[benjyjjj]

Hello.

I am a 15 year old boy from England. To put it bluntly, I can't stand my life anymore. My parents split up when I was 4 which I now don't mind and prefer. My mum has recently finished a long 2 year battle with cancer. Through out this she was normal, obviously tired, but still her usual self. She also ended aa 5 year long relationship with her boyfriend a few monthes ago with pressure from me. I didn't want to get involved, but he was a nasty man. He abused her. Even when she was going through cancer. Normally he would only verbally abuse her and make her feel alone. But on one inncident I know about, he purpously shoved my mum off an airbed whilst camping to celebrate the end of her chemotherapy. I know what he is, he is sociopathic. A person who has emotional problems, thought to not be able to feel love or remorse and who thrives on making peoples lives hell. He was all of the above.

I would say that before all this cancer and mums boyfriend, that I was only slightly religious. This brought me closer to God and I began to pray a few times a day for her and wish that it could be me in her position instead of her as she doesn't deserve it. I think that my prayers were finally answered when she ended it for good with him. I remember we arrived home, he walked up to my mum and said that she was stupid to leave him and that she would be alone and sad forever. I had enough by this point. After 5 years of living with this monster, it was my turn. 5 years of anger poured out my mouth towards him, in front of his 12 year old daughter. I told him everything I thought of him but the main thing is that I said if he ever came near my mother again it would be the last thing he would ever do. I slammed the door shut on his car where I was sitting. I didn't even care that his paperwork had fallen out onto the floor. I just ripped it up and binned it. I know I should have left it to my mum to have a go at him, but he was so demanding and vicious that someone needed to put him in his place and fast.

Back to the title of the question, my mum has been sad ever since he left. Quiet and would snap even at light jokes I made thinking that they were vicious. She expects me to act like an adult, but when I do she spits it back in my face. I still speak to my father and see him twice per month. I can't talk to him though, he treats me like I'm only 4 still by not allowing me to at least help around the house or ever something as easy as making a cup of tea. Even when I tried to show my maturity to him, he and his wife laughed it back in my face, not in a nasty way, just an innocent one. I can't talk to my best friend, if I can call him that. As he has changed a lot since we started secondary school (high school for the Americans out there!). He seems to hate me all of a sudden. I am HIS only friend. So when I leave him alone he looks lonely so I feel bad. But any way sorry!

I need some advice on how to deal with this. Any advice from real people will be appreciated lots.

Thank you have a good christmas
Jack

[mareola]

Your mom may partially be angry because you lost your temper like a child. She has a lot of good reasons to be sad based on what you have written. Your friend may be growing out of your relationship and no longer want to spend time with you.
These are all things that you cannot control. Your conflict and suffering all seem to come from your desire to "fix" those around you. This desire is natural, especially at your age when you can see that your actions have consequences for others. If you can hurt them or make them angry, then why shouldn't you be able to make them feel better, right?
Based on what you have said about your growing relationship with God, I suggest that you give these problems to him. Do not stress over what you can/should do. You cannot fix other people. Their feelings and problems can only be solved with time (and perhaps the intervention of a loving God).
What you can do is work on yourself. You can work on your anger and desire to control. You can volunteer for humanitarian organizations and make peace with your past actions. You can apologize and not give in to the desire to justify. That way, when God gives you an obvious way to help you will be ready.
Pray for those you love and have peace that God will help them when they are ready.