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JSagraves21 · Jan 21, 2013, 05:04 PM

Hey there. So, I'm 19 years old and there is this girl. Recently I've gone though this huge realization that she is everything I've ever wanted. We like the same things and we want the same things. It just feels good to be with her. So yea, I've known her my whole life, but she's two years younger than me and was three grades behind me. I always liked her and cared about her and she always felt the same, but until now, it seemed like the difference was too much.

In the past two months we started talking and hanging out again, a lot. We talked seriously a couple times and she had said things like, "I wish you told me this sooner," and that the nice things I said about her mean a lot to her. She even had said she loved me after I picked her up and took her away from her drunk parents.

The big thing about all of this though is that she's been in a relationship for over two years. He did a lot of wrong things like cheating on her at a party and talking to a lot of girls online, but she continues to stay with him because she says it wouldn't be fair to him. I'm trying to not make this too long, but honestly I think she's afraid to lose him because she's afraid of change and her life without him. To add more to the story, I found out he's enlisting in three or four months to try and become a Navy Seal. I've always thought about the future too much and have always struggled with waiting for things, but even though we're both really young, I'm just afraid I'll never have a chance to be with her and show her how I really feel. I feel like I think too much about things I shouldn't and about the future too much as well.

I have only dated maybe two or three girls my whole life and all I've ever wanted was someone I could take care of and treat right and have a family. I guess that could go with thinking about the future too much, but yea. There is a lot to more to this story about the girl, but I'm trying to keep it minimal. If there are any questions at all, I would be happy to provide more information. Any advice or feedback on the situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 21, 2013, 05:43 PM

She is dating someone so she is off limits to you. Period!
You seem like a nice young man who is looking for some one to love and love you back and take care of. I think you need to experience life and not worry about tying yourself down to someone right now. You might want to pull yourself away from her. There are other girls out there who are not with someone else

talaniman · Jan 21, 2013, 06:03 PM

He ain't the one guy because even though you have formed a strong attachment, until she decides for herself without your influence that you are a better guy than the one she had, you are destined to be in the friend zone.

For your own good,let goof the false hope and fantasy of a future with her,and deal with reality of friendhip. If you cannot separate the two, then spend a lot less time with her, and seek out others that you enoy, both males and females.

Never get stuck on someone that has given their heart to another. NEVER.

JSagraves21 · Jan 21, 2013, 07:08 PM

I would never do anything with her knowing she is in a relationship. I want to distance myself, but I'm afraid of losing her. She was always there for me when I needed it and I want her to know I'm there for her, but its hard.

We had a serious talk 4 days ago and haven't talked since. She feels like its her fault, like she made me feel the way I did. Itold her many times it wasn't her fault, but again, I don't want her to feel that way and want to keep her in my life. Should I text her or call her, or something? We've always some how came in contact again over the years, but I don't want to lose this person. It's so hard to explain how I'm feeling.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 21, 2013, 07:14 PM

I think you should leave her alone for a while. You have already talked. What else would you say to her if you text her?

JSagraves21 · Jan 21, 2013, 07:25 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think you should leave her alone for a while. You have already talked. What else would you say to her if you text her?

I don't know. You're right. I just keep thinking about the night I picked her up from her drunk parents. Her boyfriend told her not to worry about it while she was texting me saying she didn't want to live. I just don't know. She's lost all her friends because of him but she doesn't see that. I was the only other person she was doing things with besides him. She just doesn't want to lose him.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 21, 2013, 07:53 PM

Nothing you can do about that. This is a realization she must come to on her own.

JSagraves21 · Jan 21, 2013, 08:01 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Nothing you can do about that. This is a realization she must come to on her own.

Again, you're right. Reading all of this and thinking, I've realized that I shouldn't be the one who's upset. I'm a good guy and I take pride in that. I've already showed her that I care. If she wanted me, then I would know.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 21, 2013, 08:06 PM

Yep!

JSagraves21 · Jan 21, 2013, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Yep!

Thank you. I will try to keep this train of thought and stay more positive. Both of you have really helped a lot more than you realize.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 21, 2013, 08:21 PM

I wish you well.

talaniman · Jan 21, 2013, 09:14 PM

You will be okay,and you are not alone because we all have loved some who doesn't love us as much as we wished, and it hurts for now, but someday you will find that someone who does love you as much a you love them.

You ARE a good guy, don't change from that.

Kat89007 · Jan 30, 2013, 04:27 PM

Ithink she migth like you as I was exactly like who your describing in her... I think maybe she is still with this guy because she thinks no 1 else will love her... and if she lost all her friends then she might feel lonely without him.. but also u... tell her everything and then let her sleep on it for aa while then ask her a week later I suggest... and if she says she doesn't love you bk then just be friends but DO NOT ASK HER OUT she is off limts because then if she cheats you will be building ontop of a volcano...

JSagraves21 · Jan 30, 2013, 04:59 PM

Kat, that's almost exactly what happened. The night I posted this we had an hour long talk... ABOUT EVERYTHING. I brought up everything I was thinking and that was on my mind like how long she was going to sit and wait for this guy that ignores her sometimes and doesn't even treat her well. I ended it by saying I cared about her very much and she said the same for me. We didn't talk for about a week, but she called me on the fifth day and asked how I was. She said she really missed hanging out with me and so we started to again. I'm fine with where I'm at now because all I want is her to be happy and I can't decide for her if she wants to be with me. Things are going well though and I feel like there might be a change coming in the future. She's been telling me how much he's been pissing her off lately and she also said this while not including herself, "I don't know how his wife is going to wait for him or how he is going to have a family." So yea, anyway, who knows? I still think she's afraid to be the one to break up with him, but we still hang out constantly. We'll see what happens because I've realized that she's only just turning 18 in a month or two so we still have our whole lives ahead of us.