[navneet87]

I am 25 years old guy and in a relationship. I work as Software engineer in a leading IT company. I draw a descent 7 fig annual income. Me and my girl friend are in relationship since last 7 years. It started from college, we were class mates back then and is continuing now . She too works in an IT company and earns a good salary. We both are brahmins. I spoke about my relationship to my parents and was able to convince them about it. She was scared initially as she wanted to settle down. Now that she settled down, 2 years back she spoke about me to her parents. Her parents were furious for I do not know what reason. They were looking for proposals for her. I asked my parents to send them a letter with horoscope details provided. Her parents received the letter and they said first that guy is not nice(I had sent a photo as well). Then they took her to all astrologers and they all said in front of her that she would not be happy if she marries me there will be fights and lot of fights and you would end up in divorce.

I asked my parents to call her parents... My mom spoke to her mom and her mom spoke in a polite way that this relation would not work out because of horoscope and all the problems.

I feel her parents are too much concerned about her. Next time she went to home, she insisted again at that time there was a big fight in her home. They scolded her. She used to cry telling me all this over phone. I tried to support her. By now they made her see a guy however she refused just in time else they would have got her engaged.

My parents were OK with my relationship but they wanted a proper dialogue to happen. But since the pressure was mounting, I asked my parents to call again to tell that they are ready to come down to her place. It was difficult to convince my parents but managed it some how. They called her parents and her dad screamed on top of his voice to my dad. They disconnected the call. My parents later said they are not furious over it but until they don't intitate we moving ahead does not make sense.

A year passed by. And things went on happening this way.
Now her parents have said that she need not come home. They are not even calling her.

We both like each other. But because of these situations, things are not proper between us too...

One other reason for her parents to dislike is I am 6 months younger than her. They feel I may leave her and marry some one else.

Yesterday her parents are like.. We would get you married by 5 months.

I have tried speaking to her mom, Her mom says speak to her dad.
Her dad says do not ever call me. Else he would call police.


We like each other, I do not want to run away and marry.
My parents are like its better if her parents and them have a proper dialogue.

I have tried asking one of her relatives to speak to her parents about us. But her parents are in no mood to listen to anyone.

What should we do now.
She is very much determined, and so am I.
Its 6 years of true love and now entangled in horoscopic problems.

We do not want to ELOPE however want to convince our parents and marry.

I got the horoscope checked in temple and it matches.
However her parents say it does not.
My parents too got it checked. It matches

We believe that marriage is a union of 2 families. And hence it should happen with the concent of both families.. But one side is damn stuck..

[JudyKayTee]

If every attempt to get permission has met with failure and you want to marry this person you have no choice - it would appear - but to go away and marry.

Of course, you risk "losing" your family.

[Fr_Chuck]

You are not going to change their minds, You have to make a choice, either marry, or break up and let them arrange her with someone else.

Not really another choice.

[joypulv]

At least your parents are in favor of this marriage. She has already been disowned by her parents, or almost disowned. I think the honorable thing to do is marry her, invite her family, and if they won't attend, that is sad. Sometimes they change their minds when children are born. Is there a dowry expected that hasn't been mentioned, or some other formality?

Many of us on this site are not in parts of the world that have arranged marriages. You have a good relationship of 6 years, come from the same background, and both have good jobs. I don't see how astrologers can say that 6 months younger can possibly matter, or your birth dates either. But I don't believe in using astrology for marriage.

Other young couples have to face both families disapproving. The question is, what does SHE want to do? Can she forsake her family for now and possibly forever, possibly not?

[Wondergirl]

It sounds like she values her family more than a love relationship with you. That's why she is backing off. Like the others have said, if she is not willing to elope and marry you now, you must move ahead with your life and be open to some other woman coming into your life.

[navneet87]

She is confronting her family with all the pressure that is coming to her.
There is no dowry problem. All we want is that the marriage to be done peacefully.
On a broader scope we believe marriage is a bond between 2 families.
Hence trying that we should not elope and marry.

[Wondergirl]

She is confronting her family with all the pressure that is coming to her.
There is no dowry problem. All we want is that the marriage to be done peacefully.
On a broader scope we believe marriage is a bond between 2 families.
Hence trying that we should not elope and marry.

It doesn't sound like two families are going to willingly and happily unite in your case. Maybe once the first grandchild comes along, her father will change.

[JudyKayTee]

As I said, you've tried all avenues. If you believe marriage is between two FAMILIES, not between two PEOPLE, it is time to walk away because I don't see that that is going to happen.

[joypulv]

Doesn't the fact that the astrologers they used and the ones your family used don't agree tell you something? It tells me that astrologers manipulate the results to please whoever is paying them.