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anonymous915 · Nov 14, 2012, 06:20 PM

Been like this for a year and a half. Ever since I was a kid I saw my brothers porno magazine. Almost vot my kicked by my mother when she caught me. Seen porn movies as a kid too experimented with a neighbor girl. When I first masturbated it was with victoria secret magazine. So I knew my sexuality as a kid but the one thing I sucked with girls growing up. Had getting into relationships now I'm doubting if l also was scared of losing my virginity. Went like this for years until I finally lost it at 21. Had anxiety for 3 years because I over think things used to smoke a ton of weed now I quit because I question my sexuality sense then never been the same afraid to make friends cause they think I'm gay. I get nervous and weird when I'm around guys. I know for a fact that my coworkers thing I'm gay cause they put there hands in there crouch and and it makes me uncomfortable. They also talk behind my back and say I don't act like them. When I'm bussing cause I work at restaurant the customers make fun of me because I walk and move funny. Makes me less of a man. Almost kicked a customers because he was making fun of me. He left fearing for his life. I'm really losing it. My mind is minded right now because I don't know if I am or not. I'm depressed all the time hangout alone most of my time tried watching gay porn but my don't get hard. Feel like being harassed all the time its really ing with my emotions... stressed all the time. Met a girl we been having sex had trouble ejaculating when we have intercourse I finally did awhile back but man now I feel gay people are saying it too and now seeking a gay person who I can talk too to see his perspective. Need help cause I don't know how much I can take it... kind of feel like offing myself because its messing with me myself esteem is in an all time low. NEED HELP PLEASE!!

anonymous915 · Nov 14, 2012, 06:29 PM

Sorry lots of error...
Got my kicked
Hard time with relationships
Customer's
Minded
My don't get hard
I'm being harassed all the time

GuardianofTime · Nov 15, 2012, 04:07 AM

Seeker,

You must first understand that you are in control of your emotions. The emotions are a state of mind for which you can dictate how you feel and why. You are not depressed you are happy.. Begin to tell yourself that.

As for people harassing you that is all apart of life. Allow those humans to continue to talk.

There really is nothing you can do to stop that from happening. In the end what you must ultimately do is continuing experimenting until you find what makes you happen whether that be a boy or a girl. If you want to continue to experience ejaculation... stop watching so much porn. What is happening to you is this.

You watch the porn and your expectation of your own sex life are being shaped by what you are viewing so when you get to your own sex life.. it is not giving you the same satisfaction because you are not expecting the porn type of sex and that is fantasy... cut out watching porn and you will see your sex life improve... But you have another issue.. you are addicted to porn. Start with the porn and watch your life change... it is hard, but watch and see what I say is true... You will have a hard time stopping and if you have a hard time stopping that is your true problem.

Guardian

Fr_Chuck · Nov 15, 2012, 05:19 AM

First what is the issue or problem if you are gay ? There is nothing wrong if that is the way you want to be.

Next nothing you said, causes you to walk or act "less manly" that is something that you can work on, if you want to change some habits and walking styles.

Next why or what do your care what others thing of you, the way you walk or if you are gay.
My best friend is gay, does not make him less of a man, does not lower his self worth or value

anonymous915 · Nov 15, 2012, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by GuardianofTime

Seeker,

You must first understand that you are in control of your emotions. The emotions are a state of mind for which you can dictate how you feel and why. You are not depressed you are happy.. Begin to tell yourself that.

As for people harassing you that is all apart of life. Allow those humans to continue to talk.

There really is nothing you can do to stop that from happening. In the end what you must ultimately do is continuing experimenting until you find what makes you happen whether that be a boy or a girl. If you want to continue to experience ejaculation...stop watching so much porn. what is happening to you is this.

You watch the porn and your expectation of your own sex life are being shaped by what you are viewing so when you get to your own sex life.. it is not giving you the same satisfaction bc you are not expecting the porn type of sex and that is fantasy.... cut out watching porn and you will see your sex life improve... But you have another issue.. you are addicted to porn. start with the porn and watch your life change... it is hard, but watch and see what I say is true.... You will have a hard time stopping and if you have a hard time stopping that is your true problem.

Guardian

Hi guardian you helped a lot. I keep playing with the possible that I might be gay but there are feelings that I had for girls that were real which I knew I was straight but I'm playing with the thought that I'm might be bi because I guess get reject by girls might have brought out my sexuality(bi) but unsure I have to explore it I guess and the girl I'm with I've stopped watching porn and been able to which has been awesome.

anonymous915 · Nov 15, 2012, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

First what is the issue or problem if you are gay ? There is nothing wrong if that is the way you want to be.

Next nothing you said, causes you to walk or act "less manly" that is something that you can work on, if you want to change some habits and walking styles.

Next why or what do your care what others thing of you, the way you walk or if you are gay.
My best friend is gay, does not make him less of a man, does not lower his self worth or value

Thanks for your reply Fr_Chuck
I don't have a problem being gay its just a surprise that this feeling just came out all of a sudden and I've done things at an early age like experiment with girls that confused the hell out me you know but never lost virginity. I also used to relate to guys in personality and now my personality is drained and have hard time talking to my own gender... right now I'm a mess and need to figure out my emotions

greentree30 · Nov 16, 2012, 02:31 AM

anonymous915,
You are obsessing way too much about the small possibility if you are bi (or gay). But it doesn't sound like you're bi or gay anyway. You said you thought about being bi only because girls rejected you so much. That does not make you bi! And just because you are more nervous around guys, has nothing to do with your sexual preference!

There is nothing wrong with being bi straight gay or whatever. But don't force yourself to do something your not comfortable with. If you aren't sure if you'd like it, then you'll probably regret it. Also if you d*ck doesn't get hard watching gay porn, then why would it get hard during gay sex!

I can relate to you about over thinking things and obsessing. I'm the same way. But I try to not let it get the best of me. Talking to someone about it can help. I'm bi and for the longest time I obsessed about it. I tried to figure out *exactly* what "category" I was in. Which is pointless, because very few people are in an exact category. With time and experience you'll figure yourself out more.

Oh also, I can relate to being a lot more nervous about making friends with the same sex! The best thing to do is to just keep trying to face your fears. Try to talk to/ make friends anyway. It's okay if your nervous doing it. Try to be kind to yourself. :-)

Do you think you could try counseling? Someone to help you sort out your emotions and fears.

I really hope things get better for you!

joypulv · Nov 16, 2012, 02:51 AM

Many people are starting to refuse to be in a category of sexual preference. You might be attracted to a certain man, a certain woman. You don't need a label of gay, straight, or bi. Even if you did call yourself one of those, you could change over the years, as many have.

Try to talk to one friend. Just one! It sounds like maybe you don't have one. And try to ignore how people treat you at work. Being effeminate doesn't define you, if effeminate is the right word. And so what if they think you are gay? Pretend you are, even if you still aren't sure. They will pick on you if you act uncomfortable, and leave you alone if you don't. So try to joke or laugh about it, or just roll your eyes and say 'sheesh grow up' if they tease you.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 16, 2012, 02:55 AM

I have a close family member, who for years had several lesbian friends, and often had other lesbians ask her out and think she was interested. I even felt it knowing her myself, Often we hide our feelings because society tells us to feel a certain way, or that feeling one way is wrong.

You may well like both, or just some of each. Now failed relationships mean nothing, I have had more failed relationships but most were my fault for various reasons.

The issue here is, don't label, just be. Don't worry about what others will think of you, what fun is that in life.

Oliver2011 · Nov 16, 2012, 07:03 AM

I don't think you experimented with girls. You had sex with them. If you decide to be gay on of the questions gay guys always ask is "Have you ever had sex with a girl." It is in the Gay Rulebook around page 18,902.

As far as the way you act - who cares? If you act effeminate then accept it. Don't react when people say stuff. If you don't react or if you can laugh at yourself with them, then the damage they were intending doesn't happen. We have a guy at work that shocked us all when he announced he was getting married - to a woman. And we accept him just fine. You will do fine if you accept yourself.