[Nice357]

Me and my girlfriend were together for 4 year thought we had a beautiful relationship did absolutely everything together. But one day I violated probation and knew I would have to go back to jail so we prepared brought me whites had sex more than usual went to extra places held each other tighter because I knew she was going to miss me and she was so emotional about it. But in order for me to get the least amount of time I had to turn myself in to jail she begged and pleaded don't go I love you crying saying what was she going to do without me but I simply told her I had to so I don't have to do my whole 1 year so I turned myself in my probation officer said she was going to give me 8 months.

So the calls and visits were good for 2 months. Then they started getting bad. Like arguing a lot, her hanging up on me a lot, but we still talked she always made sure I had money on my commissary. But one day she came to visit and she was crying telling me she was a bad girlfriend. I didn't understand why and I told her she was the best. Then one day they moved me to a different facility and I called her she said she was going with her pregnant friend to get a checkup and hung up the phone. I called the next day and asked her what she was doing and she said looking for an apartment with her friends so they could room together so. I'm like wait wasn't the plan to move in together when I got out of jail? She said I wouldn't want to be with her when I got out. So I said why she said because she slept with another person and he had got her pregnant on purpose but she got an abortion because of me so I thanked her for telling me the truth and I asked her did she love him and did she want to be with him. She said no she wanted to be with me. So I said OK stop what you're doing and wait on me I have two months. I forgave her because I cheated on her before when she went to college and I didn't want to be a hypocrite.

So she visited and the calls and money were given to me but when I had a month to go she said she was with a friend, a guy. So I asked her is it the same person and she said no. and she slept with him and she said she didn't want me anymore. But when I got out she greeted me with open arms. I had got a seasonal job, showed her I changed. When we made love it seemed like I never left. The seasonal job ended. It's hard for me to find a job as well and one day I asked her could I come over and she said her boyfriend wouldn't like that. I was so shocked she doesn't even want to make love to me anymore. She says she's moved on but every time was together she looks at me like she still in love always. Trying to hold my hand, and kiss me, offering me money, telling me she loves me. But when we text she tells me she hates me for leaving and telling me she's never going to back with me.

And one day she snatches my phone so she could snoop and she found text in my phone and pics of girls but I only did that so I could get over her. But when I took her phone I seen a pic of the second guy she cheated on me with and it was a naked picture of him his penis is not even bigger than mine... But anyway I always called her I always ask to come over and she denies me all the time. But all I do is send her messages and cute pics of us and sweet messages telling her I want her back. But she always denies me. But it just seems like that's not what she wants. I waited 8 months in jail to get back with her and it's this BS. I miss her and really love her and I know it's not healthy cause all I do is hurt myself to keep trying to get her back but I keep trying. Anyway what do I do?!

[dontknownuthin]

If you were my son, I would recommend that you let this girl go because there is a lot of hurt on both sides, and there has been cheating on both sides. If you were married I would recommend you get counseling to work through it all, but given that you aren't married, I think you're better off to let her go now and see it as an opportunity to start fresh with a better relationship.

Before you get involved with another woman, take advantage of whatever programs are available to you for counseling and getting back on your feet. It sounds like you have had kind of a rough life and jail must have been very hard on you. I don't know what you got in trouble for but whether you've been involved with a gang, or were stealing, or were doing drugs, driving drunk, domestic situations - whatever it was - well, it take a lot of work to get past those behaviors. I think it would make a lot of sense for you to really make it your mission to overcome these hardships so you don't end up back in jail again.

Also make a plan for what you're going to do long term. For now you probably just need to take any job, but maybe you really need to become something specific - a career path with a name, something that you can say about yourself and feel proud of, like "I'm an electrician" or whatever it is. I don't know if you have a trade or profession, but make a five year plan for yourself and start taking steps toward it. Don't worry about whether you have money - just, for example, call a community college and go meet with someone to find out your options. Or perhaps a military recruiter - maybe military discipline and a solid income and training and the chance when you get out to go to college on the GI bill would all give you a sense of pride and a purpose in your life.

I know this advise doesn't address your girlfriend problems and that's because I'm old enough to know that until you are on the right path yourself, and are really proud of who you are and what you do, you will settle. You will take whatever girl will take you, and she may just not be good enough. When you are a solid guy, you can set pretty high expectations for your woman. And then you can have a good life together, instead of all this tedious and confusing and upsetting drama.

So yeah - think about what might be things you'd like to have in your future for your profession - military, trade school, joining a union, passing the civil service exam to work for the government - whatever appeals to you. Maybe college? Forget girls and start on a path for yourself. Wouldn't you likely pick a better girl if you met someone and she asked, "what do you do?" and you had a better answer than, "I have a seasonal job - see, I just got out of jail". How about if you said, "I've just finished a tour with the US Army, active duty and now I'm going to school on the GI Bill", or, "I'm working a seasonal job right now but in a year I will finish my certification as a heating, ventillation and air conditioning technician", or "I'm in business school. I'll have my associates degree in two years and then am transfering to a four year school for my bachelor's degree".

Rise yourself out of this hard life you've been living and you will find that once you do, you will hold yourself to a higher standard and will hold others to higher standards. That done, you will have a chance at a happy and loving relationship with the right girl.

[Fr_Chuck]

She did not wait for you, and it is never going to be the same, what is happening is not good,
Move on, start doing what is best for you to move on with your lfe

[talaniman]

You have wasted enough time on this girl who has made her own choices, and its time you focused on making better choices for yourself and your future without her. Sorry guy but I can't see this as a healthy pursuit of happiness.