[lauraday123]

Here's me story. I have been dating a super controlling guy for 2.5 years but I have loved him like no other. We have so much fire between is though, we disagree and have huge heated fights about lots of things, he's Muslim and I'm Jewish and our parents (except for my mom) don't know about our relationship. Lately things had been bad, in the summer he cheated and broke up with me and then a month later he comes back and asks to be back together and I had been happy without him but I agreed to be with him again cause part of me still was attached to him and loved him. I thought he would change his controlling ways and his swearing and he did make a bit of an effort but last week here's what happened:


I got high for the first time in my life I'm only 21. It was my friends birthday and I wanted to try it, it was stupid of me but I was curious and later I told my boyfriend the truth cause I wanted to be honest with him. He didn't speak to me for 4 days and treated me like I was less than an animal, and so I went over to his house and talked to him but quickly it escalated and I lost my temper. I was so sick of being treated like dirt, of being accused of and not being rewarded for my honesty that I went nuts, I screamed and swore and became this monster that only he has brought out on certain occasions. He kept saying that I'm a follower, that I'll become a Cocaine addict next. He forgets that I'm finishing university with straight A's, have 2 jobs and never party. Why do I get punished like this? So I tore up in his face all the love letters and told him I was done. Stormed out (his friend was also there btw) and totally humiliated him. I tried to apologize later but he would not take my call.

I feel like . I feel bad for having yelled and acted like a child but I just lost it and I'm
Human and make mistakes. He has made so many and I always accepted them and took him back and forgave him. I'm a good person. I want him back but his pride and ego are bigger than the Empire State Building. What do I do? I think I broke up with him partly due to our fight and also because I wanted a reaction and wanted him to know what it's like to be rejected and dumped like a tissue, I definitely am harboring old resentment from the past. So maybe I'm not as forgiving as I thought... please help!

L.