[bc420]

Ten years. TEN ing years. We had been through soooooo much together. We had bought and lost a house, cars, the works. We had been homeless, addicted to pills, and all screwed up. We had tons of money, we had no money. But we had gone through it all together and finally made it through.

We were sober, working, and had just moved into a new place after living in hotels, people's couches, etc. Things were finally starting to get better and it was to be our ten year anniversary that year.

One day I guess I just noticed him acting weird. Distant... different...

I had a gut feeling, and I checked his phone. Sure enough, he was talking to some girl from his work.

We had always been best friends and so close, even before we got ed up on drugs. We had a lot in common and loved being together. Suddenly he started acting like he didn't even want to be around me.

Fast forward... he finally admits to cheating, though he says he only kissed her (found out later that was a lie).

A month and a half later, he moves out while I am at the movies! Total move. But by this point, I didn't know who the hell this new, uncaring was. He was a jerk, and whatever. I picked myself up, got a roommate, and tried to get my life together.

About a month later, I could tell that the chick he cheated on me with was losing her allure, as I knew she would. He missed me, he couldn't believe how he treated me, he was so sorry, and could we maybe hang out.

Yeah, I did hang out with him. I missed him, I still loved him, and I missed spending time with him... despite how badly he hurt me, I still thought of him as a good person and my best friend.

We hung out that time, it was great, and we started hanging out more... even though I knew he was still hanging out with that homewrecking slut.

A month later, he told me she was pregnant. No ing way is it yours, I said.

Because here is the thing. For the ten years we were together, I had never been on birth control and had never gotten pregnant. He had never used contraception with any of his girlfriends, even in high school, and none had ever gotten pregnant. Also, male infertility runs deep in his family. His brother had to go through massive amounts of fertility treatments to have a baby. The timing and how far along she claimed to be were off. Logically, this could not be his baby.

He wanted a baby, but "this is supposed to be us" is what he said. He doesn't want a kid with this mistake. He does not love her like he loved me,ever.

He stayed with her the whole pregnancy, and we decides during that that we wanted to get back together. Well, I decided. He had wanted it for awhile, but I realized I did, too, even with this whole baby thing.

Just got real last week. On January 31st, she had the baby. And the named her the ONE name I had ever wanted if I ever had a daughter. So that was nice.

Well, he immediately did a DNA test. Those results are coming via FedEx tomorrow.

I am FREAKING. OUT. I told him I would stand by him if the baby is his, but I am so ing scared and nervous that by some crazy way, it will be his... though logistics say otherwise.

I am going to be so sad if it is. I will love the hell out of that baby if it is his. It is not the baby's fault this happened, and I have wanted kids forever. But nit this way, obviously.

I have been waiting for this for what seems like forever, and I want to know.But I am petrified.

What if it is and I decide I don't want to be with him after all? I don't see that happening because it took a lit of thinking and evaluating to decide to get back with him.

But I am sooooo scared. It will hurt immensely if it is his kid.

[joypulv]

'What if it is and I decide I don't want to be with him after all?'

I have a feeling you aren't looking for an answer from us... just a sounding board while you wait a few more hours.

You both sound like good people who have been through a lot. What more I can say, I don't know. If the baby is his, he or she will have an extra person to be loved by (you).

You may find yourself making the big decision further on down the line, depending on how he acts. He might get involved more in the woman's life in order to be around the child.

But I'm going to take a wild guess that it isn't his child. Let us know?

[bc420]

I don't think it's his, I really don't. Nobody does. The baby, as cute as she is, doesn't look like him, either. But I'm scared to feel too sure and have it be his and get the wind knocked out of me. I mean, I never in a zillion years saw this happening ever. But we were coming off 5+ years of pill addiction, I think his brain was all messed up. Mine sure was, but in different ways. I've forgiven him, but I am totally nervous about this freaking paternity test.

I'm scared of how I'm going to react if it is his. I've been through a lot with all of this, but I might be at maximum capacity. This will hurt tremendously. Like, an insane amount of hurt. I don't want to be hurt anymore.

But I mean, I do want opinions on this. But you're right, this is kind of a sounding board. I can't sleep, I have to work tomorrow, I'm anxious beyond belief, and I am scared. So is he. He wants to be rid of this girl, but he would never walk out on a baby, and I would have no respect for him if he did and couldn't be with him, anyway. I just sooooo want it not to be his and for us to be able to move on and start with a clean, new slate. I've never wanted anything so badly in my life.

Ugh. This anxiety is the worst. I'm hoping that the anticipation and anxiety will be the worst part of this whole thing and the results will come back that he's not the father and my life can go back to being less Maury Povich meets Jerry Springer.

[joypulv]

Let's say it isn't his. Get some sleep (it's 7 am where I am) and plan on getting married and adopting or getting pregnant with someone else's sperm, or even his if you can afford to pay for the tests and the petri dish. It sounds like each of you wants a child.

[Fr_Chuck]

Babies don't look like parents often, my son Charlie, is adopted, but everyone always said, he looked just like me, people who don't know can't believe he is adopted.

Only DNA will tell.

The issue is, your decission what to do, should have nothing to do about if he is the father or not, That is not even a real issue about you and him. He cheated, are you over that, he lied to you, are you over that.

You should do the same thing if it is his or not his.