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katheryn470 · Mar 13, 2007, 04:12 PM

I am at a complete loss, my husband and I have been divorced for almost two years now, and he is still harassing me through our 9 year old daughter, I call him to see what time to meet so I can pick her up and he answers the phone "Well if it isn't the fat C..." for all I know our daughter is sitting right next to him, he drives with her while he is drinking beer, she tells me every time she is with him that they stop at the liquor store to buy some beer, one of the reasons I left him is he is an alcoholic and doesn't care. He lets her go to the park all by herself in a neighborhood that is not safe there are at least eight level three sex offenders on her way to the park, I don't know if he is just that unfeeling or he really just wants to hurt me, because he really wants to hurt me, he has slashed 13 tires, broke one windshield, keyed a friends car and put sugar in two gas tanks, the man has serious problems. My question, however, is what can I do about this abuse, but mostly how can I make sure that my daughter is safe? I can deal with the crap from him but she should be safe when she is with her father. I do not know who to contact, I did not have a lawyer in the divorce, and I also would like a little reassurance that I am not the one insane here, that I am not the only one that would be concerned. I actually have many other examples but I do not have time to list everything. Thank you for your help.

badoura · Mar 13, 2007, 04:45 PM

Originally Posted by katheryn470

I am at a complete loss, my husband and I have been divorced for almost two years now, and he is still harassing me through our 9 year old daughter, I call him to see what time to meet so I can pick her up and he answers the phone "Well if it isn't the fat C..." for all I know our daughter is sitting right next to him, he drives with her while he is drinking beer, she tells me every time she is with him that they stop at the liquor store to buy some beer, one of the reasons I left him is he is an alcoholic and doesn't care. He lets her go to the park all by herself in a neighborhood that is not safe there are at least eight level three sex offenders on her way to the park, I don't know if he is just that unfeeling or he really just wants to hurt me, because he really wants to hurt me, he has slashed 13 tires, broke one windshield, keyed a friends car and put sugar in two gas tanks, the man has serious problems. My question, however, is what can I do about this abuse, but mostly how can I make sure that my daughter is safe? I can deal with the crap from him but she should be safe when she is with her father. I do not know who to contact, I did not have a lawyer in the divorce, and I also would like a little reassurance that I am not the one insane here, that I am not the only one that would be concerned. I actually have many other examples but I do not have time to list everything. Thank you for your help.

Does the word police mean anything to u.Honey,if he is alcoholic,he might hurt his own daughter.What are u waiting for

grammadidi · Mar 13, 2007, 05:28 PM

You need a lawyer and you need a lawyer fast. I would also consider getting your child her own lawyer. If you can't afford it, you can get Legal Aid for your lawyer and children's lawyers are free. You can also speak to duty counsel at a court and ask them what steps you can take to have the visitation changed to supervised visits in order to protect your child. If he is an alcoholic and has done all those things, how come you didn't go for supervised visitation in the first place?

In addition, if you KNOW that daddy is out drinking with child in the car, call the police!! Has he been charged for slashng tires, breaking windshields, etc? You should NOT allow yourself or your daughter to be victims to his abuse. He is obviously sick and you need to take whatever actions that you can to ensure both of your safety.

Don't be afraid to set limits. Call your ex-husband when your daughter isn't around. Tell him that you have concerns with him allowing your daughter go to the park in that neighbourhood on her own because of the sex-offenders in the neighbourhood. Tell him that he is not to address you in the manner he does ever again. Tell him you understand how he feels, but you both need to set your personal differences and opinions aside to give your daughter the best parenting that you are both capable of. Tell him that you do not want him drinking while he has his daughter, and if you learn that he is you will report him.

If he does things to hurt you physically, gather up witnesses, report it every time, take pictures. Oh, and with ALL of this... document, document, document. If you have to have friends (even better, a disinterested party) listening on a second phone when you call him, do so. If he's slashing YOUR tires at night, have a friend he doesn't know stay over and both of you darken your windows and watch for it to happen. If he shows up, perhaps have the friend happen to walk down the sidewalk the other way as if they are going for a walk so they can identify a car/licence, etc.

Don't give up! This is a highly volatile situation in my opinion, and you need to take well guided action asap.

Good luck!

Love, Didi

tinsign · Mar 13, 2007, 05:53 PM

CALL ALL AUTHORITIES that you can make them listen.. tape those phone calls with his mouth running you down.. also I have said this before GET AN OUTDOOR security camera with voice that records everything going on make sure you get the wide range one with infra-red

Worriedaboutlewis · Mar 15, 2007, 05:34 AM

My heart goes out to you = and I know you must want your child to have a relationship with her father = but seriously you need to get her as far away from him as you can = and you also = you are both in serious danger = as one other post said ring every one and anyone who will listen to you about this situation = get away from this man you and your daughter and stay away from him. I really hope you find a solution to this problem to allow you and your child a happy and safe life = GOOD LUCK

s_cianci · Mar 16, 2007, 08:30 AM

First of all, how did he wind up with custody instead of you? Your best bet would probably be to contact the childrens' protective agency for your state and tell them everything.

robertsqueen · Mar 16, 2007, 08:40 AM

You need to inform CPS what is taking place in the home, he is not fit to be a parent at this moment. Also I would file for full custody of your daughter. That is sad that he will put his alchool before his own daughter... men like this make me sick... You need to get help and fast.

grammadidi · Mar 16, 2007, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

First of all, how did he wind up with custody instead of you? Your best bet would probably be to contact the childrens' protective agency for your state and tell them everything.

I don't think the original post said anything about who had custody. She just said when she called to pick her daughter up. She could be picking her up from a visitation.

Also, the trouble is... calling CPS may make her look like a vindictive parent. She needs to cover her bases while keeping the child as safe as possible.

Didi

vlee · Mar 16, 2007, 02:59 PM

I have recently made a post concerning child abuse. Since that time I have been in touch with my attorney and a therapist for my daughter. Let me tell you that in my situation, there is no evidence, except my daughter's complaints, and at her age, they don't carry much weight around here. Of course I believe her, because I know her. I have been advised to take her to counseling every week so that her therapist can document all the actions and behaviors that occur during her visits with her father. Unless there is physical evidence no one wants to step in. I can't even get a temporary court order to restrict visitation. I am taking her to therapy, and I too am documenting everything. I record every phone call that her father and I have. If you ever suspect your ex has been drinking, or smell alcohol on his breath, you have the right to keep your child with you. In fact, you are just as guilty as he is if anything happens and you didn't call the police. Call the police immediately. If you're picking her up from him and you smell it, call then. Give the police his license plate number and turn him in for drinking and driving with your child in the car. If they find him just one time odds are in your favor from there on out. Don't be afraid to turn him in, no matter what anyone thinks. You just might be saving your daughter's life. As far as letting her go to the park on her own, you probably can't do much to stop that, but I think you should let him know you are aware and do not approve. I hope everything works out for you and your daughter.