[maujy]

I'm a 65 year old mother of 4 children & grandmother of 8 grandchildren. My daughters are in another country I am in South Africa the place I was born.

My one daughter in N.Z. is so cold,distant in manner and downright rude to me,my 2 month holiday with her was a nightmare as she found anything & everything to pick on me and find fault. When I do manage to get her on skype she talks in monosyllables, "Yes....No.....and what are you talking about? In answer to a simple polite question I might ask about the family. My daughter in Oz is wonderful always finding time to chat on skype to me and a huge help to me in all ways....in short she is an angel.I am divorced from their father that was 21 years ago and was treated very shabbily by him during my marriage and after. I got custody of the children but owing to the trauma of the 18 year marriage and divorce needed to be under a physchiatrist and was treated for severe depression and anxiety. On these grounds my ex husband won custody of the children stating I was a drug addict which was a total lie as I was a loving caring mother who adored her children.I have 2 sons in SA one I see once a year and occasionally he phones me,I have seen his baby daughter 3 times since her birth she is nearly 2. He never visits me and I don't have the money for petrol to visit him.. My other son lives a short distance from me and he and his family pop in to see me once a tear on my birthday staying a half hour. This son and daughter in law I worked for cleaning their house and caring for their children also fetching and caring from schools, washing cooking everything for 8 years. My daughter in law was in severe depression when I started working for them she lay in the bed most of the day,the children were untidy the house was a mess and my son was slogging to make ends meet. With love and gratitude at being able to be with my family I came in 5 days a week and got the home spic and span and gave my daughter in law love understanding and huge encouragement to move forward. Thet paid me R300 a week of which I was so grateful for. Today they are both in top category jobs,drive flashy cars and the children are all in high school. They told me that they couldn't afford to keep me on anymore as cash was low but that wasn't true,it was just a case of the children were now at an age that didn't need baby sitting I think.However call me a fool if you will but a starving dog eats the scraps from under the table.....I offered to come in and do their house work for nothing,no pay,just out of love and of cause to see my grandchildren. they were very pleased and accepted my offer. I too don't get invited to birthday parties and if I arrive uninvited feel very distant as my daughter in law does everything with her mother and father and my son like a puppy dog follows suit and allows his mother to be cold shouldered. If I approach him or my other son about not seeing them enough its always," mom I'm soooo busy" My car needs to be repaired and my son said he would look at it today... no son and no phone call of apology. I live alone and have no one else to ask for help. All in all any suggestions on how I should handle everything?

[Wondergirl]

It's time to start finding and building up a support group for yourself. Does your area have an office that offers senior services or human resources help?