I am dual military. My husband and I too got engaged before our one year anniversary and married right before our two year anniversary. We are approaching our first marriage anniversary and our third year of being together. He is currently in Korea and I am in Washington having left Korea in December 2012. Before we got married, we fought like crazy over our personalities, the way we were raised, our life goals, our morals and just about everything you could think of. He's African-American and I'm Asian; he was raised in TN and I was raised in CA. Our race, religion, and upbringing DID NOT help at all as we were very different as well... not to mention, add the military and yes, it's a lot more stressful. Anyway, despite our differences and our issues, we still got married.
We struggled so much because we were learning how to live together. We were seeing one another as who we are behind closed doors and being together 24/7 basically was tough to adjust to. Three months into our marriage, I thought I made the wrong decision and I thought about divorce. Every time we had a problem, I thought about divorce. One day, I finally realized something and divorce never crossed my mind again.
When I married my husband, I had to get to know him as MY HUSBAND and not my boyfriend. A boyfriend and a husband acts totally different despite being the same person with the same mind! So, instead of treating him like a boyfriend who I could easily walked away from, I started to treat him as my husband--the man I chose to spend my life with, the man I chose to trust and have faith in--that he will make the best decisions for our family, and the man I chose to love through everything and anything!
Our marriage is great despite the distance and our upcoming overlapping deployments. Our marriage is great because we both gave each other the time to find our place in the marriage, to learn to see us as one and not two individuals, to learn the trust one another through all obstacles. We still struggle sometimes with disagreements but it's never anything major like before.
My point is give it another try.
--Have you given him the opportunity to be a husband? (My mother-in-law told me that the best thing a wife can do for her marriage is to trust her husband with whatever decisions he makes for the family whether she thinks it's good or bad because he will learn to have confidence in himself as the man of the house through trial and errors and when he find his place and see himself as a husband and not just a man, he will give back so much more! Run on sentence... whooo!)
--Have you two discussed short term goals (individual goals and family goals?) (My husband and I often discussed our individual goals and family goals to ensure we are supportive and that we are on the same page as far as our marriage goes)
--Who is the screamer in arguments? (I am the screamer as I have the hardest time controlling my emotions. My husband knows this so instead of fighting my fire with a fire of his own. He fights me with water. He calmly sits there and let me get my silly emotions out of the system and when I'm done and all calm, he'll ask for me to sit down and he will share his thoughts. He CHOOSES to be the calm one despite being angry with me because he knows how I am and when he shares his thoughts, he never curses, raises his voice, or accuses me of anything. But, he NEVER lets me walk over him... if he feels like I am, he will stop me from my screaming craziness). If the both of you are screamers in arguments, maybe you can be the calm one to avoid escalating the situation?
As young military couples, marriage isn't easy especially with the stress that comes from our jobs but it's manageable with patience, the willingness to compromise, and the willingness to try and understand.
Good luck!
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