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SoftSummer · Nov 10, 2012, 08:20 PM

Hello All!

I have now been in a relationship for six months and am very blessed to have found someone who I can share life with. However, there have been a few glitches along the way and the most recent one has to do with his female cousin.

Before my boyfriend and I met, his best friend was his first cousin. They're very close naturally and grew up together.

However, their bond is starting to have a negative effect on our relationship. She will often time call him crying about her miserable love life and he always has to play hero to her. They'll also talk around 12 midnight or later which I also find inappropriate. The last straw occurred earlier today when my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone when she called with yet another sob story so he had to forgo his conversation with me, talked with her for at least 30 minutes, and then by the time he got done he had to go to his nephew's basketball game and so we could only text. I told him that I refused to be put on the back burner and it just went on from there and he basically told me that he would always be there for his cousin.

I understand that he has to maintain some type of relationship with her, but it should not be my problem that this girl isn't self sufficient. Why should I be punished just because her love life is in essence non-existent? I also pointed out to my boyfriend that even though he thinks of this chick as his sister, he's playing the role of the boyfriend and I wasn't comfortable with that. I don't like to share. I was on the brink of ending our 6 month relationship because at the end of the day I have to come first. I don't feel that it's unreasonable.

My question is, should I just give up on this altogether? I really love my boyfriend, but I just want to be in a relationship with him, not him and his cousin. I don't want to have to share him in that way. It's getting VERY annoying. I'm open to all opinions!

mndcstl · Nov 11, 2012, 08:54 AM

I wouldn't end it I would just ask him if he could tone it down maby have him turn his cell off at night or have certain times his cousin can call tell him that you feel second in the relationship and if he really cares he will put you first and let his cousin know hey I have a girlfriend you need to respect that don't get your feelings hurt but I need to put my girlfriend first. If she is really his cousin she will understand family is family. If he can't do that then maby you need to look for a man who is a little more mature

SoftSummer · Nov 11, 2012, 09:51 AM

Originally Posted by mndcstl

i wouldnt end it i would just ask him if he could tone it down maby have him turn his cell off at night or have certain times his cousin can call tell him that you feel second in the relationship and if he really cares he will put you first and let his cousin know hey i have a girlfriend u need to respect that dont get your feelings hurt but i need to put my gf first. if she is really his cousin she will understand family is family. if he can't do that then maby u need to look for a man who is a little more mature

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your feedback.

talaniman · Nov 11, 2012, 03:15 PM

I think if you see this as a family issue and back off you may get some change to this situation later. I mean who do you think will win this conflict? A 6 month girl friend or a very close cousin?

Let him be the one to place boundaries on his own kin, NOT you. If you cannot show patience and understanding, what's the point?

However he could turn off his phone on date, and maybe that's something he will learn later. I have had this same thing with pesky sibling/relatives back in the day. Thing tend to work themselves out... one way or the other.