[godofthunder837]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 2 and half years. And for most part things have been very good and we do love each other. But she has an ex-husband... well husband as she has not gotten a divorce from him yet. The reason is he was in jail for a while for looking at child porn. Well unlike most woman she wanted to stay by his side for this and not cut all ties. Reason is she has 3 kids... twins from a first boyfriend a while back and a son with her hubby and well all 3 consider him their dad.

Well he just got out of jail again after getting put back in for obstruction of justice and the month's leading put to this we started to drift apart. Much of this due to my anxiety about this situation. Well he got out yesterday and or next few months she is going to be really sticking around him to make sure he doesn't mess up again. Probably wondering why this is a big deal... well he doesn't know we been dating for this long... he thinks I was just some fling while he was in before he got put back in. So he thinks I am out of the picture.

She tells me constantly that nothing will happen. She said she was not happy with him when they were together and only reason he married her was because of fact she would stand by him at the start. She loved him but only in a physical way but with me it is both physical and emotional.

I guess I just don't know how to handle this. I mean she tells me she is going to tell him about us and is not going to do anythign with him physical but hard to look past the past. I mean was with him on and off for 13 years and been married. She was going to divorce him but pulled out of it due to fact I guess courts were going to pull his parental rights form son since no reason for her hubby to be around him if not together.

I just don't know what to do at this point. I do love her and see a future with her and I feel like she does as well. But I am not sure if she also sees a future with him by reconciling. Make the situation worse is she wants to do what's best for her son and can see her going back for that reason alone. I mean her kids like me too but I am not there dad. I don't know what to do... I know if I stress too much this will make her leave if for nothing else to stop hurting me but if I just sit here I may be sitting myself up for a big fall. Wouldn't be so hard if I wasn't in love with her. I know she loves me but loves him too. She says it is not a romantic love but best friend/big bro-little sis love(I know kind of weird on that point).

Also since June me and her have lost a lot of the physical intamcy we once had. She says may be due to minapause and that it is not just me but she just isn't turned on by much of anything at this point.

I am just really stressed out and have tons of anxiety. Not sure how to fix this. Only see a long bumpy road... 1)I stay and keep pushing forward and all works out in the end after she finally tells him about us(best case), 2)I stay an dkeep pushing forward just to be blind sided by her telling me she is going back to hime, 3)I keep on track and she breaks up with me because she hates to see me feel sad and angry, 4)Son asks her to give dad another chance and for her son she does, 5)Or I end things... but would be doing this with heavy heart and may be giving up on something really special. Not a lot of best case scenarios here.

[fredg]

I would be looking for someone else to love. I have been divorced after my first 7 yrs of marriage, then remarried for 30 years... am now a widower at 71 yrs old. My first marriage was up-and-down for years, before it ended.
I think you are in for a whole lot of heartaches if you stick this out. She doesn't want a divorce, or already would have one, I think. I also think you are taking on a lot, more than the average person who gets married. Today, less than half the marriages in the US actually make it... over half get divorced. You are already in a "problem" relationship. I do wish you the best, and really think you should meet some new people and get over this.

[Homegirl 50]

You need to leave this woman alone. She has a husband and a lot of issues. That fact that she has been lying about you to him speaks volumes.
Leave her alone before you get hurt more.