[Myoneandonly]

Married 20 years with 2 children. When we first met I was crazy a out him & visa versa I felt. After out 1st child was born he was headstrong into being a good provider. 2 yrs later our second was born and he was so busy with work he didn't have time to accompany me at the birth. As the years went by he became more & more successful in his businesses. Always saying we'll have enough to be able to retire by 40 or 45. So I waited. Well 2 1/2 years ago we were there. Set financially and ready to relax and enjoy our family then 13 & 11. He had gotten so accustomed to hanging with his "business connections" all the time that all his new found free time was spent with them. Golfing, traveling, etc. long story short... I left him! That was 2 years ago. My heart had been broken too many times I left him so I didn't end up hating him. The day I left, he followed me & the kids vowed he was an idiot and would be a changed man. I did not go back to him for 9 months. Through much marriage & individual counseling the past 2 yrs we are up to present day. My husband has truly become a completely different person. No wavering, truly changed. As hard as I try I am still no longer in love with him. My hearts desire is for my family to stay together & everyone be happy & content. My problem is I do not love him, we can hang out, go places, cook, enjoy our kids now 16 & 14 but when it comes to him touching me, kissing, or sex. OMG, it totally grosses me out! I think I could probBly jave sex with anyone besides hin T this point. We did have sex a few times and each fine I found myself in the bathroom crying afterwards. It was so disgusting. Idk. I'm at a loss. Should I let him go so someone can really love him & appreciate the person he has become? It's been 2 yrs. I just want to be happy. So sick of this.

[backpack2389]

On the one hand, I am inclined to believe you are unfair in stringing him along when he's made the effort to do a 180 and make you and your kids happy. He clearly wants to be with his family enough to change himself entirely. He is giving you 110% and it's not right for you to only give part of your love. If you think there is absolutely no chance of you ever feeling anything for him again, then it's not right for you to lead him to believe you love him.

However, if you do have feelings for him and think there is a possibility of rekindling them, it would be worth the effort, if only for you children, to give it a try. Regarding the sex, how do you feel towards him emotionally? Do you feel affection and warmth or do you have lingering resentment? Before hopping into bed again, you should try to spend time together that doesn't involve any physical intimacy. Try reaquainting yourselves with each other. Maybe go on a vacation, just the two of you and make a serious attempt to reconnect. If one last ditch effort does not result in any progress, then I think you've tried and to be fair to him, you ought to let him find someone that will want him wholeheartedly.