[N0223C]

My friends and I get along well it seems, but we are in a constant silent competition. Someone always has to be better at anything we do. We don't play sports or anything, mainly just online games.

It's getting to the point where we feel worthless if we aren't the best or among the best. It also causes a lot of friend related drama. I've learned to see through my friends lies and even the things they say. So I have to hold myself back from calling them on it, or pointing out their false accusations and causing an argument.

Don't say 'find new friends' because I go to a small school, and even there we have our own group of outsiders. It's not easy to fit in once you've been out for so long.

So my question is: Is there any way to stop this ongoing competition?

[kp2171]

Well... you can't control how others act... and if you choose to be friends with them, you really can't make too much noise about their actions if you are not willing to call them on it.

So you need to either step up and tell them how you feel or you need to bite your tongue most of the time and recognize the friendships for what they are... flawed and limited. And sometimes that is enough.

I have friends I trust dearly. I have friends that I just hang with from time to time. One guy I really don't like all that much in terms of his actions and attitude... but I'm more than happy to drink a beer and throw darts now and then. I know my boundaries and I don't try to control him. If he gets WAY out of line I might call him on it. Otherwise, its my choice to be there.

In college I was friends with a lot of people. There were only probably 3-4 guys I fundamentally was great friends with. The others were fine to hang with, but had "problems" that I didn't care for. Again... you just got to let the noise slide right by most of the time if you want to be friends.

So... most likely you just need to back off mentally. So someone is better than someone else. And maybe they talk noise about it. Think that's going to mean a damn thing in 10 years? Nope.

So... I know it drives you mad... but take your friends for what they are. Maybe a little immature. Maybe still figuring out how they should relate to others. Some people in their 40's are still the same way.

Wish I had an answer that had them doing more of the load. Afraid you are going to have to bear most of it, pick your battles when its worth it, and otherwise just know you are in a better place mentally. Or you'll have to step away from them.

[nindzha]

This is something that u need to think about, it is all up to you what u ll do, be without them and live "peacfully" or stay with them and bear with them. It is only your choice with two options.

[Nervous_Nellie]

Maybe bow out of a few of the competitive activities and instead join the group for non-competitive things like movies, eating out, going to sporting events. I know how hard this can be... it seems like it's a constant contest to be the best, coolest, or most liked friend.

Ultimately, you have to ask yourself how important these people are to you, and gage your plans accordingly.

Maybe even allow a budgeted amount of time to give them, and when it's up, refocus on things you like to do, your family, or other activities independent of the group.

Good luck!