[kmsand410]

My boyfriend and I have been together for nine months. We’re both 22, and this is both of ours first relationship.

It took him one month for our first kiss, and that was after I asked him why we hadn’t kissed yet. After that, the only time we would ever kiss is when we were saying goodbye to each other. I asked him a few times if he wanted to make out, but he turned me down. I would get upset with the lack of affection, and I would often talk to him about it and cry about it. I used to cry every day because I felt like he wasn’t attracted to me. I thought something was wrong with me. I couldn’t understand why my boyfriend only wanted to hold hands.

A few months into our relationship, he told me he was waiting until marriage to have sex. I told him that I didn’t feel the same way, but I respect his beliefs (I’m a virgin, too). At first, it wasn’t a problem. I wanted to have sex, but I certainly wasn’t going to force the issue upon him.

After five months of dating, we started making out. I really enjoyed it and it made me really happy. I couldn’t wait to do it again. One time as we were making out and I was on top of him, he pulled my hips forward and we started grinding (fully clothed). After about a week, he thought we were going too fast. It made me really upset and I cried a lot. We still made out here and there.

Lately, it has been getting really heavy. He takes my top off and plays with my breasts. I really, really enjoy it. I moan and let him know he is pleasing me. A few nights ago, it got really heated. I wanted to take things a step further, so I put my hands on his crotch. He was wearing jeans, and I could feel his erection. He didn’t respond favorably. I cried and I got really upset. He said he’s not ready for sex, and I felt so horrible about trying to pressure him.

I usually initiate the make out sessions, which bothers me a lot. A lot of times when we make out, he has to take a break. I just feel undesired and unwanted. It makes me feel like he’s not attracted to me.

I asked him when he wants to get married, and he said in four or five years. How could anyone go that long without sex? I asked him if he could see himself getting marriage to me, and he said he had to figure things out before marriage (I have no idea what these things are) and we had to figure out school. In less than two years, I’m going to be moving two hours away to attend university for two or three years. I had assumed that he would move in with me, but he said he didn’t believe in living together before marriage.

Another thing is, I always pay we when go out. We both work part time at a grocery store, but I make a little more than he does and I have saved a lot of it. I’ve told him before that it bothers me that he doesn’t make an effort to save money and take me out, or even doing things that are cheap. When we go out, and he expects me to pay every time. When I bring this up, he gets really defensive.

I don’t know what to do. I love him so much, but I can’t keep crying every day and feeling like this.

[Enigma1999]

Ok, first of all, STOP crying all of the time. That right there would be enough for a man to leave. It shows that you are very emotional and vulnerable.

Do you really need to have sex in order for you to feel desired?

Six months is too soon. Perhaps try learning about his mind instead of his genetalia.

He is not ready! Plain and simple.

I respect him for waiting to make love to his wife after he is married.

If you are leaving and he does not want to go, then there is your answer.

[Homegirl 50]

You two are obviously not on the same page. Stop making him feel bad for wanting to wait for sex and leave him alone.
All the crying and temper tantrums are sickening. A lot of people wait, date with no sex saving it for marriage, it can be done. But now you're saying you pay for everything.
You do have a choice. You can either talk to him with out all the dramatics or accept that you two don't share the same values and leave.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, not sure why he wants to wait 4 or 5 years for marriage, but at some point with all of the things you are doing, sex is going to happen.
But people can go without sex, it is not a requirement of life. You have went 22 years without it. Many 15 year olds are saying what you are saying, and they could not believe anyone waited that long.

The issue here is, why do you now want to have sex, and why is it so demanding.

You will either have to accept him as is, or break up and just move on.

I am sure you will find many men willing to have sex on first or second date, most likely not call you after a few weeks, but sex is easy to find, a person who loves you for you, is not

[Homegirl 50]

I'm thinking mybe you are not the one he wants to marry and does not want to have sex with you.