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New Member
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Mar 17, 2013, 06:35 AM
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Help any advice appreciated! On a break?
I had been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about one year. We never fought, always had so much fun and the sexual chemistry between us was great. Last week he broke up with me saying that he doesn't love me anymore. He said that he used to feel like he wanted to spend so much time with me and now he doesn't feel that way. That his feelings have changed. I asked him if he wasn't sexually attracted to me, he said that wasn't the case. He said that I am so fun to hang out with but I just don't destress him and make him happy like I used to at the end of the day. He said he didn't feel the connection like he used to. There were NO warning signs of this.
Up until he broke up with me we hung out pretty much everyday, still continued to go on dates (which he initiated some). I just don't understand how he could spend so much time with me still if he was feeling different he said he has felt this way since 5 weeks ago. The same time his classes started again, he is taking a lot this semester.
We talked the next day and I tried to tell him that I think it was the amount of time we spent together everyday all the time and that the spark can be reignited in a relationship. He said he didn't know that his work and his dad hassling him about getting a job daily after college is a lot (graduates in 1month). He told me his feelings hadn't changed over night which is reasonable. He told me he would think about what I said he needed a week two weeks. I told him that he didn't have to do that to be nice and if he was done with the relationship I respected his feelings and he could tell me. He is always honest. He said he just needed a week two weeks. I decided to myself to not text him so he can have his full space. I have 4 days left until the week is up, it's killing me obviously. My question is what do I make of this? How long do I wait to text him? Is a week long enough to sort through some things? I'm scared too much space will push him away.
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Expert
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Mar 17, 2013, 07:18 AM
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You are not the first couple that get bonded and attached and the stress and reality of the real world changes everything. In such cases its hardly a good thing to just wait on a partner to see how they feel, rather use this break to clear a path for success for yourself, by building a life that you enjoy without him.
That keeps you focused on what you need to do, and not just waiting to fix a relationship. You can also have this time to adjust to changes that have occurred as he has more on his mind than just enjoying being in love that for now are his new priorities, and rightfully so. He is pursuing his interests, and if he wants to talk to you then let him contact you and maybe you both can make adjustments that help in the future.
This is the healthy approach hoping for the best, and expecting the worse as you recognize things may never go back to the way it was. Read my signature, and know that love often gets complicated by the real world, but be aware that he has told you already that his feelings have changed, and he sees his whole world differently.
Don't look for easy answers and quick fixes, there are none.
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New Member
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Mar 22, 2013, 12:13 PM
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I've been there and it's hard. But here's what you do. Write your feelings out in a journal and express it there. This way you can get it off you. My boyfriend did the same thing to me and I said, I'll give you a few days to think. Then I thought, well, no I'm not, so I broke up with him. It felt good and I felt better because I took my power back. Trust me, there are other men out there, but if he's for you, he will be back. Just don't beg him or sound needy. Do some fun things to get your mind off him, because he can feel your energy.
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Senior Member
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Mar 23, 2013, 08:34 AM
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Don't be sacred that space will push him. Space might cause him miss you. And if he end this, then that means he has already decided that. Because such things don't happen overnight. I think you are some way know that his feelings are changed. This is going to be difficult but if it has to end, then you end it properly. You should ask him genuine reason for this. Good luck.
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