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banana007 · Dec 14, 2012, 11:06 AM

Wow, I have the same problem with my 25 yo son. Problem is, he does not have a job. He was away for 8 months and now he came back as if he is on vacation. He is nasty and lazy. He does not help with chores and gets nasty when I ask if he is looking for a new school or job. He is in his room all day on the computer and I do not know what he does all day because I work. I have stopped cooking meals for him when I come home and he seems to be able to cook himself. Another worry is that he is getting pot from someone and smokes outside when I go to sleep. I think I smell the sweet smell. I have asked and he said 'no'. I do not believe him and I see him heading in a bad future. I live alone and his father (living far away) has said he 'gives up' trying to help him because he is not a baby and needs to look himself. Therefore, I am stuck here to keep a roof over his head and food in his mouth. BTW - he seems very depressed because he claims he gets only negative answers from jobs he applied for. Any advise will help. I am losing my mind!

Wondergirl · Dec 14, 2012, 11:15 AM

I moved your post to start its own thread so it doesn't get lost inside someone else's.

Have you ever given him a deadline to move out? (Where had he been "away" at?)

banana007 · Dec 14, 2012, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I moved your post to start its own thread so it doesn't get lost inside someone else's.

Have you ever given him a deadline to move out? (Where had he been "away" at?)

Thanks, he was away in South america on a temporary job (which his dad found for him).

Wondergirl · Dec 14, 2012, 11:24 AM

Has he applied at hospitals, nursing homes, public libraries?

Oliver2011 · Dec 14, 2012, 11:36 AM

If he is smoking pot that eliminates jobs that require a drug test.

Would taking a very positive approach work with your son? Helping him look for work on the computer during the evening? Asking people you know who might be hiring?

Or would structuring his time like we had to do when they were kids work better? He might be an adult in age, but sometimes guys don't grow up as fast as we would expect. Not having a job doesn't help anyone's self esteem.

Wondergirl · Dec 14, 2012, 11:54 AM

I am also thinking he might want to have a job coach. I did that for clients and worked with them on their resumes/applications, where to apply, how to interview, and even gave them help and advice once they had landed a job.

joypulv · Dec 14, 2012, 12:51 PM

He's getting money from somewhere for pot, while you give him free room AND board! Make it clear that he has X weeks for each thing: buy his own food, start paying rent - or leave. He is nasty because he has no self respect while you enable him, and hence no respect for you or anyone else. He knows he has to get off his butt.
Yes, jobs are hard to find. He has to go in with a positive, almost artificially positive eagerness to work at the place he is applying to. He has to say so. He has to say 'I really need and want THIS job, working HERE, and will show up on time every day with no excuses and my phone turned off, and work my tail off.'

banana007 · Dec 14, 2012, 01:37 PM

Hey all you guys are really great with your answers. It is almost a sign of relief to know others understand what I am going through. I am taking all of your advice and trying new approaches. Let us keep in touch. I need this!!