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justme71 · Dec 25, 2012, 09:19 PM

I was in a relationship with my ex four months ago. We met up after being away from each other’s lives for almost 10 years. Everything happened without us planning any of it. I’m telling you this because we are both married to other people. But we both started to fall for each other almost instantly.

However two months ago we decided to compromise our feelings and remain as friends because we both know that it’s impossible to be together. We both love each other but we just had to end it before things get too close for comfort and before we both start hurting our spouses and family.

However, I can't get over him and he still calls me every now and then. I wanted to stop all contacts with him totally but don’t have the heart to disappear from his life just like that. I miss him still but I’m trying to stay strong for our families sake.

Question is how long must I still be there for him, and should I just end it all by really stopping all contact with him? Please help because I think I need closure and move on with my own life with my family.

talaniman · Dec 26, 2012, 09:25 AM

The only closure you can have is through accepting this relationship on the side is wrong, and stop all contact with this ex. Immediately.

After a while the healing process will start, and you will have to deal with the memories because you will never forget. Takes time if you start now, forever if you don't find the courage to do the right thing.

justme71 · Dec 27, 2012, 10:03 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The only closure you can have is thru accepting this relationship on the side is wrong, and stop all contact with this ex. Immediately.

After a while the healing process will start, and you will have to deal with the memories because you will never forget. Takes time if you start now, forever if you don't find the courage to do the right thing.

Thank you for your reply.. I read it again and again and I think you are right. I need to put him and the memories behind and move on... If I don't do it now I'm just going to Hurt myself and the people around me. I know he will try to contact me because he has my office and mobile numbers but I guess I just need to be strong and I will try to avoid his calls if I can.. The healing process will take time I know but I also know I can overcome this..

Fr_Chuck · Dec 27, 2012, 10:45 PM

It is never possible to really move on having contact. You need to break all contact, don't read email, don't read text and more

ArmstrongMiller · Dec 27, 2012, 11:16 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

The only closure you can have is thru accepting this relationship on the side is wrong, and stop all contact with this ex. Immediately.

After a while the healing process will start, and you will have to deal with the memories because you will never forget. Takes time if you start now, forever if you don't find the courage to do the right thing.

Agree with you.

justme71 · Dec 28, 2012, 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

It is never possible to really move on having contact. You need to break all contact, dont read email, don't read text and more

Hi thanks for your views.. I now need to know how do I avoid his phone calls? What if he calls me at my work place? I can screen my calls via my mobile but I can't do it via my office number. Do I tell him straight that I want nothing to do with him? We went separate ways amicably, no fights n no arguments. We just know it was the right thing to do. So how do I avoid his calls through my office phone?

Alty · Dec 28, 2012, 12:37 AM

The best thing to do is to tell him that you need to cut all contact in order to move on with your life and have a healthy relationship with your spouse and family. If he cares about you at all, he'll respect that. Wish him well, but tell him that you can no longer have any contact, none at all, by any means.

If he continues to call, text, email, or whatever, either hang up immediately, or delete. After a while he'll get the hint, and he'll either stop calling and emailing, or he'll up his game. If he does up his game, that's when you get the police involved.

As for your office, you can tell the secretary (if you have one) to ask who's calling, and if it's him, to tell him you're not accepting his calls, or, hang up when it's him.

It's easy to avoid someone. You just have to choose to do it. It really is your choice.

justme71 · Dec 28, 2012, 03:11 AM

Originally Posted by Alty

The best thing to do is to tell him that you need to cut all contact in order to move on with your life and have a healthy relationship with your spouse and family. If he cares about you at all, he'll respect that. Wish him well, but tell him that you can no longer have any contact, none at all, by any means.

If he continues to call, text, email, or whatever, either hang up immediately, or delete. After a while he'll get the hint, and he'll either stop calling and emailing, or he'll up his game. If he does up his game, that's when you get the police involved.

As for your office, you can tell the secretary (if you have one) to ask who's calling, and if it's him, to tell him you're not accepting his calls, or, hang up when it's him.

It's easy to avoid someone. You just have to choose to do it. It really is your choice.

Thank you for your views.. I don't have a secretary to screen my calls so I guess it's all up to me... Will take a lot of courage to avoid him because he knows tt I'm not the sort who hangs up phone calls.. But I will try because I don't want to be an 'option' to him anymore!