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firstimeblogger · Nov 27, 2012, 08:45 AM

I'm 35 years old, fit and healthy. I've suffered with a low sex drive for as long as I can remember. I have had all the tests at my GP and all is fine.

The problem:
Initially sex with new partners has been fine then a few weeks/months down the line the novelty wears off and I no longer desire sex with them. I've always blamed this on the girlfriend at the time not being good enough for me, physically and sexually (shallow I know).

2 years ago I met my current partner and thought all my problems were over. She is the perfect match for me, her looks, personality and sexually (best sex I've had, by far). I am totally head over heels in love with her. She has the same feelings about me and we are very happy in all areas of our relationship except sex now, as the problem is back. I never crave sex anymore, I was never a sex maniac but at least once a week/fortnight I would crave sex and we would have an amazing sex session but now it's gone. I think if we both ignore the problem we'd never have sex again. She has a very healthy sex drive and would happily have it all the time so she is really suffering and I'm worried she'll start looking elsewhere. When we do try it's because I feel so bad for her it always ends in disaster because I'm not horny and therefore we don't get anywhere. She blames herself thinking she's not good enough but she is she really is, she is want Ii've always wanted. I simply don't get turned on anymore!

Now the weird thing is I'm like every guy out there, I enjoy looking at women and even fantasise about them, in fact I constantly look at other woman, some not a patch on my girlfriend but yet I seem to desire them, I'm sure if I was single I would have no problem having sex with a stranger. I have no problem masturbating (which I've not done for a few weeks to see if that helps, it hasn't). When I look at her I'm so amazed that I have this amazing beautiful girl that loves me so much and who has the most amazing body, everything that I've always wanted so why don't I want to have sex with her??

Any advice will be gratefully received!

Oliver2011 · Nov 27, 2012, 08:48 AM

A lot of people struggle with this. Probably masturbating isn't helping your sex drive. There are other things you could be doing for her that would please her. Also have you thought about watching porn together? That may stimulate you more.

J_9 · Nov 27, 2012, 08:49 AM

Have you had your testoterone level checked?

firstimeblogger · Nov 27, 2012, 08:53 AM

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

A lot of people struggle with this. Probably masturbating isn't helping your sex drive. There are other things you could be doing for her that would please her. Also have you thought about watching porn together? That may stimulate you more.

You maybe right but like I said I've stop for a month now and nothing. Never explored porn together always felt it to be a solo thing, don't really feel comfortable but I'm prepared to try anything so perhaps I will, thanks for the advise.

firstimeblogger · Nov 27, 2012, 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Have you had your testoterone level checked?

Yep all fine and also had various other checks and all good and above average.

greentree30 · Nov 28, 2012, 11:26 AM

I think if you've always struggled with this, then you probably always will. My guess would be your testosterone is in the low end of normal, but still qualifies in the normal range. I think society makes it out like only women deal with low libido but the truth is plenty of men do as well. My husband could have easily wrote your post. He just doesn't think of sex that often. We have sex about once a week, sometimes twice, but usually just once. But that is him compromising. I think if it was completely up to him he would be fine with twice a month. If it was up to me most weeks I'd like to twice a week (sometimes more). So once a week is both of us compromising.

I come onto him at least half the time. So he might not have at all been thinking about it but he gets into it as it goes along, so he does enjoy it. It's just he wasn't really thinking of it to begin with. Does your girlfriend come onto you too? I think it's great you want to satisfy her so much! I'm thinking once you are fooling around you will get more into it, even though you weren't horny to start with. Plus like someone already said you could just pleasure her. The fact that you want to keep her satisfied and happy so much should make it work.

Are you just upset that you aren't horny very often? Or do you sometimes have trouble getting an erection?