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pardawg45 · Mar 4, 2013, 10:24 AM

Ok, here is the deal. I was dating this girl, we dated for about four months before her job forced her to leave the city. We still talk on a regular basis (texts everyday and calls 2-4 times a week), every time we talk we end up going on for 20 minutes or so and make each other laugh and it is always a good time. We tell each other we miss each other and want to see each other. However, she works a lot of hours and does not have much free time where she is (seriously, she works 80 hours a week... ) We are really good when we are together, I just don't know if we will ever be in the same city again. I have offered to visit, and she is receptive, but at the same time she doesn't want me to visit and only see each other for a few hours, so, we are waiting until she gets a full day off. I really miss this girl, but I don't know if I should wait for her. It sucks because we are SO good together. She has told me that she regrets movings and that she wishes she still lived where I am. I know I should probably just be patient, but I don't know how long I can be... Is there a sign I should look for? How will I know if it is meant to be or not?

LittleBlackKat · Mar 4, 2013, 09:50 PM

A sign? Probably not in the way you're looking for one and thinking of one. Do not confuse real-life situations with sappy romance movies (although they are a fun way to pass the time for some people). In the real world, people don't really come flocking to your door for love and romance.

I'd say if you honestly in the bottom of your heart know and feel that this girl is SO good for you, and that you're SO good together, then wait. Nothing in life comes easy, my friend. Ever heard of all good things come to those who wait?

In the end, the choice is yours. But logic says to me that if you have already dedicated a lot of time and effort as well as emotion to this woman and if it is returned in equal amounts, why let that go?

Hope this helped.

ArmstrongMiller · Mar 4, 2013, 11:53 PM

Go for her.

pardawg45 · Mar 5, 2013, 08:12 AM

Thank you, I guess I just have to be patient (which is no easy feat for me). She lives about 3.5 hours away driving, and I have thought about going unannounced, which I think she would like... but she may be busy that night... I just don't know. I want to go for her, but we have talked about it, she just simply does not have the time for me right now, but still she wants to talk/see me. I hate to blow up what we could have just because the timing is not right, but at the same time, I don't want to sit around and wait on something that will never work out. This is just the worst possible scenario for me right now as there is no clear answer, I was hoping someone could tell me a sign I could look for...

smkanand · Mar 5, 2013, 09:44 AM

This has happened with me, my BF left to other city for studies and work. We still remain together for next 3 years, we never broke up but he stopped talking. So if you guys still have something more left, either she will come to see you or you will pop up in front of her window. If you feel like to visit her, express your true feelings, everything will be clear.

pardawg45 · Mar 5, 2013, 10:46 AM

The best thing going for us right now, is the fact that I have a business trip to her city in a few weeks. This will be a low pressure setting for us to see each other again. We did officially break up before she left, which was something that needed to happen. Obviously, if you care about someone and legitimately know you won't have enough time for them, it would be selfish to stay together (I give her a lot of credit for this). We left it with no expectations on each other, that we would call or text when we want and to not expect responses every time. If we had stayed together, I would have already gone to visit, because I would almost feel obligated, and we both would feel obligated to call and text everyday.

talaniman · Mar 6, 2013, 02:42 PM

Enjoy your text buddy and occasional visits, since being together is not a priority. This could go on forever though.

pardawg45 · Mar 9, 2013, 08:32 AM

talaniman, I have seen your advice on here and I was wondering if you could give me an opinion on this, her and I talked on Sunday and she was rather sad and since she has not answered many texts or any phone calls... I am guessing she is pulling away because it is too hard, should I let her go?

talaniman · Mar 9, 2013, 09:35 AM

Why can't she be a sometime text buddy and friend with no strings attached and no romantic notions while you enjoy your own life, and follow your own opportunities to explore and experiment with love and romance?

She has no time for what you want any way. So basically leave her alone. That's what I would do. Give her all the space she can handle.

smkanand · Mar 9, 2013, 10:10 AM

I think you puzzled about her. Keep aside all technical issues of job and other stuff, think carefully about yourself and the girl. Is she the one you see as your future? If you think she has the potential and you have the ability to fulfil her expectation, then go ahead. If not, in any case you guys still be good friends.

pardawg45 · Mar 10, 2013, 09:20 AM

I have just not been able to separate myself from her, I am still attached and I know that is a problem, normally when I break up with someone, I go for a period without talking to them at all... and I don't ever try to be friends afterward (I generally have enough girls who are friends that I don't need someone I dating in the mix). You are right, she just does not have time for me right now, and even if I thought she was the one for me, it is impossible right now. I am not mad at her, but at the same time she has not stopped talking to me even for a day and I know the reason for this. (We have a long complicated history and had a period of two years where she cut me completely out of her life, although we were friends/dated a short time a long time ago) I need to give her space...

talaniman · Mar 10, 2013, 11:50 AM

No you need to make a pace for yourself that doesn't include her. If you weren't afraid to you would have done it already but you still make yourself available to her contact.

Don't answer, disappear, and be unavailable.

pardawg45 · Mar 10, 2013, 06:36 PM

I just don't want to stop any chance of us being together in the future... but you are right, I need to protect myself and allow myself to move on... I was just hoping that the breakup wouldn't last...