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1986introuble · Dec 18, 2012, 12:14 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and living together for 2 1/2. For the first year or so our sex life was great. But, over the past few years sex has been less and less. He is always affectionate outside the bedroom. Always kissing me, rubbing my back, and always telling me I'm beautiful. We are together enough I know he would never cheat, his heart is always in the right place.

The problem is once we get into the bedroom. I am always the one initiating sex. (I can count on one hand how many times he has our whole relationship) I am 26 and he is 30. So, I know he should have a sex drive of some sort but, we only have sex maybe once a month.

Anytime I try to bring up this subject he get defensive and doesn't want to talk about it and makes excuses like, "you were just on your period for the last week" or "I'm stressed out". I put up with those lame excuses for too long now.

What do I do? I'm 26 and I want to make love with the man I plan on marrying.

J_9 · Dec 18, 2012, 12:28 AM

Stress is not a lame excuse. It is legitimate. Stress is a sex killer.

First of all, you are out of the honeymoon period. Sex usually decreases after a year or so of living together. Hormonally speaking you are at your prime at 26 and he has paased his prime at 30. Sexual prime for a man is late terns to mid-20s.

Has he had a medical check up lately? Does he have any medical issues? There are quite a few that can cause a decrease in sexual desire.

1986introuble · Dec 18, 2012, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Stress is not a lame excuse. It is legitimate. Stress is a sex killer.

First of all, you are out of the honeymoon period. Sex usually decreases after a year or so of living together. Hormonally speaking you are at your prime at 26 and he has paased his prime at 30. Sexual prime for a man is late terns to mid-20s.

Has he had a medical check up lately? Foes he have any medical issues? There are quite a few that can cause a decrease in sexual desire.

He has not gone to a doctor in years due to losing his medical insurance. I know he does have something wrong. There are a few things medically that I am worried about. On top of that he has been addicted to opiates for 15 years. I know drug use will decrease a mans desire for sex as well. I'm just stuck in a rock and a hard place. If there's something medically wrong we can't do anything but hope he can find a job that offers benefits.
When I'm stressed out sex makes it better for me. It relaxes me. I would never want to cheat on him but getting the job done myself is getting pretty boring.

talaniman · Dec 18, 2012, 02:47 PM

I think you both solve the problem of addressing HIS issues by making a doctor a reality, and not just an obstacle. Then see what happens.

J_9 · Dec 18, 2012, 02:49 PM

I also think his addiction needs to be addressed. Please make sure you are using protection when having sex.

1986introuble · Dec 23, 2012, 09:26 PM

Thank you, you are right. Going to the doctors should not be an obstacle! Insurance or not. We do not use protection. He never used any needles, he sniffs. He never shares straws and only uses one a few time and throws it away. I've read about "dope ", I know that has happened in the past.
My only other issue is getting him to the doctor. It's like pulling teeth. I had to pressure him into going to his PCP when we had first met. I made the appointment, coordinated the appointment with his work schedule, and drove him there. I'm okay doing that again if need be. We just have to find him a new PCP. The current (he has had for all his life) is pretty intolerable. The doctor didn't ever want to do routine blood tests on his last physical.