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MarkRigdon · Nov 23, 2012, 03:59 PM

I have been married for 20 years. My wife and I tried to get pregnant for the first 5-8 years of our marriage, then we gave up and adopted 3 kids. My wife is now 8 weeks pregnant. Is it even possible that this baby is mine?

teacherjenn4 · Nov 23, 2012, 04:29 PM

Before you start thinking that the baby isn't yours, get yourself to a doctor to test your fertility.

Alty · Nov 23, 2012, 04:36 PM

Were you ever tested for fertility issues, either you or your wife? If not, why did you assume that you had fertility issues?

Bottom line, things change. Most people with fertility issues just have a lower chance of pregnancy, or getting someone pregnant. A lower chance isn't no chance.

I'm sure that each person on this site can tell a story about a couple that were told they couldn't get pregnant, that went on to have a child. I know I can, and the story is a lot like yours. My neighbors growing up were told that neither one of them could produce a child. They went on to adopt two kids, both special needs. They figured if they couldn't have children of their own, they'd adopt the kids that are usually left behind.

Well, shortly after adopting the second child, my neighbor found out she was pregnant. She went to the doctors office, and the doctor told her it was a miracle. They could really only afford two kids, but took this as a blessing. The baby was born, and they struggled financially, but they were happy. Not long after she got pregnant again. Yes, again!

When the doctor told her it was another miracle, she said "It is a blessing, but I can't afford any more miracles". She had the baby and then had her tubes tied.

It happens all the time.

If you think that your wife has been unfaithful, and you don't believe that this child is yours, your only option is a DNA test after the child is born. Of course, the fact that you are even questioning your wife's fidelity speaks volumes about the state of your marriage, and asking for a DNA test when the baby is born, may be the straw that breaks this marriage's back.

ScottGem · Nov 23, 2012, 04:55 PM

On the other hand, there is no reason your wife has to know you had the test done. You can take the child for testing when you go for a walk or outing.

Alty · Nov 23, 2012, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

On the other hand, there is no reason your wife has to know you had the test done. You can take the child for testing when you go for a walk or outing.

True Scott.

But, the very fact that he's doubting her, means there's trouble in this marriage.

You can't run or hide from that. He has to deal with why he doesn't trust his wife, one way or the other.

ScottGem · Nov 23, 2012, 06:07 PM

I'm not so sure. I can imagine how doubt might exist in these circumstances.

Alty · Nov 23, 2012, 06:14 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'm not so sure. I can imagine how doubt might exist in these circumstances.

I can too. If both of them were told that conceiving was not possible, and suddenly the wife is pregnant, then it's a wonder.

The thing is, if you have the equipment, it's possible. There may be a highly decreased chance that you'll conceive, but a decreased chance isn't no chance at all. I've had many friends that were told they would never conceive. One of those friends now has three kids, the last one conceived while on the pill, using a condom, PCOD, one ovary, and told by the doctor time and time again that the first two were walk on water splitting the sea miracles. After her third miracle she had her tubes tied and her husband had a vasectomy.

Also, the OP never did say that a doctor declared him, or his wife, infertile. It sounds like this was a self diagnosis, but we'd need the OP to come back and provide more info. This could be a matter of the stars not aligning until now. It happens all the time.

ScottGem · Nov 24, 2012, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by Alty

Also, the OP never did say that a doctor declared him, or his wife, infertile. It sounds like this was a self diagnosis, but we'd need the OP to come back and provide more info. This could be a matter of the stars not aligning until now. It happens all the time.

I agree that's why I suggested getting a test without the mother knowing. I can understand the OP doubting, but this is a case where there is an easy way to clear the doubt, just have to wait until a test can be performed. If it turns out the child is his, then he is relieved and can go on and enjoy his child. If it isn't, then he can decide how to deal with it. But no point in making waves until a test can be done.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 24, 2012, 07:01 AM

It can be a matter of timing or just freak luck. I used no protection with my partner over 10 years and never conceived. Now for Toni and I to have a child, we had to really work on timing and it still took almost a year and half of lots of hard work.

joypulv · Nov 24, 2012, 07:21 AM

I too think there's nothing really 'wrong' with being a bit doubtful.
But since it's quite possible that it's your sperm (her chemistry might be winding down to something less hostile to them), trust her for the next 7 months, and do the DNA test as soon as the baby is born, as suggested.
Do it for the benefit of your wife, the baby, you, and the marriage.
If it is your baby, you can't undo any grief you caused for many months.
If it isn't, you deal with it then.