[Mama Laura]

My adult son has 2 dogs that are like his children. For years my husband and I have always taken care of them when my son travels out of town. Last weekend, my husband made the mistake of letting them outside without a leash and unsupervised. One of the dogs started barking at a resident and another resident called my son. I was at work and did not witness what happened. According to my husband, my son called him and asked that he always take the dogs out on a leash, which he is supposed to be doing anyway.

When I got home from work, my husband was pissed off because he got that phone call. He stated that he would no longer be responsible for the dogs. I told him that I would take responsibility (as I always have in the past) because I love those dogs and don't consider them a burden.

The next day, my husband began texting my son and saying ridiculous things like, I don't need to be under surveillance and I'm not putting the dogs on leashes because they need to be dogs. He wound up telling my son to f!! Himself.

Later that day, my son informed me that he would make other arrangements for the dogs from now on. He said that he had no beef with me, but he was finished with my husband. It has been a week, and I have not heard a word from my son. I reached out to him via phone but so far, he has not responded.

I am very hurt. I am caught in the crossfire between my son and his father. I have let my son know that I am always there for him and that I love him and I don't share in his father's position about my grandpuppies. It has been a week, and no word from my son.

[smearcase]

I just gave the following response today (with a few minor changes here) to another person who had lost communication with adult children.

Try to get it patched up at least to the point that you can at least get be a communicating family again. . They don't have to become best friends but the present standoff might be too hard to live with some day in the future.

I had problems with a close loved one (similar to the position your husband is in) for a long time, and he died at a young age, near perfectly healthy, two days after we buried the hatchet, forgot the past and agreed to go forward the best we could.

Your husband can continue to hold the grudge for as long as he lives but he should not assume that the son will be the one with regrets for not having patched things up before the father passed on. It can work the other way around as I found out.

I don't know any of the individuals involved but I do know that you are in the worst position of all. The issue about the dog leash is history and can't be changed now. Somehow they have to forget that, call it a draw and establish the relationship they want for the future. I don't know how to make that happen but you are certainly key to making it happen. In my case it was a birthday dinner with just 3 of us, no apologies and no discussion of the issues that had caused the riff, just talk about present and future.

I have few thoughts today about the fairly trivial matters we disagreed about and I don't know how long our truce would have lasted, but the one positive thought I do have is that we parted friends.