lives with her father but you want the father to pay child support to you? If there is a Court Order which is being ignored go back to Court and get it enforced.

At 15 she has no legal say because she is not an adult.

[ScottGem]

First, a court can order visitation. The custodial parent must make the child available for the visitation, but does not have to force the child to go with the non custodial parent. Especially at her age, she can refuse to be with you.

However she cannot terminate your rights, nor can you terminate them.

As for the father not paying support, you go back to the court or the OK agency that helps collect support to enforce the order.

[dontknownuthin]

It might be helpful to know a few things.

First, your child is not considered an adult (at least in the US) until 18. If you do not approve of your child's behavior or feel her health (gaining 60 pounds) is being neglected by the father, you should bring these issues up in court and make sure you get all of your parenting time, and perhaps ask for her custody to be returned to you.

Second, teenage girls usually fight with their mothers. They often say "I hate you" or other terrible things and moms are often the easiest person to take things out on. I was horrible to my mom when I was a teenage girl and I think it was because everything annoyed me due to the hormones of being a teenager, and she was a safe target. By "safe target" I mean that I was well aware that no matter how aweful I was, she was my mom and wasn't going anywhere. You need to show your daughter that she can't fire you from being her mom, her dad can't either. You are her mom, period.

Third, I'm annoyed beyond belief to hear a parent refer to their child as their "adopted child" in the way you have. If you are talking pleasantly about how your family came together, sure, mention the adoption if the subject is comfortable and known to everyone in the family. However, she is not less of your child because she's adopted. She's your daughter, period - whether she was born to you or adopted is irrelevant in every way.

The court may consider her preference at this age, but most courts are aware when teenagers are acting like spoiled brats. They are also aware that teenagers will often choose the parent that does the least parenting - the one who lets them get away with whatever they want to do. If the child is getting in trouble, living on fast food because dad's not home to prepare healthy meals, not doing well in school and so on - well, the court won't like it and the judge will side with you if you say, "She's still a minor and she's not being held accountable, fed properly or parented adequately so I'd like her returned to me with her father having visitation".

Don't be a doormat - this is your kid. Fight for your kid. She can like you later, when she grows up and has snotty kids and realizes how much she needed you. If you have to force her to have you as her mom, well, so be it. In fact, if you let her have her way in this, she's going to feel you abandoned her. Stupid, I know - it's a test. She's feeling insecure about her parents being divorced and who does or doesn't care about her. I think that's what the acting out is about, the over-eating and the attitude - she feels like nobody's paying attention. She needs to hear you say, "you don't have to like me but sorry kid, I'm your mom and you're not an adult yet, so you also have to follow my rules."