|
my boyfriend is illegal.
I have a long one here... I have been with my boyfriend on and off for the past year and a half. Its his first relationship in a long time, he felt that in his situation he shouldn't be in a serious relationship because he's not a legal citizen and has been living illegally for a long time. So he feels that it's unfair to be making plans and promises to someone when he can't really make plans for himself. We love each other and have a hard time staying away from each other so we always end up back together when we break up. We have talked a little here and there about marrying just so he can get his papers, not marrying for real and not moving in and all that. Maybe eventually moving in but if we were to marry we would not move in right away. Once in awhile he'll get "offers" of marriage from an acquaintance and he'll get all excited about it and I'm not comfortable with it because I have no idea who these girls are and in my head it makes more sense to do it with someone you love and care about and want to be with anyway, and it makes me wonder why these random girls want to help him? They barely know him, are they really serious about it? Probably not. Then after a bit he realizes that it's not a good idea to do with someone he doesn't know all that well, that he would feel weird doing it with someone other than me. So we start talking about doing this a couple months ago, and how we could do it to where we wouldn't get caught up in the marriage part, and time goes by and it's not brought up and he starts acting a little distant and finally I bring it up and he's saying he doesn't feel right about doing it with me because he doesn't want to have to get his papers this way, that he would rather get them somehow without having to marry. Maybe if some new law passes or something. I don't know. I just sometimes feel that I'm wasting my time with him. He's not legal, he has to take jobs where he can get them, so he's not happy at his current job, he--WE can't make plans, but at the same time I LOVE him! We talk about living together in the near future, we talk about travelling together and how we want to do this and that, but NONE of this can really happen because of where he's at. And I'm totally willing to help him and marry him and it doesn't scare me because I love him and because I want to be with him, and he's such an ambitous person and I really would love to help him out. But I think it scares him because eventually it probably would turn into a "marriage." he tried a long time ago, maybe about 10 years, he married his girlfriend at the time and started the process with lawyers but she cheated on him and they divorced before he got the chance to actually get his papers. So he hasn't really been in a serious relationship since then until he met me, and it's very obvious that he's scared being in one. I posted here a short time ago that he backs away when we get close, this is why we've broken up a couple of times before. When we get back together he's super into it, (our relationship) and talks so positively about he and I marrying and how it could work. Then a couple of months will go by, and he's weird. Anyway, we do love each other and I try as best I can to be patient with him because I know he has a lot on his plate. I'm not perfect either, sh*t. he deals with my hang ups too. Anyway he's a very sweet and smart person and we have a lot of fun and learn so much from each other, but it's hard because I feel that at any moment he could just bail out because of his situation. I have never been more insecure in a relationship in my life. So... I need help here.
|
Originally Posted by rosy_123
