[hanna20]

I have been engaged for almost three years now. My fiancé studies abroad so I only see him five to six months a year. During one of his absence I met someone.
They knew my situation but they decided to tell me that they liked me anyway. I was feeling venerable and decided to go for it, "this can't hurt" I thought.
Things started to get serious and I began to develop strong feelings to this new guy, and so as he.
We began imagining our lives together, even though deep down we knew it couldn’t happen.
My fiancé came back now, and I have ended the "affair" when I knew that he'll be back. It was devastating and I didn't feel like myself when my fiancé came back. I tried to be loving and flirty but I just couldn't. Every time he touched me I start to think about the "ex" and how I wish it was him.

My questions:

Did I really fall in love with the new guy?

Did I fall out of love from my fiancé ?

Should I end it with my fiancé because of what I did to him?

Can I go back and be my old self with my fiancé after this? Or did I ruin everything and now I can't be in love again?

For those who will judge me, I never thought I'd be in this situation and I never understood how people can be in this situation. I guess you'll never understand until it happens to you.

So please, I'm here for guidance and advice, not judgment.

Thank you.

[Cat1864]

Hanna20 (1 Posts) Asked Today, 05:14 AM — 55 Views

I have been engaged for almost three years now. My fiancé studies abroad so I only see him five to six months a year. During one of his absence I met someone.
They knew my situation but they decided to tell me that they liked me anyway. I was feeling venerable and decided to go for it, "this can't hurt" I thought.
Things started to get serious and I began to develop strong feelings to this new guy, and so as he.
We began imagining our lives together, even though deep down we knew it couldn’t happen.
My fiancé came back now, and I have ended the "affair" when I knew that he'll be back. It was devastating and I didn't feel like myself when my fiancé came back. I tried to be loving and flirty but I just couldn't. Every time he touched me I start to think about the "ex" and how I wish it was him.

My questions:

Did I really fall in love with the new guy?

Did I fall out of love from my fiancé ?

Should I end it with my fiancé because of what I did to him?

Can I go back and be my old self with my fiancé after this? Or did I ruin everything and now I can't be in love again?

For those who will judge me, I never thought I'd be in this situation and I never understood how people can be in this situation. I guess you'll never understand until it happens to you.

So please, I'm here for guidance and advice, not judgment.

Thank you.

Be honest with yourself. You are not ready for a committed relationship especially marriage.

You fell out of love with your fiancé long before you cheated. If you loved him or were committed to your relationship, then you would have had a very different reaction to the thought of "this can't hurt." That thought would have been followed by a list of people including your fiancé who would be devastated by your cheating.

You don't seem to have been as vulnerable as you were bored. You weren't getting what you wanted from your relationship so you found someone to play 'Make Believe' with you. Not only were you sharing fantasies, but you were living in one.

You should break off your engagement. You can be completely or partially truthful with him. It wouldn't be a lie to say that your feelings have changed.

If you choose to stay with your fiancé, tell him the truth. Better he should hear it from you than from anyone else and he deserves to make decisions for his future based on the facts.

You cannot go back. You aren't the same person you were three years ago or even one year ago. All you can do is be honest with yourself, with your fiancé, and move forward.

My personal thought on what you should do is that you should end the engagement and get your life back on track. Figure out what you want in your life. When you think through what happened, don't shy away from your responsibility by using phrases such as 'I was vulnerable.' 'Vulnerability' is not an excuse for lying to someone you supposedly love and want to spend your life with. Do not try to turn yourself into a victim.

I noticed you left something very telling out of your post, what you were saying or letting your fiancé believe while you were involved with the other man.

And no, I am not judging you. I don't have to. You are and will be judging yourself.