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    riovanes555's Avatar
    riovanes555 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jan 5, 2013, 03:02 AM
    Friendzone for a gay guy
    Ok, so quick back story:

    I just recently came out of the closet as being gay, and it just so happens that I confessed to someone who used to be my best friend. Actually, it's the second time I'd confessed.

    About a year ago, I met this guy and we hung out with other of our friends. We even sang in the same group for a while. One day we got into an argument and it ended with me apologizing through a written letter that I gave him the day after the fight. All seemed well and my friend was OK with it, until his parents found the letter. After that his parents hated me more and more for thinking I was going to turn their son gay. At this point, he tried to defend me and I had to try and force myself into becoming straight, even though I knew I really did like him.

    As the months went on we had other arguments, including one where he broke our friendship during the past summer. We made up by September and were OK for a while until December where I annoyed him so much with me questioning if we were ever going to get back to that level of closeness again and if we could ever sing together again. There have been times I've tried to commit suicide because I felt like I wasn't a good enough friend for him, and even made it seem that I would have died because of him.

    The second time he almost ended the friendship, I used a threat that I would tell his parents that we were still friends (his parents still don't know we're still friends because we hang out in secret) and he freaked out and broke down into staying my friend. However, it was then that I told him I still liked him a lot and that's why I fought with him a lot.

    He told me to accept me being gay and get over him in the gay sense to stay his friend, but I don't know how. He's moved on to another singing group (I feel like I've been replaced) and he's got everything going for him asides from academics which I've always been better at. It doesn't help that we go to two separate schools now (I'm in college and he's in high school) so we can't hang out often, especially with us having to be careful about his parents.

    I'm just asking: is this friendship worth it? Is it worth trying to rebuild? I'm trying to put in so much effort to make it a shadow of its former glory, without me trying to like him but it's hard. I just fought with him again, and he used the threat to not be my friend again. I always feel like crying when he says it. BTW we always fight through texting only. Never in person. Any comments or suggestions? Sorry if this recap seems really sketch and disconnected...
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #2

    Jan 5, 2013, 04:52 AM
    You are the lowest level of person I have ever heard, black mailing someone into your friend" no they will never really be your friend,

    And they are most likely tired of hearing about your being gay, telling them once was enough, then you just be friends,

    Leave him and tell him how sorry you were for being a jerk.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #3

    Jan 5, 2013, 10:15 AM
    If he doesn't want to be your friend, you accept it and move on. Trying to make him gay for you and keeping him around using threats of exposing him to his parents is just some ridiculous crap and you should be ashamed. Why is he so important to you that you need to act like this? Sounds to me like you need to grow up a little bit.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #4

    Jan 5, 2013, 12:08 PM
    You are trying way to hard to be a friend, and keep a friend. So stop texting crap you know brings conflict. What are you? Insecure needy, and a drama queen or something?
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
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    #5

    Jan 5, 2013, 12:27 PM
    You tried to commit suicide? You must have failed.
    You really do need to move on, as the other 3 answers are saying. To be a good friend and to have a good relationship, both must have trust, honesty, respect, and a willingness to talk about anything. You tried to blackmail him?
    I wouldn't be your friend either. You must know plenty of people at school. Try making new friends. This "friendship" is over. I wish you the best.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #6

    Jan 8, 2013, 07:01 AM
    This response is from an actual gay person and some of the response might be tough love - but oh well.

    First off: "that I confessed to someone" - being gay is not a crime so you don't need to "confess" to anyone. If you are gay, which it sounds like you are, then being gay is only a small portion of the man you are. Don't look at yourself as being gay and gay is the only thing you are. You're a singer, you're a son, you're a friend, you're a college student, etc, etc, etc.

    Second - TOO MANY gay relationships are not healthy relationships. If you are pressuring that guy to be gay, then it is not healthy. If you two are fighting via text messages and don't communicate in person it is not a healthy relationship. Set a goal to have healthy relationships with guys. In order to do that you need to look at your own behaviors and what has been triggering an unhealthy relationship.

    Third - why go backwards to a friendship that isn't going to happen no matter how much you pressure or how many threats you make? Go forward meaning you are in college now and typical colleges have a good number of gay guys. That should excite you.

    Fourth - threatening to commit suicide? Really? What is the point? You are new to the gay world so first of all welcome. Secondly, find a guy and don't put pressure on him to be your boyfriend. Become friends first and move the relationship to a healthy point. That is the only way to have a rewarding relationship.

    Good luck!

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