[shank005100]

I am 23 years old. I have had several relationships which were bitter and I was cheated by few and I have cheated on a few. I was suffering from paranoia in my past relationships and lost 3 years of my academic life because if it. I was under psychiatric treatments but never followed any medication courses consistently. At present I don't take any tablets. Somehow I managed to join a college and have one more year to complete my engineering degree. At present Iam in a relationship with a girl of my class. She was my best and closest friend and eventually we ended up as lovers. She loves me to the core and I am certain about it... and she is a very reserved, conservative girl who has not had any relationships before and very few friends. Though I know everything about her I am paranoid about her. I lie a loooot to her and have even cheated on her once.
I am not able to believe even a single word she says... I suspect her constantly 24*7. I keep asking her questions and for every answer she says I would require a promise. I ask questions about her intentions in the past and present and future... I would give her situations and ask her questions. For example... I would ask her whether she has regretted for loving me till now and she would reply no... I would not be able to believe it and ask promises . After two days I would ask the same questions to her. Adding to this I would note down that questions in my diary and maintain it. I treat her so badly... scold her with filthy n disgusting words and sometimes would hit her hard even. She has proved many of my doubts to be wrong with strong and solid evidence... but still I am not able to believe her. I have asked her to leave me several times but she refuses to do it and says that she loves me and wishes to be with me even if I keep torturing her.. another example... I would ask her whether she would leave me if there was geographical separation between us and she would say no and that too I would not be able to believe and would ask it again and again. Despite her love on me I feel that she is lying to me. Sometimes when a questions about her pops up my head I would lose my sanity and could never get convinced for whatever answers she give and would turn to be violent and accuse her for things she has never done. Sometimes if she is not accessible to me to ask my questions... I would go mad till I ask her.. I would not be able to do anything until then and would become depressed and violent and would lose my appetite. Hence I would note it down in my diary and now that diary bears 1000 questions. I keep asking them repeatedly without getting tired. I pity her a lot but I am not able to get over this attitude of mine. I love her a lot... I feel she is the best girl for me and she bears with all my tortures. Sometimes she would also lose her temper when I accuse her badly and call her a slut... but most of the time she convinces me though I would have hurt her and scolded her. I am ashamed of myself. These are the crucial moments of my life... final year of enginnering and I have many desires in my life. I am very good at academics and very brilliant(others have said).. but this attitude of mine is ruining my life. To be short I am simply not able to believe her. If I can't live with this girl I would not be able to live with any girlbin this world. Is this paranoia? or OCD or morbid jealousy? I am confused... this is ruining our lives and happiness... I have taken so many counselings but futile... what should I do. I tried self hypnosis, NLP but the problem is I am not able to do anything consistently because of this problem. Please advise me.I even suspect her virginity. Once v tried to have sex and I penetrated her half but was worried about the absence of blood and I told her this... the next day morning she called me and told she noticed some spots of blood and told that she is in pain and she is bleeding slightly and the next day she told me that she has got her periods but I feel that she is lying to me that she has got spots of blood becausei told her that I was worried about the absence of blood during intercouse... she has proved my suspicions on her to be wrong in issues which can be proved... but how can I believe that she is not lying about the spots of blood.. Every word of hers turns out to be a question... I suspect whether she has masturbated also.I am guilty for what I am doing but not able to control it. Please help me... I want to be happy and keep her happy.

[Oliver2011]

What you described is not a relationship. It is pain and suffering and I really feel sorry for both of you.

You need to be single for a period so that you can fix yourself. Nobody deserves to go through what she is going through and you don't need to put yourself through it either.

Figure out the trust issues. Figure out some relaxation exercises to calm yourself down. And frankly figure out the rest of it because there is a lot broken.