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Inaya · Mar 12, 2013, 10:22 AM

Hi,

I am madly in love with my best friend. I just can't live without talking to him. He is such a wonderful guy. I feel if my love is true, some day he will realize it. But its been more than a year. He considers me only a very good friend. He has another best friend who is a girl too. I feel so much jealousy when he is with her. One sided love hurts so much.

My parents want me to get marry soon but I don't even feel like talking to other guys. I pray to God for him or else I want to die. I have tried many times to overcome this one sided love by not talking to him but not possible. Rather avoiding him, makes me even more crazy for him. Every minute, every moment, I want to talk to him. I can't concentrate myself on any other thing. Please help.

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odinn7 · Mar 12, 2013, 10:32 AM

This is not healthy for you. You can't make someone love you and if he doesn't love you then waiting around for him forever will not be good for anyone. You should just let this go and find someone else.

LittleBlackKat · Mar 12, 2013, 10:34 AM

How old are you, first of all? Perhaps it is not really 'love' you are feeling but lust and jealousy combined together to form some sort of obsession. If you both have already communicated and he has stressed that he only thinks of you as a friend, then consider yourself lucky and try not to abuse that trust and level of intimacy. Intimacy and love come in different forms-not everything has to end romantically.

Don't beat yourself up about it though. If it is part of your culture to get married soon, then focus on that if you want, and don't be dramatic about death because of one person. One sided love hurts, but you're not the only who has been through it. You'll look back at this one day and laugh.

Focus on being a friend to him if that's what he wants. You just need to respect his wishes if you really care about this man.

All the best.

Inaya · Mar 12, 2013, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by LittleBlackKat

How old are you, first of all? Perhaps it is not really 'love' you are feeling but lust and jealousy combined together to form some sort of obsession. If you both have already communicated and he has stressed that he only thinks of you as a friend, then consider yourself lucky and try not to abuse that trust and level of intimacy. Intimacy and love come in different forms-not everything has to end romantically.

Don't beat yourself up about it though. If it is part of your culture to get married soon, then focus on that if you want, and don't be dramatic about death because of one person. One sided love hurts, but you're not the only who has been through it. You'll look back at this one day and laugh.

Focus on being a friend to him if that's what he wants. You just need to respect his wishes if you really care about this man.

All the best.

Yeah, we are very good friends.. Bt I want to know is he my obsession and nt love? If he is, then please tel me how do I get free from this obsession.. N its really easy for me to get marry.. I don't feel like talking to any other guy.. Evn if I marry smbdy, it won't be fair to him..

LittleBlackKat · Mar 12, 2013, 10:48 AM

It may be obsession. Jealous is a sign of obsession. For all we know he may be as good friends with the other girl as he is with you. You need to detach yourself from him for a while. Focus your time on other things: Maybe take up a new hobby, learn to cook a new dish, garden, take on music lessons, find a new friend. It's not really that complicated, really. It's just a matter of coming to terms with the fact that this person is a friend only, and that is a wonderful thing. I truly love the idea of a man and a woman being JUST friends without any awkward sexual notions coming into play.

Inaya · Mar 12, 2013, 10:55 AM

Isn't being jealous in this kind of situation a normal thng? I mean Wn u love smbdy, you wl obviously won't like him talking to some other friend.. Shd I detach myself by nt talking to him? Bt I can't do this because I don't want to lose him as my friend also..

LittleBlackKat · Mar 12, 2013, 10:58 AM

Being jealous is not healthy if it is between friends only. Jealousy can destroy the best of friendships AND relationships. Do you trust him as a friend? If yes, then you need to be less jealous and be his friend. You can't stop him from talking to another girl or boy if he wants to, and that's the simple fact. But letting yourself obsess over it is another thing. You can put together many different types of scenarios about him and this other girl, and none of it will be 100% in the end. You're acting emotionally, which is fine, but remember to also use logic.

As odinn7 already stated, this is not healthy for you. You're better off spending your time finding someone you CAN be with romantically rather than obsessing over someone you likely will NOT end up with. You're just dangling with a string of "maybe" and possibilities.

Inaya · Mar 12, 2013, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by LittleBlackKat

Being jealous is not healthy if it is between friends only. Jealousy can destroy the best of friendships AND relationships. Do you trust him as a friend? If yes, then you need to be less jealous and be his friend. You can't stop him from talking to another girl or boy if he wants to, and that's the simple fact. But letting yourself obsess over it is another thing. You can put together many different types of scenarios about him and this other girl, and none of it will be 100% in the end. You're acting emotionally, which is fine, but remember to also use logic.

As odinn7 already stated, this is not healthy for you. You're better off spending your time finding someone you CAN be with romantically rather than obsessing over someone you likely will NOT end up with. You're just dangling with a string of "maybe" and possibilities.

Yeah you are absolutely right in saying m dangling with a string of 'maybe' n possibilities.. Bt I really wished it to be both sided.. Till nw I was praying, bargaining to God for his love.. Thanks for al your help.. I wl try to act upon your advice.. Yeah its true, I can't force anybdy to love me..

LittleBlackKat · Mar 12, 2013, 11:25 AM

Exactly. It does indeed hurt, I totally get that. I could write a book on how many times I have been lead on and wasted my time trying to hold on to the hope that so and so loved me when in reality I was only wasting my time and making a fool of myself. But mistakes are bound to be made. They make us human. Just try to take it as a lesson learned and next time try not to let your guard down in the future. Maybe wait it out longer in the future until both sides have communicated their true feelings.

Inaya · Mar 12, 2013, 11:39 AM

Originally Posted by LittleBlackKat

Exactly. It does indeed hurt, I totally get that. I could write a book on how many times I have been lead on and wasted my time trying to hold on to the hope that so and so loved me when in reality I was only wasting my time and making a fool of myself. But mistakes are bound to be made. They make us human. Just try to take it as a lesson learned and next time try not to let your guard down in the future. Maybe wait it out longer in the future until both sides have communicated their true feelings.

Jst one last question.. My parents daily bring a new match for me.. I give them some excuse and reject every guy.. I don't like doing this bt my heart is not ready yet to accept any other person.. I want sm time bt I can't afford to have..

LittleBlackKat · Mar 12, 2013, 11:43 AM

Is there any other relative you can talk to who isn't trying to force a match for you? If so, I'd approach them. If that is not an option, you should talk to both your parents or one of them and tell them exactly what is going on. Else you'll be stuck in this circle for a while.

Inaya · Mar 12, 2013, 11:46 AM

Originally Posted by LittleBlackKat

Is there any other relative you can talk to who isn't trying to force a match for you? If so, I'd approach them. If that is not an option, you should talk to both your parents or one of them and tell them exactly what is going on. Else you'll be stuck in this circle for a while.

No, I can't talk to anybody..

Originally Posted by odinn7

This is not healthy for you. You can't make someone love you and if he doesn't love you then waiting around for him forever will not be good for anyone. You should just let this go and find someone else.

Its easy to say, leave him.. I have tried bt failed.. I don't want to find someone else..

xTiffanyx · Mar 12, 2013, 12:15 PM

Why can't you just tell your parents your not ready or you already love another guy.There your parents they will listen and undersatnd.
I'm sure your parents won't force you to marry someone you don't like
Remember force marriage isn't right
And if they don't listen I'm sure there is someone else another family member your comfortable with
Or a close friend.

Don't worry,I know its hard

_____________________________________

Remember Love will touch us one time but it will last us a lifetime.”

One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions

odinn7 · Mar 12, 2013, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by xTiffanyx

Why can't you just tell your parents your not ready or you alredy love another guy.There your parents they will listen and undersatnd.
im sure your parents wont force you to marry someone you don't like
Remeber force marriage isn't right
And if they dont listen im sure there is someone else another family member your comfortable with
or a close freind.

Whether you think it's right or not is irrelevant. In some cultures, it is still very much "alright" and accepted. Telling someone that their cultural beliefs are not all right is not the way things are done here.

Originally Posted by Inaya

Its easy to say, leave him.. I have tried bt failed.. I dnt wanna find someone else..

Sure it's easy to say it... and it should be fairly easy to do it when he has made it clear that he wants nothing more than friendship. He told you that and you still hang on. Doing this to yourself is not good for you at all. How does it make you feel now? Bad, right? In 5 years if you're still hanging on, will that be better? I doubt it. It is best to save yourself the pain now and try to let go before you hurt yourself more by clinging to something that can't be.

And so you know... I've let go before too. So don't think it's something that I haven't been through.

xTiffanyx · Mar 12, 2013, 12:37 PM

Originally Posted by: odinn7
(Sure it's easy to say it... and it should be fairly easy to do it when he has made it clear that he wants nothing more than friendship. He told you that and you still hang on. Doing this to yourself is not good for you at all. How does it make you feel now? Bad, right? In 5 years if you're still hanging on, will that be better? I doubt it. It is best to save yourself the pain now and try to let go before you hurt yourself more by clinging to something that can't be.

And so you know... I've let go before too. So don't think it's something that I haven't been through)

Hey its me tiffany,

Inaya, look odinn7 right... You need to move on hanging on to him won't make a difference especially when he told you that its nothing more than freindship.
If you start looking harder maybe you will find someone you like,someone that is suitable for you... who knows this world is full of people out there you just got to look.Life always has its ups and downs its not the first...

Inaya · Mar 12, 2013, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by xTiffanyx

Why can't you just tell your parents your not ready or you already love another guy.There your parents they will listen and undersatnd.
im sure your parents wont force you to marry someone you don't like
Remeber force marriage isn't right
And if they dont listen im sure there is someone else another family member your comfortable with
or a close freind.

Dont worry,i know its hard

My parents are not forcing me to marry somebody.. They just want me to get settled by marrying a suitable person

_____________________________________

Remeber Love will touch us one time but it will last us a lifetime.”

One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions

My parents are not forcing me to marry somebody.. They just want me to get settled in my life..

xTiffanyx · Mar 13, 2013, 12:27 PM

OK

talaniman · Mar 13, 2013, 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by Inaya

My parents are not forcing me to marry somebody.. They just want me to get settled in my life..

Take your time, one event will not solve your problem, but time will heal you if you focus on other things besides the love you can never have.

Inaya · Mar 25, 2013, 11:09 AM

I am not being able to get over my one sided love.. I hv tried everything, nt thinking about him, nt talking to him.. Bt its hurting me like anything.. He is my best friend.. The memories of the time we had spent together is haunting me.. I want to get over it.. Want to live my life.. I am so sick of my life.. Please help

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JudyKayTee · Mar 25, 2013, 11:11 AM

Stay busy with friends, hobbies, work, school, other activities.

Please stop opening new threads. You know how AMHD works, how to ask and read the responses.