[lilymunster_01]

I am in love with my boyfriend who is my polar opposite as far as sex drive goes. We are both in our 20s and seniors in college. My sex drive is average if not HIGH and his is low. He's voiced several times he never felt like sex was that important to a relationship but I am his first real relationship.Because he thinks sex is so intimate and should be done within a relationship, he has never had it before.

I feel like there are many parts to this "problem", and him being a virgin and having a low sex-drive are somewhat separate. The sex drive was ALWAYS low but I have to note, taking Zoloft has made it non-existent - I know that's a potential SSRI side effect and sympathize. Communication is huge to me and we've talked about this but come to no real conclusions. I know the virginity is more than just wanting to be in a secure relationship like he initially said, because he recently admitted that going to Church made him wonder about staying a virgin and I feel like there are things from his childhood that I might not know.

Excuse all of the rambling and jumping all over the place. Even though my sex drive is high and I very badly desire him, I think the biggest problem is not feeling desired or like I am being treated as a beautiful/sexy woman like I usually am by a lover. Also that I have no clue if he will lose his virginity to me someday or not. It would almost be easier if he stated he wanted to wait until marriage because at least then I would know and not be left wondering. Sex isn't what our relationship is all about, but I think sexuality is an important part to a relationship and it pains me not to be able to share that with someone I love and desire. I need to ask even more questions, but do not want him to feel like I'm pushing him into sex or attacking him - I just want to understand.

How do you think I should discuss this further? Any ideas? Thank you so much!

[Oliver2011]

It could be that he is struggling with his sexuality. I say that because I was the same way when I first started a relationship. It could be a battle he is fighting in his head. One that he doesn't want to admit due to his religious beliefs. And it could be other things as well.

[Wondergirl]

Is he affectionate, cuddly, romantic?

[smoothy]

People don't ALL have high sex drives... and might have low drives without having medical issues.

If he doesn't have it now... he's not going to get it later either...

Consider this a major incompatibility beyond both of your abilities to change.

[dontknownuthin]

I think there's more to this that he's not telling you. If it were a moral decision on his part to remain a virgin until marriage, I would think he would just come out and say it to you. Other reasons could be questioning of his sexual preference, which I think is a strong possibility. Or he could have a medical issue that he's embarrassed to discuss with you.

In any event, if you can't get him to communicate with you about exactly what's going on, I think you need to break up with him. It's certainly acceptable to choose not to have sex, but to refuse to be candid and honest with you about his reasons is a huge red flag. Know, too, that even if you know the reason, it probably won't change.

[JudyKayTee]

If you can't talk to him about this honestly and frankly without making accusations or demeaning him I think the relationship has no chance.

What happens when some other problem comes along?