[itsonlylife]

I was a single mother, raising my daughter on my own. I loved her SO much; and as any normal parent would do, put her needs, wants, and desires before my own. That never bothered me. I only wanted the best for her, and took joy in her.
I put her through a private college, and after living with me for a year to get some financial strength behind her, she went off on her own to work in another city 250 miles away. I drove her to this city 3 times to secure an apartment and I furnished it. I missed her, but realized she had her own life and had to cut the aprons strings. But, I had faith in how I raised her and knew she would be all right.
We kept in contact regularly, and I sent her money when she told me she needed it- until she met a man almost 20 years her senior. ( Yes, I know- looking for a father figure).
I wanted to meet him and it was refused for months. I was invited for Christmas and then, without any warning, argument or reason, I was uninvited. I was going to vacation on the ocean, very near to them, and invited them to come for a weekend. Refused. I wanted to visit my only child and was told I couldn't come because it was his apartment- only his parents could go.

Unfortunately, when she met this man, I somehow became the most horrible person on the planet. She moved in with him and her regard for me became beyond disrespectful. I have realized she told this man horrible stories about me to gain his sympathy - and his and his families money. I don't have as much money as they do; but I am respectful, educated and have social graces.
She would only call me when he wasn't around. When he was around, her language towards me was foul and assessments of me were more than belittling - too foul to write here. There was no provokation for it. It was as if it was a performance. I was baffled and confused and didn't know who she was talking to until I realized, yes, she was talking to me. I told her I would not accept that tone or verbal abuse from anyone and hung up. I never heard from her again.
I heard she married this man, with him and his 80 year old mother planning and paying for the wedding. I was not invited.
I have been told I should call her or make contact with her. I have to no avail. Being a single mother was not easy. But, I enjoyed her and loved her more than I could say. She knew that. I told her every day and showed her in so many ways. Now, without knowing why, I am hated and thrown out of her life. I just want to know why.
( No, I never used drugs; have a drink only at a birthday or holiday - maybe; and spent my entire retirement on her college. I was going to sell some antique jewelry I had to pay for her wedding - happily)

[pandora3333]

Itsonlylife: your story is so moving. Wow. My heart goes out to you. Ive been around the block a bit and I tend to think that possibly your daughter has gotten into some things that aren't the best for her. She may be just naively smitten with this guy who could be very controlling [obviously he is if he is behind you not even visiting for christmas.] Also she could possibly be in a lifestyle that she is not proud of . Shame can make us turn on the people we want to be the proudest of us. She may be doing something she is ashamed of and instead of confronting it [and you] with honesty ], she closes up or retalliates . Either way, its terrible. Sadly when this runs out, she will have so much guilt [if she doesn't already] and a lot of damage will be done. I would leave the door closed for now. As much as it hurts, you don't have any other choices. But Pray , Pray ,Pray. Not just for her, but for your own insight and understanding.
Who knows what the deal is, but answers do come. Since the relationship has changed have you had any reason to think she may have a substance abuse issue or maybe doing some less than admirable things for a living? I keep going back to the shame thing. Ive seen it so many times where someone just shuts the closest person to them out because of their own shame at the time..

[AtLarge]

Communication is always a challenge. Especially when a young adult is trying to estabish their independence. Setting specific expectations like call me once a week may not work. Does she text or do e-mail? Keep trying. Let her know you are there. Don't push too hard.