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    Mainevent's Avatar
    Mainevent Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 19, 2007, 06:19 PM
    My best friend Died 2 years ago today my girlfriend don't understand
    My best friend Died 2 years ago today and my GF just donít understand. She was my best this is really confusing and I hope you can understand this all my best friend died two years ago in trouble car accident and well the thing is I never met her. I know that sounds messed up but itís the truth. This girl was my best friend she was the one who understood me the one I could tell everything to and just talk on the phone or online or what ever. Then she was driving up here form New Brunswick Canada and she hit buy transport head on in her car. I was at my home and my step mom knocks on my door and said we need to talk and at that moment my life came crashing down. My mom told my girlfriend that she died and she came in my place and just said why you crying didnít hug me didnít nothing just said why you crying and when anniversary of her death comes up my girlfriend become very closed off and is rude when I am upset about it.
    Megg's Avatar
    Megg Posts: 421, Reputation: 53
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    #2

    Mar 19, 2007, 06:25 PM
    Well, I understand what its like to lose someone who's a friend or family etc. I think that your girl is being very selfish. First off, as your girl she should be supportive even if she doesn't understand. She clearly isn't a good match for you. You deserve to be with someone who will understand you, or try to at least. To be there for you even when its not understandable. I think you really should take time to think about if she's really someone you want to be with. Tell her she's hurting you. About your friend, no its not werid that you didn't meet your friend in person. It sometime's take's year's to get over a sudden death. Sometime's people take longer. You should try to remember your friend by the talks you had and the time's you've laughed together. She's in a better place. Let that calm you. Good luck hun.
    Dreamer's Avatar
    Dreamer Posts: 76, Reputation: 13
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    #3

    Mar 19, 2007, 06:31 PM
    Hello Mainevent,

    First off, I want to say that I am so very deeply sorry for your loss. A best friend is a best friend. It doesn't matter whether they're local, long distance, online, whatever. That connection doesn't happen often and it's really difficult when it's gone.

    I feel like you deserve the respect of my complete honesty here. You went through a terrible tragedy and it has been very hard for you. There is a time to grieve and there is a time to "move on," but that pain never really leaves and dates like anniversaries of that loss will most often always be difficult. Perhaps less difficult with time, but nevertheless, you remember.

    The reaction that your girlfriend has had is not only disrespectful in my opinion, but is also completely insensitive. I can only imagine that had her best friend died, she would have been severely upset with you if you treated her the same way she is treating you. It is NOT acceptable! A girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse is to be a support when you need them the most. If she is not supportive of you during such a horrific tragedy as this, than when would she be? What is the point of having her in your life if she does not care about something that was so important to you as your best friend's passing? It does not make sense.

    If I were you, I would really do some soul searching and re-evaluation of what you want and/or need in your life. Everyone deserves to be with that someone who understands them and helps them overcome rough patches in life. Perhaps you just need to take some time alone, and surround yourself with friends or family that truly support you and want the best for you. This is obviously not the case with your girlfriend.

    As a side note: Have you asked your girlfriend why she is behaving this way regarding what you've been through? Was there some sort of jealousy between your girlfriend and best friend that would cause her to act this way? That's the only logical reason I could possibly think of for such terrible insensitivity. Just some food for thought.

    I really hope this helps you, and I pray that your heart heals from the loss of such a strong figure in your life.
    shygrneyzs's Avatar
    shygrneyzs Posts: 5,017, Reputation: 936
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    #4

    Mar 19, 2007, 06:39 PM
    Maybe your girlfriend feels jealous or displaced in your affection because of your best friend being a female. That still is no excuse for her rudeness or uncaring. She should be supportive of you when you want to talk and understand that the anniversary of your best friend is significant to you. We all grieve differently and for different lengths of time. You will always miss your friend. Your friend will always be a part of your life.

    Have you thought of trying to do something concrete in her memory? For example, the Mother of one of my classmates who died in a car crash purchased some tools that the high school shop had needed - her son aspired to be a mechanic; one of my friends planted a flower garden close to the cemetery in her daughter's memory; when my Father died, my brothers and I made a contribution to his favorite children's charity; when a fellow college student died in a car crash going home for Easter break, we all pitched in what we could and purchased books for the nursing library (she was a nursing major). You get the idea. Does not have to be money - you can write a poem or a song for her. She lives on in your heart. Your girlfriend needs to come to terms with that. If she cannot, then let her go. Someone with that little compassion is not worth trying to figure out.

    Best of everything to you.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646
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    #5

    Mar 19, 2007, 06:58 PM
    I moved your post to relationships where it will be seen by more people and get better answers, this is where it belongs.
    lalalalaLAUREN's Avatar
    lalalalaLAUREN Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Mar 20, 2007, 01:12 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Mainevent
    My best friend Died 2 years ago today and my GF just donít understand. She was my best this is really confusing and I hope you can understand this all my best friend died two years ago in trouble car accident and well the thing is I never met her. I know that sounds messed up but itís the truth. This girl was my best friend she was the one who understood me the one I could tell everything to and just talk on the phone or online or what ever. Then she was driving up here form New Brunswick Canada and she hit buy transport head on in her car. I was at my home and my step mom knocks on my door and said we need to talk and at that moment my life came crashing down. My mom told my gf that she died and she came in my place and just said why you crying didnít hug me didnít nothing just said why you crying and when anniversary of her death comes up my gf become very closed off and is rude when I am upset about it.
    Your girlfriend should should respect that you really liked this person and want to say a pray&cry on the day that she past away, you two need to talk about why your GF just doe'nt like you crying about this girl that died two years ago
    tinsign's Avatar
    tinsign Posts: 275, Reputation: 66
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    #7

    Mar 20, 2007, 01:22 PM
    Awwwwwww here a hug ((hug)) I know what that's like I lost my friend 1 year ago easter.. but in a weird way it shows you that maybe your girlfriend is not the person for you she is not very supportive is she?
    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
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    #8

    Mar 20, 2007, 01:42 PM
    Don't waste your time trying to make your GF understand your feelings, more than likely she never will. That's okay. She just needs to accept it, and as long as she's not breaking up with you over it, she is accepting it. You are entitled to feel sad for the loss of your friend, period. No one can tell you otherwise. But, you should also try and find a way to let her go. I know it may be hard to accept her loss, you feel very sad and sometimes lonely, but you need to work on changing your attitude about her. Know that you were lucky enough to have her for whatever time you did, and that you enjoyed all of your conversations whether online or whatever. Appreciate that, many people have never had that. Then, show your current GF how much you appreciate her and having her by your side. When she see's that she has no reason to compete with a dead girl, she won't feel so threatened by your memories of your friend.

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