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662418082010 · Mar 14, 2013, 05:40 AM

My common-law husband brought up the subject about me signing a co-habitation agreement. He went to his lawyers and he strongly suggested that he do that. The subject had never before been brought up and it kind of hurt me. He is a self-employed established man with his own business. He has good assets and has two kids.

I do not want this to be an issue with us as our relationship is very good. I do understand him wanting to protect his assets and his kids' future, however I am feeling a little hurt. I am not a selfish person not do I want his material belongings. I have a good job and can support myself if we were to break up.

I am not sure why this is bothering me so much as I did not think it would should the subject ever come up. I am feeling like he can just get rid of me whenever he wants if this is to be signed. I don't know? I am not feeling like an equal partner right now and I don't feel like a sense of belonging at his house. If something were to happen to him tomorrow or in 2 years from now or in 5 years or 10 years... what happens to me? Do I just get kicked out? I just don't know how to explain it? Can anyone help me make light of this and why I am feeling this way. It really bothers me!

Oliver2011 · Mar 14, 2013, 06:08 AM

It is probably pretty normal to be upset a little about this and you probably should be honest about your emotions/feelings with your partner. Having said that since he is protecting his rights, you shouldn't sign anything without protecting your rights. I would think if it is truly a common law marriage situation and common law is recognized in your state, you would be entitled to the same benefits as if you were married. But don't take my word on that, consult a family law attorney.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 14, 2013, 07:28 AM

This should have been done prior to moving in.

Where are you at, in the US there are few places that accept common law marriage any more. So for it to be a true common law marriage it has to be in a place where that is legal and meet the requirements.

But it sounds like he does not want to give you anything from his property if you divorce ( break up) but what about will if he dies, that is often different

662418082010 · Mar 14, 2013, 07:34 AM

I live in Ontario Canada so the law is that 1 year in cohabitation is common law. I don't want his assets, I am just feeling sad about it... I don't know why>? And yes sometimes the will will be different, but I can't ask him that. That is a private this for a person and I have no right.

Curlyben · Mar 14, 2013, 07:39 AM

I know this may sound trite, but why not simply get married...
Especially as "common law" isn't legally recognised.

662418082010 · Mar 14, 2013, 07:52 AM

Well the marriage subject has come up a few times, but he simply ignores my comments.LOL I don't think he wants that, but I do. I do not want to be someone's girlfriend, but someone's wife. This makes me sad, but I love and respect this man. He is a good person and we are very good together. I just wish I would just sign this and get this feeling to go away, but it really bothers me. :(

Oliver2011 · Mar 14, 2013, 08:29 AM

You don't have to make this a horrible situation between you two. But you need to be protected as well. There are websites where as paralegals will tell you the laws in your state, assuming you are in the US.

662418082010 · Mar 14, 2013, 08:32 AM

I live in Ontario Canada. Our laws are a bit different I think. My net worth is about 100,000$ and his is approximately 2,000,000$ so I can see from his end that it must be worrisom... but it hurts anyway. But I can't blame him. I just don't know how to emotionally handle it.

joypulv · Mar 14, 2013, 09:20 AM

Have you seen the agreement? Perhaps it gives you a generous amount if he leaves you. Usually there are terms for if you leave him or are caught having an affair, etc.

You are 44 and he is 39. I take it you aren't planning on children with him? Or if you want them, period? Or have any already?

If you have hinted about marriage, and he has no intention of marrying anyone, then it's possible that he is worried about you getting fed up and suing him for some sort of palimony. Hence, this agreement.

You have some big decisions to make! The kind no one else can make for you.

talaniman · Mar 14, 2013, 01:00 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/bankru...ed-659093.html

Does he know of this? If he does, and why wouldn't he (a simple background check), this would be the basis for his protecting himself.

You seem to be easily made insecure by anything this fellow does but I strongly advise you to recognize he is protecting himself, and rightfully so, and so should you be protecting YOURSELF. Please make better money decisions than you have in the past and get/keep your personal finances in good order.

The truth is that he could change is feelings and give you so much time to get out, without you signing an agreement. His lawyer wrote it, so you should have YOUR lawyer look it over, and let you know your rights.

This is about handling your business, as he handles his, so please do so, and put those feelings aside until you do. I'm no lawyer, but any agreement that doesn't include a reasonable allowance (so you can stash it) while you live together, and moving expenses just in case he does kick you out, ain't worth a hill of beans to me.

Get a lawyer, and worry about the feelings after you have handled your business. Maybe an honest discussion is what's really needed, and maybe that's what his agreement is about.

Good Luck.