[Kathica]

I don't know why I was so stupid to cheat on my boyfriend. This happened months ago, but I still regret it. I also cheated on him with that same person a few weeks ago, and I feel dirty and stupid and I know that if he were ever to find out he would be in so much pain. I just can't do that to him. I know I am an awful person, and I know exactly my mistakes. But all I want to know is how can I ever move on? How can I leave all the negative things I have done, he has done, everything negative, and just move on?

When I was a child I was abused and harassed. I won't go into details but this has gone through my whole life. I am now 18, and I am really lost. I used to laugh a lot, have friends, write, make art, have a lot of energy and now it's like it's all sucked up. Everything is gone and I'm the one to blame. I love my boyfriend a lot, so very much, I would do anything for him. I know I have done wrong with cheating on him twice, but I don't know if I should tell him. I really just want to start over.

I am very antisocial, shy, depressive, self-destructive in a way, and pessimistic now. I used to be much better than I am now. I used to have a family 2 years ago, but when I declared sexual harassment towards my uncle they all believed him instead of me. Why? Because they thought that my father had made it all up. Because my mother had had an affair with my uncle during my parents marriage... and it seems cheating is in my genes. :( ? I don't have anyone but my boyfriend and my little brother.

I really want to talk about my life I suppose, because everything that I used to have. Now I just don't have anymore. I need psychological help, I told my mother to take me to one, but it's like she keeps avoiding it. She has never told me that she loves me. I'm sure she does, but anyway, all these problems just pile up in my head. The harassment, cheating, abandonment, loneliness, my future looking grim... etc. I just want to move on. I want to feel out of guilt, new, free and without pain and frustration. I really hate myself, for not being perfect for him, although he has done things too, and he is not a saint (nor am I), I don't just want to tell him everything and for him to leave me all alone with my thoughts. I don't want to be alone.

I will stop talking to that person whom I cheated on him with, I will. I really just want a solution, an epiphany! Something that will show me the way, enlighten me. I need help, and I am ready to help myself. I used to cut, I attempted suicide twice. I just wanted to let anyone know, who could be going through a similar issue, that I like you, need help. I am taking my first step towards recovery. Even if it's through the Internet. This is my step. Please help.

[Alty]

You keep saying that you don't want to tell him the truth because you don't want to be alone. It's all about you, not him, or love. If you love someone you're honest with them, you give them the choice to stay or go, despite how it may affect you. You're being very selfish by not telling him, because you don't want it to affect you. Is that the way you want to live?

I've also been through a lot in my life, I was also molested as a child by a family member, I was raped at the age of 18, I lost both of my parents to cancer 6 1/2 months apart, I had a miscarriage that almost killed me, and much more. I could sit here and focus on my past, and make my future all about the things that happened, or the things I did. I choose not to.

Every day is a new day. I do recommend that you get help dealing with this. You're 18, you're an adult, you don't need your mother's permission to get therapy. This is in your hands.

Tell your boyfriend the truth. If he leaves, so be it, you'll figure out how to deal with it, and I'm more than willing to help you through it. He deserves the truth, and you deserve to leave the past behind you and start fresh. It's a new day, a new start, but you have to help yourself. No one else can do it for you.

[Homegirl 50]

Get some counseling. You are 18, you can do this without your mom. You said you tried to commit suicide 2 times did you not continue with therapy after that?
Be honest with your boyfriend, it may hurt him and your relationship but in the long run you will feel better.
Tell the truth and start with a clean conscious and state of mind.

[Comeandgetme12]

It is best to be honest, and after you tell him part of you will feel better even if he leaves. Its good that you are taking a step towards recovery and remember that what evers happened to you, something worse has happened to someone else, like the Alty lady up there. Not saying you shouldn't grieve, because it's been hard for you, but unless you talk it out and don't pitty party (not saying you do) it will never get better and certainly won't cure it's self.