[Wondergirl]

Rich's look at some of the ways our approach to the holidays makes them less than joyful – but not the usual tirade against materialism that one might expect.

Every year around December and perhaps earlier, I reflect on how we observe Christmas and how we prepare for it. I feel rather strongly that many people have fallen into habits that make it almost impossible for them to enjoy the holiday season. It's no wonder that some people, including clergy and mental health professionals, say that Christmas is "a difficult time of the year" for many people. I'm not surprised when I hear individuals saying that they "hate Christmas" or that they invariably get depressed during the holidays.

turner.depressed christmas-dog.jpg

First, I must observe something about our treatment of the Christmas season itself. Every year (at least lately) the tiresome, self-appointed advocates of political correctness mount their soap boxes and declare that wishing people "Merry Christmas" is somehow offensive and discriminatory. This shrill and patently silly protest assumes that, since not everyone observes or believes in the traditional Christian holiday, people who do not will be offended if we wish them a Merry Christmas. Some stores have gone so far as to ban their clerks from uttering the words; they must say "Happy Holidays" instead. What absurd poppycock! How we greet each other shouldn't matter. It's not as if, by saying "Merry Christmas," we are insisting that others observe the holiday as we do or even that we are assuming that they are Christians.

Equally exasperating are the rants of people who declare that we're destroying and perverting the holiday by "taking Christ out of Christmas." The "Christmas" season long ago expanded, at least in our culture, to include all the holidays (holy days) that fall around this time of year, including some newly invented ones. Furthermore, it is as much about secular festivities as it is about "Christ Mass," with even many devout Christians incorporating into it symbols that have nothing to do with the Christian story of the Nativity. We are all free to observe the season according to our personal beliefs, whether we are celebrating the Christian Nativity, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the Winter Solstice, National Run-up-the-Credit-Card-Debt Month, or whatever.

We might all enjoy it more if we didn't get hung up on such matters. We might be less uptight if we accept that what we call "Christmas" is inclusive. Profoundly devout Christians observe it as a Christ Mass celebrating the birth of Jesus, those of other faiths do not observe Christmas as such at all but follow their own religious traditions, those without a specific religious affiliation have a kind of secular celebration, and many of us combine the religious and secular elements. Why should we get in a twit about how other people celebrate the season? What business is it of ours anyway? We not only have no right to dictate how others observe the holidays, but we spoil our own experience of them by wasting time making judgments about what other folks do.

turner.BAH-HUMBUG.jpg

Ironically, many of the people who complain about "taking Christ out of Christmas" are themselves deeply committed to many of the secular traditions and symbolism now associated with the holidays. Many are hypocrites. They bemoan the commercialism while spending big bucks on (pagan) Christmas trees and toys for the kids from Santa Claus, who is significantly absent from all biblical accounts of the Nativity. They proclaim that Christmas represents "peace on Earth and good will toward all men," but their arguments usually define "all" as "only those who believe as I do and practice the faith that I practice." On the other hand, those who insist on forcing everyone to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" are, in essence, saying that it is somehow socially and politically incorrect for those who do observe Christmas in the traditional, religious way to express their beliefs in public.

When we have internal conflicts, bordering on schizophrenia, about Christmas, is it any wonder that we become stressed, uncomfortable, and anxious – in a word, dysfunctional? Why can't we accept that the holidays are an orgy of conspicuous consumption and leave it at that? After all, we have made them that way, and we should not condemn businesses for capitalizing on our materialism. If, as I have written elsewhere, we want to behave like lemmings and commit financial suicide by leaping off plastic cliffs into a sea of debt, those who stand to profit from this behavior are going to cheer us on with all the commercial razzle-dazzle they can muster. Anyway, those of us who own stocks – even if they're only in a 401(k) plan – need to hope that folks will buy stuff like crazy during the holidays, for nothing keeps the market afloat better than consumer spending. I'm only half joking when I tell people not to feel guilty about Christmas extravagance because they're helping the economy.

turner2.christmas-shopping.jpg

What really spoils the season for many of us, though, is that we don't truly enjoy all of this extravagance. We go about Christmas shopping with a certain desperation and grim determination – the "gotta get it" syndrome, where "it" is the perfect gift for everyone, including this year's vogue toy for Junior, of which there are perhaps two left in stores in a radius of 50 miles. Then we're upset because the stores are crowded (you expected them to be empty?), that there are no parking spaces (you expected everyone else to walk?), and that everyone else seems to be as desperate and determined as we are. Everywhere we go, we encounter clenched teeth, grim visages, and bawling toddlers. Where's the joy that someone on the store's PA system is singing about?

Often, all of this joyless preparation is targeted at creating one perfect day, which, of course, Christmas never is. As with other days, Murphy's Law applies: if something can go wrong, it will. The problem here is that something that goes wrong on any other day may be considered a minor inconvenience, whereas if the same thing happens on Christmas Day, it's a disaster. A primary cause of all the stress we have is too much emphasis on The Day and unreasonably high expectations for it. Of course, the day is special; however, if we don't enjoy the days leading up to it, the whole exercise is going to be a huge disappointment, intensifying the post-Christmas funk that many experience.

turner.grumpy-pup.jpg

Children usually have it right. They don't worry about whether people go about saying "Merry Christmas," "Happy Holidays," or something else. They immerse themselves in the joy of anticipation, despite the adult anxiety that surrounds them. The day itself is a big deal, but the run-up to it is fun as well. They have no problem wrapping up the Nativity Story, Santa Claus, the giving and getting of new toys, and the Jewish neighbors' Hanukkah celebration, and a lot of other stuff into one glorious package. We would enjoy the holidays much more if we could be childlike about them, instead of being childish.

turner.11659553-cartoon-christmas-children.jpg


* * * * * * * * * *

*If you have hung around Q&A sites for a while, you may remember Rich, a grammar expert on askme.com, PointAsk.com, Answerway.com, and others. He was also a member here, but briefly, before his death on June 16, 2011. He hosted his own very excellent and interesting grammar site at The Grammar Curmudgeon and was busy writing a book on being a grumpy grammarian.