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chowboi · Feb 4, 2013, 09:29 PM

I am a 27 year old bi and is falling in love with my co-worker who is 36 years old, has 2 kids and unfortunately married. I admire his gentleness to me and every time he speak, I love the tone of his voice. I am his boss and there's a time that we go out and eat and we always have a fantasy moment! Like, "I dont want this moment to be over". Lately, I believe I am being deeply in love with him. But on the same note, lately whenever I am asking him to go out he got some excuses that he can't make it. I would like to stop this but I'm having hard time to figure out how and where to start.

Oliver2011 · Feb 5, 2013, 06:14 AM

This is a bad move on so many levels. He's married and has kids so you need to realize he is off limits. Plus you are his boss. He could make a case against you if something bad happens.

Fill up your time with other activities. Go find someone else to date. Move on. Trust me from one gay guy to a bi guy it will be the best thing you can do for yourself emotionally and mentally.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 5, 2013, 08:02 AM

You are not some teen with raging hormones. This is a tacky thing to do and as Oliver2011 says, it is wrong on many levels.
Put on your mature man pants and stop this.

chowboi · Feb 5, 2013, 03:40 PM

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

This is a bad move on so many levels. He's married and has kids so you need to realize he is off limits. Plus you are his boss. He could make a case against you if something bad happens.

Fill up your time with other activities. Go find someone else to date. Move on. Trust me from one gay guy to a bi guy it will be the best thing you can do for yourself emotionally and mentally.

Thanks for the honest reply. I really do believe that this has to stop. Its just difficult because we work on same department. And I can't stop picking him up at home and from work. But thanks oliver!

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You are not some teen with raging hormones. This is a tacky thing to do and as Oliver2011 says, it is wrong on many levels.
Put on your mature man pants and stop this.

Bahahaha! I love that! I admit I could act like a teen regarding love. I fantasize that he might be gay and that he could leave his family for me. But I know deep in my core that its not gonnna happen.

Alty · Feb 5, 2013, 03:54 PM

Originally Posted by chowboi

Bahahaha! I love that! I admit i could act like a teen regarding love. I fantasize that he might be gay and that he could leave his family for me. But i know deep in my core that its not gonnna happen.

Would you really want it to happen? Think about it, it would destroy a family.

Fantasies are fine, but when they start to affect reality, it's time to get some help. You need to leave this alone. You're in charge of your own reactions, and what you do in life. So be professional with him, have a working relationship only, and find someone that is available to be with you, and wants to be with you.

dontknownuthin · Feb 5, 2013, 04:15 PM

You say "we" have these special moments - uhm, no. YOU are having these special dillusions and he is having moments of being creeped out that here he is, an older, straight, married man with children who is being hit on by his younger, male, bi BOSS. You are sexually harassing your employee!

He is turning down your attempts at seeing him outside of the office because he knows you are trying to turn them into dates. He is not gay. He is not attracted to you. He does not want to have dinner with you. He loves his wife and children. He has been nice to you because he's paid to be nice to you but he probably wants to punch your lights out for coming on to him.

Before you become the laughing stock of your office, or worse, get fired and sued for sexually harassing your employee, you better knock it off. Keep your love life separate from your work - completely separate. Period. Treat this employee as an employee and nothing more. Do not ask him to have lunch or dinner with you unless it's business related and other people are also going. Make no efforts to sit next to or across from him. You better be meticulous about treating him professionally and avoiding anything personal at all because you could already be in really scalding hot water.

Be aware that sexual harassment is largely based on two things - is the alleged harasser in a position of authority over the harassed indivual. Yes, you are his boss. Second, is the harasser making unwelcome sexual advances (defined by the perception of the harassed individual - do they take it as such). Again, yes, you are.

chowboi · Feb 5, 2013, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

You say "we" have these special moments - uhm, no. YOU are having these special dillusions and he is having moments of being creeped out that here he is, an older, straight, married man with children who is being hit on by his younger, male, bi BOSS. You are sexually harassing your employee!

He is turning down your attempts at seeing him outside of the office because he knows you are trying to turn them into dates. He is not gay. He is not attracted to you. He does not want to have dinner with you. He loves his wife and children. He has been nice to you because he's paid to be nice to you but he probably wants to punch your lights out for coming on to him.

Before you become the laughing stock of your office, or worse, get fired and sued for sexually harassing your employee, you better knock it off. Keep your love life separate from your work - completely separate. Period. Treat this employee as an employee and nothing more. Do not ask him to have lunch or dinner with you unless it's business related and other people are also going. Make no efforts to sit next to or across from him. You better be meticulous about treating him professionally and avoiding anything personal at all because you could already be in really scalding hot water.

Be aware that sexual harassment is largely based on two things - is the alleged harasser in a position of authority over the harassed indivual. Yes, you are his boss. Second, is the harasser making unwelcome sexual advances (defined by the perception of the harassed individual - do they take it as such). Again, yes, you are.

Wow.. Thank you for all the help. This is really helping. I know that its just me and that it will just destroy myself and my career plus it will going to embarrass myself if I didn't do anything...

Homegirl 50 · Feb 5, 2013, 05:00 PM

And it is destroying a family. Stop this.

Oliver2011 · Feb 6, 2013, 05:43 AM

So you have several responses all saying the same thing. You know what you should do. Question now is what will you do?

Also consider you really don't want to start a relationship this way. It doesn't matter if it is with this guy or another. Relationships that start with turmoil and stress often never leave turmoil and stress, only to end in turmoil and stress.

There are other ways to meet guys.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 6, 2013, 06:26 AM

Of course, he can always find another ride to work, just stop giving him rides to work, and move on with your life.

chowboi · Feb 6, 2013, 07:55 AM

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

So you have several responses all saying the same thing. You know what you should do. Question now is what will you do?

Also consider you really don't want to start a relationship this way. It doesn't matter if it is with this guy or another. Relationships that start with turmoil and stress often never leave turmoil and stress, only to end in turmoil and stress.

There are other ways to meet guys.

That's a good question oliver2011! Im starting not to text him since last night, tried to talk to him "only" if it is work related. And try not to talk to him as much as I can. Honestly its very difficult and hurting... But I guess this is for my benefit too.

Oliver2011 · Feb 6, 2013, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by chowboi

Thats a good question oliver2011! Im starting not to text him since last night, tried to talk to him "only" if it is work related. And try not to talk to him as much as i can. Honestly its very difficult and hurting... But i guess this is for my benefit too.

The hurt you are feeling now is nothing compared to the hurt you will feel if you follow through with it, he rejects you, and slaps you with a sexual harassment suit or something. It is for the best. If I was you I wouldn't text him at all.

Homegirl 50 · Feb 6, 2013, 08:19 AM

I agree with Oliver, you should not even be texting him. You're still flirting with trouble.

chowboi · Feb 6, 2013, 11:03 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I agree with Oliver, you should not even be texting him. You're still flirting with trouble.

I just don't understand too why is he telling me that him and his wife are always fighting too.. Any connecting reasons?

Homegirl 50 · Feb 7, 2013, 03:06 AM

Originally Posted by chowboi

I just dont understand too why is he telling me that him and his wife are always fighting too.. Any connecting reasons?

You may have peaked his interest or he could venting but he is a married man and your subordinate. You need to leave this alone. It is inappropriate and just wrong.

talaniman · Feb 7, 2013, 04:15 AM

Maybe you both need friends and its sad that you think that because of your own feelings its okay to cross a line and ruin any good a respectful friendship can bring. Bad enough you don't seem to have a social life of your own, and no chances for romance and fun, why ruin any semblence of friendship too?

chowboi · Feb 9, 2013, 10:21 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Maybe you both need friends and its sad that you think that because of your own feelings its okay to cross a line and ruin any good a respectful friendship can bring. Bad enough you don't seem to have a social life of your own, and no chances for romance and fun, why ruin any semblence of friendship too?

I ask him to go out and he said yes.. I can't stop this... :( I love him so much

Homegirl 50 · Feb 10, 2013, 08:52 AM

I think that is very sad and you are headed for trouble. Don't sat you can't stop this because you can, you just don't want to.. You are not a child and what you are doing is unethical as far as him working under you and just wrong that you have chosen to pursue this married man with children. I find that you don't care about either of these things troubling.

talaniman · Feb 10, 2013, 08:59 AM

You are the one opening a can of worms and assuming a straight married guy is going for you in a romantic way. You have love in your eyes and he may just want out of the house for a while.

Your love is intense, but selfish, and unhealthy, and may be inappropriate for a working relationship. Worst of all you seem so desperate and that's a sad thing for you both.

A perfect example of out of control, and dangerous.

J_9 · Feb 10, 2013, 09:05 AM

Not only do you not care what it will do to your job, but you don't care what this will do to his relationship or his children.

If this continues, you will effectively become a homewrecker. This is a man who has a wife AND children. With you leading him on like this you risk your job and he risks losing his family.

Don't you have any morals? This isn't any different than "the other woman" scenario aside from the fact that he is your subordinate and you are his superior. So, effectively you are risking not only your position in your employment, but you are risking his as well. When you risk his, you are risking putting food in the mouths of his children.

Not only what you are doing is unethical, it is immoral as well. Get a grip on your emotions and realize what damage you are doing to this man's family. His wife. His children.