[jackson71]

I'm your normal run of the mill 40 yo guy who does not find other men attractive but yet me and my elder 47 year old cousin have been having sex for years. It started one night I was 11 he was 18 we were under our grandads house late at night smoking, when out of the blue he asked if I had any pubic hair yet, then one thing led to another before I knew it he was giving me oral sex.

Then every time we were left alone together we had sex. Although I was only 11 at the time it wasn't molestation that fact is I loved it. Anyway the thing is don't understand is I'm not attracted to men at all not even my cousin but we always still to this day have sex when we visit each other like we are supposed to or something.

So am I gay?

[odinn7]

Yep.
At least bi.

But yeah, if you're having sex with another guy, you're definitely not straight.

And as a side... your cousin should have been arrested. He took advantage of you whether you think so now or not.

[mickey007]

Since you don't find any males attractive, I do not think you are gay. He molested you. Even though you say that you loved it, the reality is we don't control how our bodies react. He violated you and made it a habit for you to have sex. So you continue out of habit since it has been going on for nearly 30 years. Have you ever wondered why you keep having sex with your cousin since you were 11 until now even though you don't find men attractive? I don't think you've considered it deeply enough and that may be because he still has your mind affected. Here is the reason I think you still do:

You "have sex when we visit each other like we are suposed to or something".

The key words here are "like we are supposed to or something". Not because you want or desire him but because you feel like it's normal, because that's what's expected.

In order to get a healthy perspective on things, distance yourself from your cousin. You don't realize it, but he is toxic. You're still in the mindset that you were in when you were a child when it comes to sex with him and that is dangerous and I worry for you. Even if there are family functions where he may possibly come to, avoid going to these. Don't feel guilty, rather you are doing what's best for you.

I recommend going to group therapy especially geared for victims of child molestation. It may help you gain perspective to hear the experiences and views of others who were molested when they were a child.

It may be difficult to realize that what had happened to you was child molestation but it was. You did not ask for sex when he initially started molesting you nor did you desire it or say "yes".

I wish you all the best on your journey towards healing.

[talaniman]

Your not gay just caught up in a vicious habit. You were groomed by an older fellow to service each other. Programed. What's the rest of your life like?