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Ployter · Dec 9, 2012, 04:55 PM

I've been seeing someone for a few months and I love her, I don't care how stupid it sound for such a short time, and she's also seeing someone else, she's been swig him longer than me, and she says she still loves me, and she's not sure About him, so I asked her if she still wanted me and she said yes, but she still hasent decided who she wants most, after two days of me letting her choose ( I wasn't just going to end it and walk away, I love her too much ) so she still didn't choose so after a stupid amount of painful working out, I decided that she diddnt love me enough or shed have chosen by now.. So I tried to end it, as nicely as I could, going through probably the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, and she only asked of she had to delete me from fb etc. And I I don't know, I just basically begged her to forgive me, and tomorrow we will be talking about it proselytising until we finally sort this, I'm scared about what is going to happen, I was just wondering if anyone here thinks I should be to in her his chance or not? And if she doesn't choose me, how do I cope? I barely stood a few minuets after my first attempt... I have cut myself for the duration of this as a result and cannot eat without almost or succeeding to throw up, and I'm already insomniac, but a getting yet even less sleep.

Should I be giving her this chance?
And how do I cope should this all go horribly wrong?

Ployter · Dec 9, 2012, 04:57 PM

Sorry for terrible spelling, I was actually writing it through tears..

Homegirl 50 · Dec 9, 2012, 08:01 PM

This girl is cheating with you, you should not even be with her, She is not going to leave her boyfriend for you and if she did, you could not trust her to not later cheat on you.
How old are you? Is she your first girlfriend or something? Leave this person alone, get some counseling to help you through this. If you are cutting yourself over her after such a sort time, you need some help.

Ployter · Dec 10, 2012, 12:18 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

This girl is cheating with you, you should not even be with her, She is not going to leave her boyfriend for you and if she did, you could not trust her to not later cheat on you.
How old are you? Is she your first girlfriend or something? Leave this person alone, get some counseling to help you through this. If you are cutting yourself over her after such a sort time, you need some help.

I know how stupid this'll seem to you, I'm 16, but I am a very cautious person, I don't do things unless I'm sure, had I not been sure I liked this girl I'd have done nothing, so I think it's reasonable that my feelings grew so quick, and I've been cutting over things for years, it's my easiest escape, I can't help it.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 10, 2012, 08:09 AM

Like I said you need help. You continued to go after a girl who has a boyfriend. That should have been a no go for you. Now you are stuck in a lose lose situation. Had you been that cautious of a person you would have left her alone. Maybe falling for this girl so quickly was an easy escape as well.
Leave this girl alone and get some help for your cutting.

Oliver2011 · Dec 10, 2012, 08:33 AM

What is the deal about cutting yourself over a relationship? I don't understand the thought process there but agree, you need to get help.

You are choosing to allow this girl to control you - your emotions, your day, your feelings, your mood, etc. It is you who decides how you feel - not her. Don't let anyone control your mood or even your day.

Just as you have decided your going to be depressed over this, you also can decide you are not going to be depressed and you are going to have a good day. It is your choice. So if it is your choice, why not choose to have a good day?

Alty · Dec 10, 2012, 08:59 AM

You need help learning to deal with things, so that you can stop cutting to cope. You're only 16, trust me, even if she does choose you, it's unlikely that the two of you will end up with each other for life. You will have many heart breaks in your life, and it's best that you learn to deal with them now. Get psychiatric help.

Ployter · Dec 10, 2012, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

What is the deal about cutting yourself over a relationship? I don't understand the thought process there but agree, you need to get help.

You are choosing to allow this girl to control you - your emotions, your day, your feelings, your mood, etc. It is you who decides how you feel - not her. Don't let anyone control your mood or even your day.

Just as you have decided your going to be depressed over this, you also can decide you are not going to be depressed and you are going to have a good day. It is your choice. So if it is your choice, why not choose to have a good day?

I cut because I have to hide it form my carers, so it take my mind of any emotional pain, that's my logic to it

Ployter · Dec 10, 2012, 12:36 PM

Maybe your all right, in any cas ewe spoke and yes she chose him, but he's never treated her right, their were going to break up, I had no reason to not trust it, and I waited, but yeah. You know the rest, cutting is taking my emotional pain and replacing it with physical, and the task of hiding it. It at least takes my mind off it for a little while, thanks for trying all of you, I know, that to all of you I'm just a kid, but I've been more adult In my mind for years now, and I'd have stayed with her until I died. I genuinly love her, but happens.

Oliver2011 · Dec 10, 2012, 12:44 PM

Originally Posted by Ployter

I cut because I have to hide it form my carers, so it take my mind of any emotional pain, that's my logic to it

Obviously you need to develop better logic. Think about it - does this girl really want to be with someone who intentionally hurts themselves? The honest answer is no. There are better ways to deal with issues. Find someone to teach you those.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 10, 2012, 02:06 PM

This girl is a cheater.If he treated her so bad and she wanted to leave him she would.I think you fell for her because the thought of her hides pain too.
You need to get some help with dealing with problems.

dontknownuthin · Dec 10, 2012, 02:47 PM

The cutting, insomnia and so on are signs that you may be suffering from clinical depression or other very overwhelming but also very treatable conditions. You should probably go see your school counselor and get some advice on how to get help for those issues. I know your question is about this girl, but the heart of the issue is your own emotional state because when we are suffering anyway, it's hard to manage relationships well.

Second, you need to understand that relationships should not be all drama and hurt and making up and breaking up. This is a dysfuncctional relationship and this girl is using and abusing both you and the other boy. I think you really need to follow through on the good judgment you showed when you broke up with her. It was entirely reasonable to expect her to choose either you or the other guy, and she kept you both on the line. You should not apologize at all for that action because it was the right thing to do. She is not better or more important to you and her choices and needs and decisions are not more important than your needs and feelings and emotions.

Even if she dumps this guy to be with you, you will always wonder if she's as committed to you as you are to her. This is an infatuation, which can be really hard to walk away from, but as long as you indulge it, you will prevent yourself from having a happy relationship - which will need to be with someone other than her. You might say to yourself "but I'll never find anyone like her!" Well - GOOD!! She's making you absolutely MISERABLE. Remember that - being involved with this girl does not make you happy.