[MeganMoo13]

So, we both finished education this/last year and in fairness since now and last September we have been unemployed only like maybe 4 weeks altogether, him 6 weeks, we have both had two temporary jobs.

The last finished about 2-3 weeks ago and I admit I was super lazy for a week then started looking for jobs again, but I can't say anything about him being unemployed because I am the same but I've tried to do things, I helped my grandparents with things they need done, my dogs having pups in the next few days etc, I'm getting up not too late, just doing things to justify being unemployed.

But my problem is that he's doing so little, he gets up between 2pm and 4pm, plays drums, and then plays games, tlaks to me for a bit and goes to bed like 5am-7am (on the days we aren't together) and has made very little decisions for the future. And his attitude is becoming lazy too, we wanted to move out together within the next year but he's saved no money out of the 2 jobs we've had (one minimum wage but decent hours and one great wage full time). He has to give his parents £20 a week and £40 when he had the good job which in fairness I never had to do but he still has saved NOTHING, he actually owes his parents like £60 and me £15, which he'll just about be able to pay back with his job seekers money when it comes in. I saved a good wee bit for US moving out but recently I've decided I want to go back to college and do another Alevel then apply for uni for the following year as well.

Basically, call me sad, but my aim in like is to be a full time mum but I expect to work until then and I'm saving my money for that, for moving out etc and he's doing nothing. So either the money will go towards uni so my loan isn't as big, or for us sharing our life together, I KNOW he'll be upset if I tell him I won't move out anymore but I can't keep assuming he'll wise up and do something benifical, even if he doesn't have a job, he give himself things to do. Hi's dads actually offered to train him in painting and decorating then get a job in his business, I can't blame him for not wanting to do it cause its not him and his dad and him don't get along, but when there's no other options I guess I can only encourage him..

I just don't know what to do with him, I've asked him to get up slightly earlier just so he is doing more in a day, he says he will but never does, he's always tired because he stays up so late then wants to sleep for a bit when were together.. He goes to the shop for his mum with his friend most days but that's about it.

I can't help but think where is our relationship going to be, am I going to get what I want most in life with him.. I want to look after him but I would need him to do the same for me. Do I give him up until a certain time like when I would need to apply for uni, or do I just assume he's not going to bother?

We've been together a year, I love him to death and I'm not willing to throw away the relationship so easily, he's a good guy and deserves more than he gets but I'm also doing my best to be able to have what I want in life too, in the next 5 years I want to be married with a kid or 2, but I can't do that if I don't have a stable home for that to happen.. And I know, I'm positive he wants the same as me, but he's not putting effort into it happening.

I don't want to break up with him, its not enough of a reason now to throw away everything, but what can I say to him?

Please help :(

[JudyKayTee]

Tell him what you've told us.

[talaniman]

You say nothing to him about what you think is his laziness, because you seem to have your own plan of what you want that requires him.

Neither of you is on solid grounds individually, so no realistic plans can be made together. I think as a practical matter the far future is best left alone until the near future, NOW and tomorrow can come into fruition. He may well decide to further his own education or at least weigh his options and you need to do the same.

Don't move in until your goals and plans are the same, as you both need a better foundation to choose a path forward as individuals. That hasn't even presented itself and won't until career decisions are made, and they have NOT.

You have not decide on an action yet neither of you, let alone a plan. Just the hope of one. Don't mistake indecision for lazy, that may be a BIG mistake. Best wait until the college/uni mentality and life style is replaced by the reality of feeding yourselves on your own.

You better talk seriously though, without expressing what he is NOT doing. Because he is doing what he thinks he needs to for himself right now, and that's not what you want him to be doing, is it?

"Life throws tons of obstacles at couples, if you two are built for greatness, you conquer them together. If you two aren't meant for greatness together, you conquer them apart."

That's just the reality and goodintentions are meaningless.

[Homegirl 50]

Go on with your education plans, get your life together and allow him to get his together. You can still date and do that. Neither of you are in a position to live together.

[Wondergirl]

I agree with Homegirl 100%.