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bettyb58 · Nov 25, 2012, 03:52 PM

My daughter is 22 years old and my grandson is 15 months old. I let them move in with me cause she didn't have anyywhere to go. They occupy the loft area of my condo. She has a walk in closet ,her own bathroom and a huge living area, plus her bedroom.
I am not a neat freak, but I expect her to keep things clean and pick up clothes and baby clothes. I

She doesn't and lives like a slob. I feel bad for the baby cause he doesn't have room to play upstairs.

I ask her to clean and although she says she does. There is nothing picked up

I am at my wits end. She tells me when I ask her to clean, that she has a child to take care of and it is hard. I can't ask her to move out. She doesn't have the means to live by herself.

I don't know what to do... I need help..

Wondergirl · Nov 25, 2012, 04:00 PM

Go about this like she is a young child and needs some training on how to help Mommy with the household chores. Engage her and work together on cleaning up her area and in the kitchen or main living area. "How about if you pile up your (or the baby's) dirty clothes so we can throw them into the washer." "Here's the the vacuum cleaner. Please give the carpet a lick and a promise and I will dust when you're finished." "I'll go on the other side of your bed while you get that side, and we will change the sheets, then throw the dirty ones into the washer." "Let's clean tyour bathroom. I'll do the tub and toilet, and you do the sink. I'll vacuum the floor and you can wash it." Etc.

Would that work? (Maybe I will drive over to help... )

bettyb58 · Nov 25, 2012, 04:03 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Go about this like she is a young child and needs some training on how to help Mommy with the household chores. Engage her and work together on cleaning up her area and in the kitchen or main living area. "How about if you pile up your (or the baby's) dirty clothes so we can throw them into the washer." "Here's the the vacuum cleaner. Please give the carpet a lick and a promise and I will dust when you're finished." "I'll go on the other side of your bed while you get that side, and we will change the sheets, then throw the dirty ones into the washer." Etc.

Would that work?

Thank you. I have approached it in this way. We work different shifts and she tells me her time off... she does clean.. but honestly.. I think she is overwhelmed by her mess

Wondergirl · Nov 25, 2012, 04:11 PM

So take little bites out of her mess -- with her working alongside of you. Rome wasn't built in a day. For instance, I do one project a day. Right now, I tackle one kitchen drawer every evening while watching MSNBC -- empty it, clean out the inside, sort through the contents to give away or throw away stuff I don't use, then return the good stuff to the clean drawer. Maybe for the two of you, one little project a day is what will work. Of course, she has to change her ways and pick up after herself. That's why she has to be part of the pain of cleaning and sorting.

joypulv · Nov 25, 2012, 07:12 PM

I agree, do it with her, to teach her how to be organized and systematic about it. Set a day and time and write down how long it took, and write down the next day a week later to do it again - and again. If she needs to be read the riot act about how it isn't her house, do so, in one short firm sentence.