[Lost angel]

My boyfriend of 10 yrs who is also the father of my 5 yr old son, has gotten me pregnant again right when I was about to finally leave him. He has a drinking problem, and the worst part is that He can't hang once he has one too many and Always ruins the night. I can't even drink and have fun outside my home with him and it's not fair to me who can hang and wants to enjoy my youth as well. He also is addicted to weed and spends every dime on it instead of to his son, still, five years later. He can't keep a job, and really has no drive to go out and find one. He lives off his $150 weekly unemployment check at his moms house in a small room. He is at my house every night, which I too live back home with my mother since my son was 6 months old and I found out that he was cheating on me for a year with a 17 yr old girl in our building. I was heart broken, half dead, with postpartum depression trying to be OK for my new baby. I felt I needed him to make it in raising my baby because I was too weak, weak because of him. So I forgave him and let him back in slowly. He promised to get us back on our own again soon, but he lied. Why would he? He is chillin rent free with mommy. Plus he grubs money off me and my mother, for every little thing he needs. I have been such a sucker for him. It has been such a struggle for me and my son with this man boy. He treats me so bad. He is violent at times and is very verbally abusive to me especially in front of the baby, since he was born. I can't stop him once he gets started, it is traumatizing for all of us, even my whole family how he acts towards me. He has been very disrespectful to my parents and calls my sister a whore because she is a single mother with a dating life. He always, some how, manages to make up for all these bad things he does, by helping out around the house, being very kind for a week straight, taking our son to school every morning, being absolutely above and beyond amazing to me in bed, and how much he loves our son and my son is in love with him so badly, it hurts me to keep them apart. I'm not a bad person. I have such a big heart. And I Try to be the best mother I can be. I suffered a massive stroke 2 years before my son was born that left me blind on my right side of my vision. I am also slightly off with my stability and balance but I don't really let anyone know that.
It was a big blood clot in my leg that I got from birth control, stress and smoking. The clot went in my lung, to my heart and strait to my brain. I fell to my feet at work and nobody even helped me. I just blacked out for a minute, but once my vision came back, I only had a migraine. I managed to finish out my day at work even. As obsessed as I was with my boyfriend, I went home to snuggle with him and an aspirin instead of going to the hospital. If only I did, my vision would probably be a little better today. I passed my road vision test
For driving my son around but I do as least as possible. I let my boyfriend drive my car and take it home every night. He just put his crappy loud car way so he would'nt have to pay car insurance any more. Yet he does not chip in one dollar to pay for mine. When I ask him for help he tells me he doesn't need my car or me and that he won't help out with taking our son to school anymore if giving me some money is the case. This sounds like a man that does not love me or anyone else, not even his own self. But I feel he does most definitely love me at leave 50%. He has walked miles in tears last summer for me and after ten years I was almost flattered he was psycho over missing me. I don't know what to do! I am 3 months pregnant and I just found out he went behind my back and claimed our son on taxes after we made an agreement that I will finally claim him for the first time now that I'm done with school and finally working again for over a year. He owes me and my family so much, how dare he do this to us?! He says it's to get out of his mother's house and to get us an apartment, but that was for me to do finally. That bastard! I am done completely with this trader hoe. He betrayed me for the last time. He has no loyalty to anyone. Not even his family! Now here I am 3 months pregnant to do this on my own for the second time with no help from him and my mother is kicking me out! I don't want to give up my baby for adoption and I can't go threw an abortion again. My son knows of his soon to come sibling and how could I crush his dream of finally being a brother. Everybody knows because he told everybody. I am screwed. I don't know if I can make it with two. What if I get depressed again after birth, that will only make it harder. I don't know how so many woman have done this. I really wish I could have their strength and health. Pray for me. God is my only crutch right now.

[JudyKayTee]

I see a vent, not a question.

You need to consult with a Physician concerning your pregnancy, your home situation, your depression, your fears. You seem to think the World is against you. Why did your mother "kick you out"?

And one correction - he didn't "get you pregnant" unless he forced himself on you. I'm assuming you both participated in the sex act - ?