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complicated30 · Dec 15, 2012, 07:43 AM

My partner and I wanted a change in our relationship. We decided to try this change and now I can't get past the images in my head that has been weighing deeply on my heart. He knows and we talked about it and he completely understands but these images shows up in dreams and random thoughts throughout the day. Now I think it effects my relationship because I can't seem to let it go. I don't want to keep bothering him about this because I don't want to push him away because we have talked about this. What do I do? Anything could help.

odinn7 · Dec 15, 2012, 07:53 AM

It helps us to give you an answer if you are so cryptic with your question. Details on what you are talking about help.

complicated30 · Dec 15, 2012, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

It helps us to give you an answer if you are so cryptic with your question. Details on what you are talking about help.

Well we had a threesome. How do I deal with it. We decided that was not going to happen again but I can't get past it it.

odinn7 · Dec 15, 2012, 08:02 AM

So I am guessing that he talked you into doing it even though you were against the idea of it... am I right?

complicated30 · Dec 15, 2012, 08:05 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

So I am guessing that he talked you into doing it even though you were against the idea of it....am I right?

Umm. No. I was up for it too. If your asking was it my idea? No it wasn't. Thought really hard about before choosing to do so.

odinn7 · Dec 15, 2012, 08:12 AM

Well, there is no magic answer here. You did this and it sounds like you weren't really ready for it. Now you are stuck with it but you just need to move forward. You need to stop dwelling on it and eventually it will fade in your mind.

talaniman · Dec 15, 2012, 03:41 PM

We always have memories of things we have done in the past, be it good, or bad, but in time new thoughts and memories will take over. Time is the answer and no need to keep talking about it even if he brings it up.

Good experience or bad?

Oliver2011 · Dec 17, 2012, 05:59 AM

Originally Posted by odinn7

Well, there is no magic answer here. You did this and it sounds like you weren't really ready for it. Now you are stuck with it but you just need to move forward. You need to stop dwelling on it and eventually it will fade in your mind.

I agree. What is done is done. If you don't like it don't do it again.

But BLAH - I can't imagine sharing my partner with anyone.

I wonder if this will lead him to cheating on you now?

joypulv · Dec 17, 2012, 07:03 AM

Perhaps his desire to have the threesome in the first place is what bothers you more than the act itself? I don't want to put words in your mouth, but do you feel that you were/are no longer desirable by yourself, or did you sense a change in him that led to this arrangement?

There are ways for couples to put the spark back in a long relationship. Separate vacations, and doing more things with separate friends on a daily basis, are the biggies. Classes, night out with the girls/guys, stories to bring home, stories to be a little envious of, 'three good looking guys tried to hit on us,' excitement elsewhere without going too far. Watching soft porn together. Role playing. Does he have any fantasies that can be acted out with just you? Or don't ask him, just walk in some night wearing a French maid outfit or Catwoman or...

Fr_Chuck · Dec 17, 2012, 07:57 AM

You can not change the past, and yes if you keep bringing this up all the time, it will push him away.

So you tell him that you will not longer do it, and if it still bothers you get counseling