[nura]

I'm 17 year old Muslim girl and I want to get married because to protect myself from committing any sin that would harm me or my future. My only option is to get married to protect myself from the things that are happening around me. My only problem is that I don't know how tell my mother I want get married and who to marry because I don't have anyone on the eye right as I don't usually get involved with guys. I pray my 5 times a day and aks Allah the all mighty for forgiveness and peace in life in addition I'm grateful for everything Allah has given me -Alhamdulillah-..

Please give all the advice you can give me... Thank you

-may Allah give you all the peace and happiness-

[Zea]

"…to protect myself from committing any sin that would harm me or my future." Protect yourself from what sin? Is staying single a sin?

[Alty]

How would getting married protect you from sin?

[smkanand]

Please tell the truth. You said you don't see boys. Do you see girls? Are you attracted to someone? Please clarify the situation. What is happening around you?

[nura]

please tell the truth. you said you don't see boys. do you see girls? are you attracted to someone? please clarify the situation. what is happening around you?

Of course I see boys as I go to college, the street I live in isn't good. Allah said marriage will keep you from committing or getting in to haram things I know you guys are thinking *what an earth she talking about Getting married?*. Allah said women show keep their eyes down and stay away from haram but I'm a teenager im not perfect.im just saying marriage will give me set of rules to follow.

[Alty]

of course I see boys as I go to college, the street I live in isn't good. Allah said marriage will keep you from committing or getting in to haram things I know you guys are thinking *what an earth she talking about Getting married?*. Allah said women show keep their eyes down and stay away from haram but im a teenager im not perfect.im just saying marriage will give me set of rules to follow.

It sounds like you already have a set of rules to follow, that you're having difficulty with. Why would getting married make you suddenly follow the rules? When you get married do the rules that you are required to follow now, suddenly go away? Do you get a new set of rules you must follow?

[nura]

How would getting married protect you from sin?

As a Muslim girl I want to stay away from getting in doing bad things but its hard as I'm only 17 but my marriage will give me some rules to follow. Muslim girls are not allowed to have physical contact such as touching them or emotional contact toward guys and I don't like any guy so far... I really don't know how to in to words for you.

[nura]

It sounds like you already have a set of rules to follow, that you're having difficulty with. Why would getting married make you suddenly follow the rules? When you get married do the rules that you are required to follow now, suddenly go away? Do you get a new set of rules you must follow?

No I'm not saying that. I know have rules to follow right now.but if I get married it will safe me from have contact or get in to relationship with guys (I don't want that) I'm only a teenager I know that.I just want to protect myself from doing something I will regret in the future... I really wish I could make you understand

[nura]

"…to protect myself from committing any sin that would harm me or my future." Protect yourself from what sin? Is staying single a sin?

I never said staying single is sin!. all I can I say it marriage will protect me from getting to doing bad things as I am not allowed to but if I get married it will save me a lot of trouble and future regrets.. .

[Alty]

no im not saying that. I know have rules to follow right now.but if I get married it will safe me from have contact or get in to relationship with guys (I dont want that) im only a teenager I know that.i just want to protect myself from doing something i will regret in the future...I really wish I could make you understand

I do understand, I just find it silly to think that getting married will automatically make you stop longing for things that are natural for a teenager to long for. If you marry someone you don't love, you will still long for the things you're finding hard to resist now.

Surely you can control yourself enough to not do something you would regret later. Why get married now when you're so young? It will likely end up being something you regret later.

I'm not very familiar with your religious beliefs, but do girls get married very young in your culture? Is this something your parents would even allow? As I understand it, your parents would be the one to choose a husband for you. Are they ready to do that at your age?

[nura]

I do understand, I just find it silly to think that getting married will automatically make you stop longing for things that are natural for a teenager to long for. If you marry someone you don't love, you will still long for the things you're finding hard to resist now.

Surely you can control yourself enough to not do something you would regret later. Why get married now when you're so young? It will likely end up being something you regret later.

I'm not very familiar with your religious beliefs, but do girls get married very young in your culture? Is this something your parents would even allow? As I understand it, your parents would be the one to choose a husband for you. Are they ready to do that at your age?

No my dad he doesn't care what I do with my life but my mother on the other hand will say NO! And girls don't get married at young age that is not how my culture worka but if the girl is over 18 yes she can (if she wants). The parents can choose the husband for the girl (if she wants only) if not she can choose it for herself. I know all marriage in this age is silly but I really really don't want do stupid things on the same time having people peer pressuring you all the time. Before marriage I want to get to know that person whiles an adult is with us (becoz we can't be alone is part of our religion of islam) get to know him and see if he is good at preforming his religion and praying his 5 timea a day and if he is a good Muslim men and will treat me right and give me my rights and protection (children can wait for 3-4 years) I need to finish uni. I'm not into love or things like that as I don't believe in it.

[Alty]

If you are allowed to get married when you're 18, why not wait until then? You're 17 now, you won't have that long to wait.

How will you find a husband? If you're not allowed to even make eye contact with men, how will you meet a man? Seems a bit difficult to me.

Allah said women show keep their eyes down

So how do you plan on finding this future husband of yours?

[nura]

If you are allowed to get married when you're 18, why not wait until then? You're 17 now, you won't have that long to wait.

How will you find a husband? If you're not allowed to even make eye contact with men, how will you meet a man? Seems a bit difficult to me.



So how do you plan on finding this future husband of yours?

I will be 18 in four months... and we can make eye contact I didn't mean like we are never allowed to make eye contact. We are if we wany communicat. My mother will help me find one is just I don't know how to go up to my mother and tell her that I want to marry.

[smkanand]

I think moms are like best friends, at least my mom is to me, be friend with your mom, and tell her that you want to get settled down in life. But I still don't understand this sin issue.

[nura]

I think moms are like best friends, at least my mom is to me, be friend with your mom, and tell her that you want to get settled down in life. but I still don't understand this sin issue.

I know, me and my mum are really close but telling her that I want to get married is So embarrassing is the most embarrassing thing in the world as well a hard thing to do. About the sin thing is hard to explain but marriage will save me from many thangs that are on the way.. .

[xTiffanyx]

OK so do you have someone else in your family your comfortable to talk to...
e.g. your aunt or someone close like that. Also my friend who is a muslim had the same issue like you, Iqra, so she went on a islmic marriage website and found a perfect match but be careful... she would recommend these

Muslim Matrimonial, Muslim Marriage, Zawaj, Muslima Singles at IslamicMarriage.com

And

SingleMuslim.com - Muslim Singles, Shaadi and Marriage Introductions Online - Single Muslim Rest of the World

[JudyKayTee]

You don't believe in "love and things like that"? What are "things like that?"

If you want the security and safety of marriage and don't believe in love, I don't see why you are delaying marrying. I know it's the opposite of what everyone else has said, but if you are planning to wait, what are you waiting for?

If you are afraid of sexual sin, then marry and have sex within the marriage.

I don't think marriage will give you sexual self control, and I also think you are changing your answers in order to comply with what is being said to you.

[Zea]

I think she is waiting until she is 18, and waiting to tell someone like her mom, but she feels embarrassed, or whatever the reason is.
I still don't get what sin you are afraid to commit; is it having a sexual relationship for pleasure, you are afraid of? Or being attracted to someone in a sexual way?
You know, I have two Muslim friends, and they are not as religious as you are; one of them even has a boyfriend. But she does not let her parents find out, gosh knows what they will do.
Any who, all you can do now is wait until you are 18, and you should be able to talk to your mom about these things it is really normal, I think, if not than find someone else you could comfortably speak with, after your parents know they will be the only once to know what comes after that. Most importantly, did you not say that when you are about to marry someone, they give you a chance to speak with him, with the presence of someone to watching over you? If that is so, than you will be able to judge his character and find if you like him or not.
Hmmm, even after getting married, I wonder how you will manage in school.

[Alty]

Hmmm, even after getting married, I wonder how you will manage in school.

That's what I'm wondering too.

Apparently the OP thinks that once she's married she will no longer have sexual urges, or sinful thoughts, or whatever it is she's worried about doing.

Marriage doesn't turn everything off, especially if you don't even love the guy you marry. In fact, if you end up with someone you barely tolerate, your more likely to look at others and wish you were with them.

This is why teens shouldn't marry. They think marriage is a cure for everything, someone to love, someone to watch out for them, take care of them. That's rarely the reality.

[Zea]

You know what, there is no doubt that you are right. But I really wonder if she speaks with other boys. She is motivated to do something yet there is always a limit, is it always like that?