[ovidellis]

Basically, since about 7th grade, I sort of stopped feeling emotion over many things. That was the test when I went to military school. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with it, but every detail helps. Anyway, normally if I feel emotion, it comes our as anger or regret, other time I fake it. It being anything from happiness to sadness. I fail to comprehend why I lack the feelings that so many others seem to take for granted. There are a few touchy subjects in my life that will make me feel true sadness, but happiness has almost always eluded me. The same goes for trust and faith, I cannot ever recall a time when I trusted someone absolutely. And faith in any religion has never presented its self to me. I honestly strive for these three emotions, but I have forgotten how to feel them. Honestly, the only reason I use online communities is because the only people who could link this to me are people who know me more than, and differently, than I had anticipated or intended. On occasion I find myself in a state of overwhelming emotion that often is blocked mostly out of my memory. Also, I do not fear death, nor do I fear the result, or the cause. This is not a bluff, but fear truly does seem to elude me as much as, if not more than, happiness. I find myself unable to trust even my closest family member with a small secret quite often. I think that that may root from the fact that my grandfather, who was the family member I cared about the most and one of the touchy subjects, passed on when I was five. It is actually such a sensitive matter that I feel, not sorrow, but regret while typing just this. Regret that I hadn't spent more time with him and that I will never live up to what a great man he was and that I will never meet what he thought I could achieve. In conclusion, I reach out to my peers of Earth in seek of an answer or simply emotional support, either way I thank you for sparing time to read my troubles.

[ovidellis]

Basically, since about 7th grade, I sort of stopped feeling emotion over many things. That was the test when I went to military school. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with it, but every detail helps. Anyway, normally if I feel emotion, it comes our as anger or regret, other time I fake it. It being anything from happiness to sadness. I fail to comprehend why I lack the feelings that so many others seem to take for granted. There are a few touchy subjects in my life that will make me feel true sadness, but happiness has almost always eluded me. The same goes for trust and faith, I cannot ever recall a time when I trusted someone absolutely. And faith in any religion has never presented its self to me. I honestly strive for these three emotions, but I have forgotten how to feel them. Honestly, the only reason I use online communities is because the only people who could link this to me are people who know me more than, and differently, than I had anticipated or intended. On occasion I find myself in a state of overwhelming emotion that often is blocked mostly out of my memory. Also, I do not fear death, nor do I fear the result, or the cause. This is not a bluff, but fear truly does seem to elude me as much as, if not more than, happiness. I find myself unable to trust even my closest family member with a small secret quite often. I think that that may root from the fact that my grandfather, who was the family member I cared about the most and one of the touchy subjects, passed on when I was five. It is actually such a sensitive matter that I feel, not sorrow, but regret while typing just this. Regret that I hadn't spent more time with him and that I will never live up to what a great man he was and that I will never meet what he thought I could achieve. In conclusion, I reach out to my peers of Earth in seek of an answer or simply emotional support, either way I thank you for sparing time to read my troubles.