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Alex93 · Dec 30, 2012, 09:40 AM

This question isn't really for me, but trying to get advice to help a family member. Before that I'll try to explain how it first happened.

This all started when my uncle (person that I'm trying to help) got his first car. It was an Acura RSX type-s, he was going to turn 18 in a few months and will get the money from the savings that is mom left him before she passed away to pay it all off then. We are Asian with the typical strict rules of school first. Before turning 18 he had his drivers license already. Few weeks passed by news was that he crashed the car while street racing with someone. The car was totaled and gone. That's when he stared to act strange, no one got contact on him, weed was found on my other uncles car when he was driving it. He started to distance himself away from me and everyone around him. Everyone knew that he was smoking weed. Before turning 18 he told me that he had owed a guy almost $4,000. He had asked me and my brother $400 together to help him it. Dumb like before we gave him the money. When he turned 18 the money that we gave him was paid backup us. The money that his mom saved up was gone in less than 2 weeks. I had heard that there was at least $10,000 or so in there at first. Some of the money went to his car and majority went to debts that he owed. Fast forward a few weeks later, he was still acting the same as before. Now at 18 he has at least 3-4 fines that weren't paid and so was arrested in jail. My oldest uncle bailed him out early because he was the youngest sibling in the family.

Sorry about the long story but I had to get a majority of it out there. Here's my question, how do I help him or get him out of this? Before this happened he was a family type of person and always hung out with my brothers and me. Any advice will be helpful. We also live in the urban areas.

JudyKayTee · Dec 30, 2012, 10:42 AM

Sounds like he's legally an adult involved in, at best, illegal activities. You can't change him. Only he can change himself.

You can counsel and advise, present a good example, not lend him money - otherwise he's a legal adult, doing what he wants, when he wants.

I don't think these problems happen overnight and question whether there have been problems in the past.

Alex93 · Dec 30, 2012, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Sounds like he's legally an adult involved in, at best, illegal activities. You can't change him. Only he can change himself.

You can counsel and advise, present a good example, not lend him money - otherwise he's a legal adult, doing what he wants, when he wants.

I don't think these problems happen overnight and question whether there have been problems in the past.

The money part is now out of the question, since my brother and I have agreed to stop lending him money at all cost. I haven't really been able to talk to him in a month. The way I see it he's given up.

Also there weren't much problems until after the car accident. That's about as much info I can get out of him since he's blocked out most of the family members now.

talaniman · Dec 30, 2012, 11:43 AM

This is a bad path he has gotten himself on to, and he is the only one to change that. You can only advise him to get a lawyer, and stay out of his crap.

Alex93 · Dec 30, 2012, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

This is a bad path he has gotten himself on to, and he is the only one to change that. You can only advise him to get a lawyer, and stay out of his crap.

Yeah it seems like he's only going to get worse as things go on now.

Some reasons that I think he isn't looking at reality is because he knows that someone will be there for him. An example would be his second oldest brother, during the jail he got bailed out because the older brother felt sorry about him.

Being Asians we have a strong feeling of family comes first, could also mean he doesn't see reality yet. Thanks for the advices.