[talaniman]

More A Good Pun is Its Own Reword

- In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

- Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

- The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

- You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

- Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

- He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

- Every calendar's days are numbered.

- A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.





Chow Time

One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C. was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"

Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"

Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"





Fathers

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Secret Formula

The police recently busted a man selling "secret formula" tablets he claimed gave eternal youth.

When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud.

He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983...






Mad Cow

One farmer says to another farmer that he had to shoot one of his cows?

"Was it mad?" asks the other farmer.

The farmer replies "Well it wasn't very happy about it".






What Bumpers are For

Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking space. She'd bump the car in front, then back-up and strike the car behind her. This went on about 2 minutes.

I walked over to see if I could somehow help. My offer was declined though. She said, "Why have bumpers if you're not going to use them once in a while?"

[tinsign]

:D LOL I actually look forward to reading these

[talaniman]

I'm glad because a smile and a hot cup of coffee gets me started.