[F586389]

It's about my ex-boyfriend. We were friends for a long time before we started dating. He was my best friend. The most loving, sweet person I've ever met, but then he started using drugs and going to parties very often with his friends from college. He stopped giving me attention and broke my heart. So, after more than a year on this relationship, I broke up with him. He agreed that it didn't really work for us anymore. We said we would still be friends, and it was a sincere decision (I know I'll always love him, even if he's just my good friend).

So we kept talking but only by sending short messages ( where he always said he was fine, that everything was perfect, but as I found out later by him, that wasn't true. He had some personal problems that time and he didn't want to show me). Also, after some months, I found out that he started going out with a girl (He's never been the type of guy who stays single for a long time. Once he told me that he doesn't like to be alone and I don't know if this means something, but that's how he is). I moved on too, but I'm not on a serious relationship with anyone.

Some months later, he finally called me again, told me he's not into drugs anymore and started being sweet again, like before, showing he remembered all the things that are important to me, asking about my family and all. I know he's still going out with the girl but he never mentions her, really, not even a word, so I don't know if he feels something for her.
We are living far from each other, colleges in different cities, and like when we were together, he's asking me to visit him, talks about the idea of me studying closer and he also says he wants to come here. I don't know if I should go, so I said to him that I need time to decide what to do. If I see him again, I'm 90% sure that we won't stick as 'just friends', it will become a relationship again, or I'm afraid it all could be over because I don't know if I can feel emotionally safe.. ( he already broke my heart by ignoring me for his friends when we dated before).

PS: Although he's being sweet to me most of the time, sometimes he acts like he used to, before we broke up, ignoring some messages (answering after days) and, most recently, I think he's hiding his problems from me again, saying it's all OK, when it's not. That makes me really sad and afraid that maybe he's again into drugs. ( I don't know if I'm just paranoid, or what, but there's a chance.. ).

So, any advices? And most important: Do you think I should visit him already?

[Homegirl 50]

First of all he has a girl friend so why is he asking you to come there?
Do go back to that. Use your head, not your heart.

[talaniman]

Stop this pretexts with being friends as a way to keep him in your life, that's not a healthy thing to do. Forget the visits, you will get hurt, and you will be confused as long as you have any contact with him. And get real with yourself. You say you have moved on but have actually just settled for the way things are, and waiting for a chance that he changes his mind. That's false hope, so get a life without him period.

Cut the contact and resist totally to being made the chick on the side, or the friend with benefits, OR the one he can cheat on his new female with. All of these degrade you and this supposed friendship, because he can only be a false friend, and hurt you if YOU ALLOW IT.

Wake up.

[F586389]

He knows he would have to break up with her for me to go visit him. Cheating is not an option. But I have to give him an answer, and I still don't know what to do because of the drugs, and the way he hides all of his problems from me.

[Homegirl 50]

Sounds like things have not changed. Why you contemplating going there again?

[talaniman]

He knows he would have to break up with her for me to go visit him. Cheating is not an option. But I have to give him an answer, and I still don't know what to do because of the drugs, and the way he hides all of his problems from me.

Its called NO CONTACT, and that's what you should do.